Attraction In Marriage

As many know, I grew up in the US with Indian parents. I casually dated with no success, and decided to get an arranged marriage, since it seemed like the thing to do. I also have a 3-year old child, now

My husband is not a bad guy, but we had communication issues and compatibility issues, that grew until just recently, I decided I wanted a divorce. He has since changed into the model husband (we also moved cities, so there is a big life change involved). I decided to stay and try to make it work, while knowing that there was something missing. I never knew how to put it into tangible words, until very recently.

I am not attracted (and probably never was) to my husband - mentally, physically, or emotionally. He's not a bad person, he has reformed, seriously. He is also really attracted to me. And we have a child. But I have to force myself to be intimate. And it always requires a lot of imagination.

The only reason I realized this, is because I met a person that I felt immediately drawn to. I hadn't realized what I was missing, all these years (I was never really interested in anyone).

I didn't really want to post this, because it felt too personal and taboo, but I also wanted some feedback from the community. Is this "common"? Is this just buyers regret, or did I just marry the wrong person? Let's face it, i'm only confused because I have a child. Else, I would have already left.

I grew up thinking that marriage was more than attraction (in general) - commitment, sacrifice, and good people and stuff. but now I am not so sure. I feel like the foundation of my marriage is unfixable because I can't be romantically or emotionally interested in my husband.

 

But, I wonder, since my counselor mentioned it. The attraction is what makes us adjust to our spouse, right? If we weren't attracted, how would come back to each other after every fight.

 

Now it begs the question, what is 'love/affection'? It's an interesting term tossed around when talking about marriage problems. When I talk about attraction, I mean mental, sexual and emotional interest - the need to be connected to another human being.