Attending A Wedding In Which Dowry Was Exchanged

Spineless vegetable ? We don't even know that poor boy. May I offer an alternate reality ?

A girl doing post-graduate OPT in America would surely have met that one-Ph.D-two fellow, before they had signaled for the parental exchange of secret handshakes that is normal in their community and stratospheric wealth.

Really really wealthy people would be able to toss a crore here, and a crore there between their own clan/family members. It is just a totally different thing. Like I had surmised before, the kids who are marrying may know the goings on up above and adopt a diplomatic "don't ask, don't tell" kind of stance.

After her OPT is done, and before her visa is all straightened out, she would enjoy the grad-student-wife life, wherever they are. Being really wealthy could afford a scion to do Ph.D. in the most useless (scopeless in India) subject. Like "Nuanced Bartering Skills of the Yanamami Indians of the Peruvian Amazon Basin" to submit to the Anthropology department of some fancy-schmancy private university. And after graduation, get a job in a small college with a leafy campus in the North East or in New Mexico. And continue to live on the Trust income that the two sets of parents had set up. Life can be so idyllic, and far far away and different from the clan and their business.

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Some people and their mind-sets never grow as par with their money & life style grows. We are feeling bad about this dowry thing, but the real shocking thing is bride & groom are quite even after grown up in US and persuing double Ph.D???

I would say you attend the wedding and see Aur kya kya tamasha hota hai waha

 

So, not a super-close, jigri dost.
And, the joining in holy matrimony under the watchful eye of the Gods c'est un fait accompli - a done deal - by the time you are allowed in.

In the matter of principle, let the maxim of Cassius apply - cui bono? Who benefits? No, no, I am not referring to the dowry, but to your abstention from the reception revelry after a wedding to which you are not invited.

Why not refrain from going to weddings denouncing the lavish dinners that feed people who need no feeding? Just your share of this catered banquet may well nourish a family of four, at least for a meal or two, in (insert-locale-of-current-famine). Protests are useful only to the extent that they are likely to deter future bad behavior, or at the very minimum, when they convey disapproval. So, we ask: Are you planning on telling your friend why you won't come? Are you going to post a dowry-shaming diatribe on Facebook, one that would sting so much that they will refrain from trying to recoup their outlay come time for their ladla beta to be married? If not, then the only person who benefits from renunciation is R, with the same sort of diffuse feeling of virtue that suffuses me every time I set out my blue recycling bag on the kerb, only to immediately tear holes in the ozone layer on my way to some far away vacation.

The invitation is to a celebration. What is being celebrated is not the dowry, but the union of a young couple in the presence of God and friends and family, and society, parental shenanigans notwithstanding. Your presence does not signal approval. Your absence offers no deterrence.

Rihana aunty's only role is to bless the kids wishing that a long and happy married life blossom like a lotus from the swamp.

 

BTW, how does one find out about these hush-hush transactions in phoren? Asking for a friend.

 

what? no open bar and all?

I would totally ditch it. I mean, if you want to catch up with the friend, you can always invite them later. Your principles dont agree, no open-bar and all (I read between the lines when you said simple), a verbal invitation....like who does that these days, especially for a wedding that costed (ahem...crores)??

i do like getting dressed for a wedding though. I know you do too.
On a serious note, THINK. A verbal invitation.
I would not go Rihana. It seems odd they didnt send a proper invite.

 

unless you are going to tell hosts about your principle....it does not matter if you attend ir not .

 

Exactly my thought!

 

Agreed that probably played a part on girl's side and amazed that @yellowmango jumped the gun to use "w" word on the "boy" when the girl ans the girl's side also evaluate what they get out of this 'allianz'. So do we call the girl too names like "w" or is that jumping the gun only if we do that? Come on! Lets not use abusive terms without knowing the full situation. Blindly namecalling in name of equality or feminism is ugly too

 

Investment GC is half a million US$, plus application expenses, and a longer wait. F-1 to GC adjustment (the same desi term "adjustable" (to refer to the bride) is also used for both the F1, H1b types of visas.) timeline is much shorter too.