1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Autism Kids Mom Can Help Me Pls

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by Sweetygals, Jan 29, 2020.

  1. Sweetygals

    Sweetygals Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    46
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi All,
    Thanks all for suggestions. Understand early intervention importance as i see development delay on him. Will start therapies as soon as i reach India from next month.

    Now i could see my son eye contact improved a lot, atleast to known faces. Stranger he still avoids eye contact. May be with practice i hope he will improve.
    And certain improvement like when i say jump he will run and come to me no matter how busy with his toys and hold my hands and try to jump. If my husband says jump he will look for me to hold my hands. As he likes jumping i make him jump a lot in bed. As he keeps eye contact and enjoys. Finally feeling so happy that he understands atleast 1 word and responds to it though he is busy with some thing:).
    Just have few queries. Can suggest on this.

    1. And also when ever we say clap your hands he will come to us and start clapping our hands. he does not clap his hands. He will use my hands to clap and keep looking at me. When i stop saying clap he will leave.
    So not sure whether this is ok or not. we did try to change his hands to clap. but he is not so interested clapping on his own.
    Though we I was ok as he keeps eye contact atleast and attend us. But read somewhere in internet that autism kids use parents hand as tool. Not sure he is using my hands as tool.
    As some times he does use my hands to take things out from container when he does not know how to open it. I take the container near my eyes to make him eye contact and open the box and give him. Is it so these kids use our hands as tool.?

    2. And now whenever my daughter has some toys on her hand. It might be even piece of paper. But if it is on her hand thats all. He goes and tries to grab it from her. This he will do it on our home, not outside. Initially he does not even recognize her. Though he is interested on toys in her hand. But still he will not look on her and just look on the toys on her hand. At least he is alert on people and follows her i think. Should i stop him doing this? Mostly i request my daughter to give up by giving her something else (most of the times she also understands. As i can console her in more ways so not worried on my daughter). Is it ok?
    Also if she is sitting on my lap he will push her out and he will sit. It is cute for me:)

    3. How to make him calm when i try to read a book or show him flash card. When ever i take board books or flash card or any new things. He will try to grab only and will keep turning the pages on own . Does not even give time to open and show him. But still on his lap and try to hold pages teach him. Hope he hears those words :(. Flash card is still worse. He will grab it from me start folding or trying to tear and start walking :(. How to help this situation

    4. Also when ever i take outside may be park he will not even look for us not even one single eye contact. Also he has so many to things to look. So we are not interesting for him. Even if i try to sing or some routine activities which he will show interste. still he will play on his own like climbing or running. If he wants to play on swing may be he will go near to that and start crying. Meaning we should help him on swing as he cant do on his own. Then he will do it. Again even on swing i try to swing on front. As he will try to look .. may be once he will look. Sometimes i feel outdoor play is not helping at all for interaction. Can suggest how to deal with this.

    5. And whenever u talk to ur kids which language do u all use. At home we always use tamil only. But mostly he will do his schooling in Singapore only. As only me and hubby knows talk to english at home and my husband not interested to talk english at home. My dd suffered because of this. Though she is super smart kid, at 5 yrs she can sing complicated carnatic songs, chinese songs and talk so much maturely beyond her age level. She struggled in school when everyone talks in english. And she does not know. At school they told her that she is lost kid when we talk to her. Felt very bad at that time for my dd. Finally i helped her. It took almost 3-6 months for her to pick up english language. Now she is ok.
    And for my son i dont want the same trouble as he will take more time to pick things up. I know talking and teaching 1 language is most important. How did u all managed this bilingual env?

    6. Whenever he sleeps, there should be kept as piece of cloth in his bed which he will hold it and start sucking thumb and fall into sleep. This was his sleep routine from beginning. As making him sleep is not so easy as he does not like to lie on lap or on shoulders. May be even if he lies he wont close his eyes. Only when he sucks his hand he will close his eyes. There was piece of sheet which will prevent my bed from accidents leaking from diaper. So he started holding on it automatically. Now without this cloth texture he cant sleep. But with this cloth he will be calm and suck his thumb. Not sure whether he listens to me or not. But still i will talk to him and say some stories he does not react. he will see me some time.
    as we can never see him at lying 1 place this cloth can do magic. My husband says he is too much dependent on this cloth. We tried removing it. He does not suck his thumb without this. so he does not sleep at all and start becoming cranky. Not sure how to remove this dependency


    please help with suggestions and experiences.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2020
  2. VLR

    VLR Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    783
    Likes Received:
    62
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    @Sweetygals.
    I am yet to read the full post. But have a comment on #6.
    My DD used to do that. He had a cloth that she would always use in case she was sleepy. Would never sleep without that. It became like a rag cloth with constant washing. But she would cry and throw a fit if she didn't have it during bedtime.
    Last year she started playing with dolls. She wanted a particular soft toy. I told her she could have it if she used it as her bedtime toy instead of the cloth. First she was hesitant and then finally said ok. The moment she got the doll she left that cloth. It's been 7 months and she has totally forgotten about the cloth. She still sucks her thumb though. Our paed adviced against forcefully stopping thumb sucking.

    The point is they use that as a source of comfort and pacifier. It is a self soothing mechanism. He will outgrow it once he finds an acceptable alternative. Don't worry.
     
    Hosanna and Sweetygals like this.
  3. VLR

    VLR Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    783
    Likes Received:
    62
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    @Sweetygals
    glad to hear that your son is showing improvement. kuddos to you for all the effort that you are taking.

    For him to establish and maintain eye contact with strangers, it will take lot of time and practice. My DD still avoids eye contact with strangers sometimes. Dont worry. First get him to interact with immediate family. Once he gains confidence he will slowly start opening up to strangers.

    1) I am not aware of kids using parents as tools. May be @laks or some other experienced Ilite can help. But its a good thing that he is interacting with you. Once he finishes clapping your hands say ' Good. mommy's turn over. Now (Ds's name) turn. You hold his hand and mimic the action. If you keep repeating this he will understand that any instruction followed by his name, he needs to do.

    2) Dont always request your DD to give up. She will get irritated eventually. Model how to ask for things in front of him. If he has something in his hand you get down to his level and ask him using actions and words. Mimic the same with your DD in front of him. Sometimes your DD might not be willing to share. Thats ok. Teach him to deal with that too. Initially he will throw tantrums. After a while he will understand. Try to get two items of each toy when you think your DD might not be too enthusiastic to share. Dont encourage him to push your DD and sit on your lap. Your DD will start resenting his company slowly. Get both of them to sit. or have them take turns.
    I have seen this with my twins. The more attention my DD demands from everyone the more irritated my son becomes. We used to feel happy that she is getting close to us. But my son started feeling very insecure. It is very important to balance.

    3) If he is not interested in flash cards give it a rest. You could sit with him and draw things and name them. The idea is to find what interests him. If you are able to find that out he will be more open for interactions.

    4) Outdoor play is must. It will help him burn out energy. Else he will become restless. This is one big mistake i did initially. It used to be very difficult to manage both kids outdoors. So i rarely took them out. They used to get very irritated sitting indoors all the time.
    Our therapist mentioned nothing calms an autistic child more than nature. Let him play however he wants. If there are other kids playing in the park show him how to interact with him, greet them etc. Dont force. Once he keeps seeing familiar faces in the park daily he will start playing with them.

    5) My DD is very comfortable in English. Her tamil skill is very underdeveloped. She can understand tamil but speaks in broken sentences. English, however she speaks and reads extremely well. Even better than her peers. Her English skills are ahead by at least a year thanks to all the book reading she does. I think she became comfortable with English because of all the rhymes we used to sing. I was a little upset that she is still not fluent in her mother tongue. But don't force it as i thought at least she is able to communicate in one language instead of none. Most of our family members talk to her in English.

    May be others can help with how they dealt with multiple languages at home. I would be interested to listen to ideas to improve my DD's mother tongue.

    Finally, i really appreciate you for taking all the time and effort with your kid. I am very sure this will yield good results eventually. Don't worry. The fact that you have accepted the problem and looking for solutions in itself is a very big step. I have seen lot of parents struggling with accepting our kids shortcomings in the first place. Unless we acknowledge there is a problem how can we work towards solution. So you need to be applauded for that itself. Take care.
     
    Sweetygals likes this.
  4. Sweetygals

    Sweetygals Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    46
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank u so much for taking time and clarifying and also for your kind words. It means a lot :blush:.
    Yes accepting is a big thing also making people around me to accept this still more big thing.
    Still my husband and parents believe that he is a typical shy,soft boy, in his comfort zone who will pick up slowly. Even at corner of my heart hopes for the same.
    Any way i'm there for him to help in all possible ways at this early stage.

    Also the psychiatrist we met told us, even kid got diagnosed at age 2 can overcome and become normal at age 4. At age 5 they can confirm together with IQ results. Till that kid we cannot say 100 percent as there is chance overcoming this. Is this true?
    Also he told therapy from age 2 to age 4 will make him out of this diagnosis. He too told that it is very good that u came at early stage. These things should not be ignored.

    Just my question is it a life long condition? Also moms can never go back to work as we have to help our kids to be par with peers?
    Can school or people around us can make him out as not normal person?
     
  5. VLR

    VLR Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    783
    Likes Received:
    62
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Even my family members including my DH refused to believe that my DD had issues. They believed only after seeing the doctor's report. Also it might be true thst he is indeed a shy kid and will start talking in a few months. In that case its very good.
    It is true that intervention between 2 to 5 years of age is most crucial. We started when my DD was 2. Now at 5, we have been told she is out of danger zone. Has only one or two symptoms of being in spectrum. So I would like to believe it is definitely possible.
    I do not know if it is a life long condition. I have read that kids will outgrow most of the issues with correct intervention and will learn to cope with the ones they cannot outgrow.
    I would like to hear from other moms if it is a life long condition.
    Identifying the correct school makes a huge difference. After searching for 3 years we landed with an understanding teacher. That takes away a lot stress for us. But your son is very young. By thr time he starts school, he should be alright.
     
    Sweetygals likes this.
  6. Hosanna

    Hosanna Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    33
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Even my son was sucking his right thumb and everytime he sucks his thumb he has to hold his fav cloth. In our case it was not a proper blanket rather my soft cotton dupatta. I remember onetime i put the cloth in laundry, it was his nap time but he refused to take nap without that cloth. He stood infront of the dryer and kept on crying. That day i ended up tearing my dupatta into two piece so that if one is in washer he can still use the other one. Until 3 he was sucking thumb and then suddenly one day he stopped. Till date i could not know whats the reason. But those were nice memories i still have a folder of his pics with him sucking thumb.. i really miss those cute days:)
     
    Sweetygals likes this.
  7. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    258
    Likes Received:
    341
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    @Sweetygals , you keep aside what the doctor and everyone has told you for a moment and you actually think for a while - is your son lacking in development? Are you and husband interacting with him constantly? Do you guys talk to him? Does your daughter interact with him? Try to teach him some basics - like organs in your language (nose, eyes, ears etc) and ask him to respond. Is he responding? He should for his age. Read books to him, engage him and see if he is coming back to you guys. The diagnosis for that age is a flaky one. Don't get alarmed, but try to invest more time in him. Sometimes, parents are so busy with their work, they don't get to spend time with children. If you lived in a community, it would be easier to assess the situation, but in a nuclear setting, it is not easy.
     
  8. Sweetygals

    Sweetygals Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    46
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    We started spending time for last 2 months. He is very good in terms of physical skills. Thatsy we were not worried on him previously and was busy with our work.
    He learnt when i taught him how to climb stairs with holding 1 hand in bar. He will never fall down though he is fast. because he will do it so carefully.
    He learnt when i taught him how to use a slide in park
    He learnt when i taught him how to build blocks.
    He learnt when i taught him to eat and drink.

    But when i teach him to wave bye or to point pictures or to point to body parts. He could not respond. He will look at me because i sing as a song and teach to him. He is so much interested in songs but never responded with gestures. Even carnatic music when my daughter sings he will sit right next to her. other than that only when she cries, shouts (she is a drama queen), makes huge noise he will see her.
    Otherwise no eye contact. As he is not entertained.
    He has not given us anything. because mostly he will hold toys in his hand. We have to snatch it from him. If he sees anything interesting he will drop the toy in to floor and deviated to other object.
    Reading books or flash cards he will snatch it from me and start messing with it. Or walk with it.
     
  9. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    258
    Likes Received:
    341
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Sweetygals, to be frank, that age is too early to predict autism. Even if the doctor is right with his diagnosis, there are schools and staff who can deal with it. It would help if you found out such schools and if your child really has that condition, put him in such a school instead of a regular school. One of my neighbors' son had autism and they got an instructor for him, he showed tremendous improvement within an year. They also changed his school from a regular one to a school with trained staff. Do not worry, it will be alright, just pray and keep trying, your son will turn out fine. Don't give up on him and keep making efforts to communicate with him.
     
  10. Sweetygals

    Sweetygals Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    46
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    hi all,
    now recently my kid started to take either my hand or his dad hand takes us where ever he want to go. he has his own priority like when me and his father are there. he will take my hand. otherwise his dad hand. say if he wants to go outside he will take my hand. if he wants to go bed and sleep take my hand. he likes seeing mirror so if he wants to go he will take my hand. he will babble saying hey , eee and takes us.
    is this correct should I stop him or try to change? ofcourse only now atleast he recognises us and try interacting his own way. previously this was missing.
    so waht should I do?
    actually I strted ot therapy classes for him. went for 1 class. later because of corono stopped temporarily . there they said first work on his imitation . model him the imitation like brushing , combing . i sing song and imitate. as he is attracted to songs. I have tried this for 2 months but in vain. but he picked up playing ringa, ringa Rose's in 1 days. that how he learnt to hold our hands.
    Any tips or strategies to pick up his imitation skills?
     

Share This Page