Attraction In Marriage

Indian society expects couples to adjust in a marriage if there is no abuse. Leaving someone for lack of attraction is not looked kindly upon. In your case being attracted is all the more difficult due to initial bitter experiences. I am not sure if one can work on improving attraction between each other. It is either there or not there.

In my opinion (fwiw) everyone (you and your husband) deserves to be loved, cherished, longed for etc. Hot, steamy attraction of initial years definitely fade a bit. But one should still long to be in each other's company, share moments, stories and cherish each other.

It is your life. Like a previous poster mentioned, think of how you feel about growing old with your husband.You are still young. Your life stretches before you.

 

i will be honest with you. there is a reason why marriage is called a contract or institution. because both the terms has rules and must be followed . we women take long time to decide that we are not into H. the day you filed divorce, it is over. Now this second analogy, you do not mind that you H is see another women, it is simply an extension of that.

it is your decision now.

this is the line where your principles and mine change course.

 

@BhumiBabe attraction for any reason (physical intellectual or emotional ) is a heady feeling. I can see why u are confused. Having never felt it before u had no idea what to expect in ur spouse. U were not even sure probably if u would ever feel that way with someone. Now that u have call it a crush or attraction whatever u made this startling discovery .."hey it was nt me .I was not the problem . I just hadn't met the right guy . "

So u have made this discovery ..the question remains what are you going to do about it?
Its one thing for attraction to slowly wane in a marriage and get replaced with other things but its another when u never even felt once in the entire time u have been with him. Kids or no kids I do not have the heart to ask u to settle for a marriage like that. Its isn't fair to ur spouse either. If the thought of travelling with ur spouse after retirement sounds horrifying to u that says a lot about the state u are in right now.

You now have all the facts before you. Make up ur mind whether u want to stay in this marriage or not. Incompatibility was not a strong enough force to make u leave. Is this revelation that u can have feelings towards the right guy strong enough? Remember always that there will more things that crop up in married life whether teh couple tie the knot after a heady love affair or not. Its ok to think through issues at each stage but constantly thinking about quitting is detrimental to the health of the marriage . For what its worth its mostly irrelevant what attraction in marriage means to others. This isn't unique to Indian men/women either. Its one of the oldest problems prevalent in marriages across all cultures and has been extensively studied. Results vary depending on gender /age/socio-economic status. Bottom line some think its worth sticking around . Some don't. U decide whats imp for you.

 

Many people underrate the 'attraction in marriage' and individuals contend that other factors like emotional bondage,friendship,communication and few more as vital factors if not more for a sustaining healthy long term relationship, I beg to differ. If these factors are viable for a sustainable relationship so is a passionate attraction.

Believe you have scrutinised on the 'something missing' between you both.No verbal/physical abuse,your H is 'attracted' to you,he has future plans 'to travel the world' with 'you',that sounds realistic. Consider accommodating yourself with him,along the line things will fall in place. Working on rejecting your inner critic in time will definitely help reshape the way you think about your relationship and certainly will helps you harness the law of attraction as your counselor says. Just my 2 cents.Best wishes to you.

 

Op....you are staying only because you have a child.
You fantasize about leaving when your child turns 18.

You say he has changed with you ...but he is now transferring those unreasonable objections to your child. Soon your child will grow and he will have a dad who behaves with him how he used to behave with you ....the behaviour that you found obnoxious.

Your husband lives in America ,married to a woman born and brought up in America and he objects to his son speaking english and making white friends.
How long do you think before your son finds his behavior abusive and blames you as an accomplice.

I don't think your husband has changed. He is just tolerating because he does not want the big changes that divorce will bring.

Do you object when he makes unreasonable objections to your son?Tell him he has just changed the victim .
Try ....see if he has really changed.
That might help you take a decision.

 

The Glue which helps in reconciliation between the couple after conflicts is not mutual attraction. Reconciliation is rather mainly due to care, mutuall respect , absence of ongoing hostilities and the desire to maintain peace in daily life.

The intense mutual attraction is only present during the initial stage of romantic love. it's a purely temporary phenomenon

In human beings, this intensity of mutual attraction is believed to last somewhere between 12 and 36 months from the beginning of a relationship according to researchers.

If your Counselor totally focuses on something which is ephemeral and impermanent, then you should seriously think of changing The Counselor. Her fundamentals appear to be wrong.

 

The attraction / interest towards being together, is really an intense feeling. We can call it an urge, rather than a feeling. It is abundant during the initial romantic love phase.

The romantic love and the mutual attraction stemming out of it, is bound to fade away with time. It is abundant only in the initial period of every relationship.