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Attitude of a room mate

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by meena12, Feb 15, 2010.

  1. meena12

    meena12 New IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,
    I have a roommate, how do you respond to such attitude.
    One day i prepared some chicken curry and i have given 3 to 4 pieces with good gravy. I would say i didn't expect from her anything now or in future.(which is real)
    One day she prepared chicken curry, for her husband and for one of her friend. I didn't expect anything. I came to kitchen for preparing tea and other things etc, she didn't offer etc, (let me tell you i didn't expect and i am not bothered), after they ate there food etc,.
    I came to kitchen to prepare something for dinner. while i was preparing, after a long time, that roommate (i felt that she had much thought) she said u can have chicken, as i felt that she had said after much thought( i didn't tell that word to her) i said okay keep it for your selfs. She said no problem u can have. In my heart i dind't feel to have as i am not interested as it is shivarathri day.
    I said okay i will ask my hubby to have.I asked my hubby he said i am not interested, just to see if there is any chicken i have opened the vessel containing chicken there are only two pieces of chicken, i felt so cheap attitude of that girl. I felt very bad like for a begger u offer when there is nothing she told to have.
    Next day she ate it.(is that way of offering she told to have and she ate it and offered like a begger)
    When i give i give in a proper way in a vessel. I am feeling so bad, friends how do you react to such things.

    This girl talks as if she would do things and nothing she will do( she is talktive) I feel like giving slap to such people who talk and don't do, if they can't do why do they talk as if they do.I really had such people but want can i do.

    Friend please help how do u react to such things.

    thnaks,
    meena
     
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  2. sruthinaidu

    sruthinaidu New IL'ite

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    I am not sure how old you are. Life teaches lot of things. I will tell you from my experiences.

    When you give or offer food to anybody give it with full heart. I know that was your intention. But it hurts when the other person does not respond in the same way.

    But you said you had no expectation from her. Don’t get offended but you yourself admitted you checked out of curiosity how much she offered in return to your deed. Would you not call that expectation?

    I have a good friend and neighbor. We exchange food all the time. She offers me on and off whatever special dish she makes. I also do the same, we never keep track of times or quantities. I do my best to make it upto her in whatever way I can.

    During our conversations I always appreciate whatever she offers and tell her that was real nice of her. She is a stay at home mom and has kids to take care but she still went out and thought about me and my family.

    She knows I am a working woman can’t do the same for her, but I try to make it upto her in whatever way I can. But strictly what I do first is keep aside whatever I want to give her first and then serve my family. She does the same. That is the etiquette.

    But in real world not everybody has a perfect understanding like we both have. We have our tiffs and moods too, but when we come to stuff like this we are not as petty to offer leftovers like your roommate did.

    Now you are asking how to tackle, my advice keep offering her and tell her in a friendly way that your mother/grandmother thought you that when you offer food to anybody that is “athidi devo bava” – guest is god – so you offer or keep it aside first then you eat the rest, otherwise it is like you are giving it to a servant or beggar and it is papam…maybe she will learn or or maybe not, just let it be.

    But one thing from all this you will always come out as a better person. If you take it personally and behave like her then there is no difference between you and her.
    It is upto you how you want to tackle this.

    This is kind of stuff is not worth breaking your head over. Take it easy. You will see lot more complicated things in life than this.
     
  3. free2live

    free2live New IL'ite

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    Hi Meena,

    Frankly I think you are spending wayyy too much time on teeny weeny incidents (from your past threads). Do not dissect each and every issue, you just end up miserable and nothing changes anyway.To be honest I think you should just stop sharing anything with your roomie that way you don't have to worry about why she hasn't shared anything with you . Just let go Meena, trust me its not worth it, she is just your roommate , make sure she pays her rent,does her share of cleaning and is responsible. Remember this is just a business transaction and you are not going to be with her forever.

    F2L
     
  4. reach

    reach New IL'ite

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    Hi Meena,
    You expected things from your roomie, when that was not as per your expectation, you are upset.
    You give her whatever you want and dont expect anything in return. If you really let go off your expectations, there wont be such doubts and worries in mind.
    I stayed in a PG for 3 years and I used to cook at times, my roomies used to eat what I cook, but they never cooked, even I never bothered to ask them. I cooked for all 3 of us and we shared equally all the time. They on their part, let me use the free wireless connection and such other small stuff. Sometimes we used to go out for movies and lunch/dinner and pay for each other. We never had any account or any money business involved. Each one did how she felt like and we were the best roommates. We met as complete strangers, but are still together as best friends. None of us ever had such thoughts creep in our mind.
    If you want to make your roomie your friend, just offer and dont expect. If she really appreciates your gesture, she will do the same.
     
  5. meena12

    meena12 New IL'ite

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    Thanks srutinaidu for your kind reply. Whatever i give in full heart, i really don't expect.

    Rarely that expectation comes in mind normally when other person is cooking something different and doesn't offer but expects from me.

    You are very lucky you got such a good neighbour.Sorry i don't want to hurt you.
    You said you exchange food, does that not mean that you are giving something to her and she is returning and other the way round, is it not some kind of expectation.
    In your case if you offer 5 to 6times and your friend doesn't respond or responds after 8th time, you will definetely feel bad and same way your friend is offereing and you are not offerring but respond in 10th time , your friend may feel same say. ( sorry this is not to hurt you).

    Definitely you can't keep on giving and if the other person doesn't respond you. Will you keep on giving if the other doesn't respond you or responds in giving leftovers.

    When ever i give first i keep aside to the other person and then we eat. Ofcourse she is younger to me.
    There is no point in telling her dipomatically that she should keep aside she may take wrongly .

    She talks so much and keeps promises and never does what she says , i feel why people talk so much and say i will do this and that but couldn't make up to that point. ( it is not regarding food, cleaning the electric cooker she uses the cooker to the utmost and all the food and tea flows and gets dirty i told her diplomatically to clean it, she has done in the first time and latter on she is not cleaning and talks as if she will do but it will not happen, i can say shout but it will lead to fighting so i am cleaning it myself) At the moment she is in a contract can't do anything.

    Do you think i should keep on offering her now, if i do something new.
    sometimes i feel that in order not to be as strangers we have to offer once or twice , just to maintain that friendly relations even though other person doesn't respond.

    I never such thoughts in mind earlier, i have friend , whom i offer, but never i keep track of such things.
    LEt me tell you, i have called couple of families(5families) to our house for dinner, except three families other families never called, i never kept in my mind or thought of it.

    Yes i would agree this are petty things , but i don't know why this thoughts are coming into my mind and how should i ignore it.

    thnaks
     
  6. meena12

    meena12 New IL'ite

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    Thanks free2live and reach for your kind reply. Early i expected but now i am not expecting anything, but other person gives in such a manner it really hurts.
    She is not a kid, that girl has a fiance not married yet, he comes every now and then and they stay together, Earlier to here they stayed together for two years , now because of different locations. She tells cock and bull stories that they are in limits and they know what they are doing.

    Trust me when she first came , she just told , i never spoke such things, i just listened but i don't believe such talks, and man and woman staying together for 2years will they not have affair or sex(this is false), when people do wrong things they feel themselves guilty and talk like this (I never asked about such things, i was thinking why she is telling all this without me asking).

    Thanks
     
  7. free2live

    free2live New IL'ite

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    Meena,

    Since she only promises but never delivers , make schedules. If it is her turn to clean and she conveniently forgets, you do not have to be diplomatic, just tell her "its your turn so please clean the xyz as soon as possible" . I would suggest you to not share food with her because you very well know she is not going to return the favor and that is going to make you unhappy. And when she talks about her boyfriend tell her that she is not accountable to you and you do not want to listen to it.

    No relationship is worth your peace meena. Again think of this as just a business transaction and do not break your head over this. The other person usually does not react the exact way you want him/her to. Accept that and move on.

    F2L
     
  8. meena12

    meena12 New IL'ite

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    Hi carazoo,

    I have that idea in my mind, but she is now in contract and also there no exact reasons to give her notice period. I can't give silly reasons.

    Thanks.
     
  9. meena12

    meena12 New IL'ite

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    Hi Friends, I don't why it is becoming so difficult to handle this situation and so irritated. Please help me.

    I never faced such things, i am very helping kind of person. i don't why this is making me mad.

    Two days back i made vegetable rice and my self and my husband were eating, that girl came down she is showing faces and seeing what we are eating (that is okay) but she kept a very longing face of expectation that i will give her , but i didn't say anything. In such a situation what i eat how will it digest. I never faced with anyone. Because of the contract i am just adjusting.
    Everytime i make something she keeps such a expectation face, i don't know what to do. I can't keep on giving for a such a attitude of girl.

    But when ever she makes anything she never gives or i don't bother nor i keep such a longing face.

    One thing i obsereved is that if you give her anything she responds properly and talks friendly or she never bothers. Now a days she is not cleaning, i told her, she says she will do never does it. When she uses the cooking thing,that cooking item overflows , but never bothers to clean it,how many times i will tell.

    Please help me don't ignore i don't want to spoil my head for such issues, please suggest me .

    Thanks.
     
  10. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Meena

    There have been multiple threads started by you on the same topic and same issue . No matter whatever our firends suggested nothing seem to satisfy you! what do you expect our of our Ilites here when you have no other thing to concentrate on except for seeing your room mates face. This is really a obsessive behaviour.

    When you are eating, why dont you mind your business rather than trying to see room mates face?If she smiles its a problem if she doesnt its another problem. If she comes out its a problem, if she doesnt thats another problem. If she offers food its a problem, if she doesnt thats another issue..So what does this show...No matter what your room mate says/does..you wont be happy..You constantly have this habit of picking on someone...some kind of obsession on not able to let go off things..or wanting to control someones life and actions because they are renting space from you!!

    She is your tenant. Stick to that...She doesnt have to be nice to you or vice versa...Stick to business and keep it that way...

    Nothing would be resolved as your expectations wont be met by your room mate as she has no clue on how to behave with you. I am sure your room mate also has the same kind of complaints you have on her..Just go back to your old threads and read for yourself how much you obsess over her.

    Next time do a favour on yourself and the person whom you rent out the room to...DO NOT TAKE IN ANY PG. Even if you take one...stick to business. Seems like apart from your room mate you have nothing much to talk about or do ....what else do you do apart from this room mate picking stuff??? Dont waste your time over these most sillest things. Its really annoying to see a girl complaining over another girls actions or faces all the time. Grow up!
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2010
    Ansuya likes this.

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