Attending A Wedding In Which Dowry Was Exchanged

Rihana · Oct 1, 2018

A close friend's niece got married recently. The girl had come to U.S. to do her M.S. and is working on OPT permit. Mutual friends of the parents suggested an alliance (love this Indian word). Boy (love how about-to-get-married adults are called boy/girl) is a U.S. citizen by birth, doing his second PhD. Not sure what happened to the first.

Both boy and girl from very well-to-do families. From a community known to be stinking rich. Girl's parents gave dowry to the boy's parents. Cash. Girl's side also paid for the wedding, reception in India, and sharing cost of reception in the U.S.

Girl and boy know about the cash dowry but had no real say in it, and will never really be impacted by it. It is just how alliances are finalized.

I have a verbal invitation to the reception. Part of me wants to avoid as a matter of principle. The number of zeroes in the cash given as dowry was jaw-dropping. DH was shaking his head at how even after living in the U.S. for 25-30 years people can still take dowry. I asked him should I go, and he tells decide based on 'where is food getting catered from?" : )

ragnarok · Oct 1, 2018

Rihana said: ↑

A close friend's niece got married recently.

he tells decide based on 'where is food getting catered from?" : )
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You are going for the friend as primary reason, so decide based on the friend (primarily).

DH -- good (and smart) answer

Amulet · Oct 1, 2018

Rihana said: ↑

.....
Girl and boy know about the cash dowry but had no real say in it, and will never really be impacted by it. It is just how alliances are finalized.
................
DH was shaking his head at how even after living in the U.S. for 25-30 years people can still take dowry. I asked him should I go, and he tells decide based on 'where is food getting catered from?" : )
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Please go... and find out more.... about what the reception was like. Music (east or west), dancing, outfits people wore, food etc.

Anyhow... this is not the first time where younger, and a wee bit more modern people just show deference to the old ways of doing things. It works well enough in rich families.

Is this a thread about weird weddings we had gone to ? [ while I was musing about shotgun weddings in that other thread, I wondered if I ought to stick in the story about the time I had been to one, where the bride showed the bbump, and was proud of it too ]

Rihana · Oct 1, 2018

ragnarok said: ↑

You are going for the friend as primary reason, so decide based on the friend (primarily).

DH -- good (and smart) answer
Click to expand...

LOL.. food will be vegetarian, very simple and almost "home made." Long story (subplot) about why home-made (not cost cutting).

My friend has been a willy-nilly participant. She herself not very happy with some proceedings, mainly the cash dowry.

Rihana · Oct 1, 2018

Amulet said: ↑

Anyhow... this is not the first time where younger, and a wee bit more modern people just show deference to the old ways of doing things. It works well enough in rich families.
Click to expand...

Yes, I've always wondered how much to hold it against younger folks who get married with dowry. Unless they tell us we wouldn't know plain hard cash dowry was part of the wedding. Practically speaking, the girl wouldn't get married to a suitable "equal" boy if no dowry was given. But, I never figured how they could respect each other if money was thus given. At least if the couple got the money, it would go to their expenses/luxuries, but it goes only to boy's parents.

Is this a thread about weird weddings we had gone to ? [ while I was musing about shotgun weddings in that other thread, I wondered if I ought to stick in the story about the time I had been to one, where the bride showed the bump, and was proud of it too ]
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Why the small font? Almost like you are whispering about something shameful! Was the bride in a lehenga, kanjeevaram or western dress? : )

ragnarok · Oct 1, 2018

Rih - you are pondering too much
If the friend was willy-nilly participant - then that makes it easier - just make one decision(any decision) go or no-go. Either decision is fine, with the 'polite' excuse for no-go (if thats the choice).

GoogleGlass · Oct 1, 2018

what if you had enjoyed the food from a good caterer and came to know about this? if known immediately could have puked if later? all done & digested and...

forget the mil dil business deal - do as your dil says

Rihana · Oct 1, 2018

ragnarok said: ↑

Rih - you are pondering too much
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what's wrong with that? you are like my dh is ... dismissive of such queries from me.

If the friend was willy-nilly participant - then that makes it easier - just make one decision(any decision) go or no-go. Either decision is fine, with the 'polite' excuse for no-go (if thats the choice).
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You are saying I ask Cheeniya or IL_Admin to close thread?

Amulet · Oct 1, 2018

Rihana said: ↑

....Why the small font? Almost like you are whispering about something shameful! Was the bride in a lehenga, kanjeevaram or western dress? : )
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The small font is to show deference to the intent of your thread. It was a western wedding, and the bride wore white!! I talked to the "boy" on the dance floor. Funny dat, when I asked him about the gun, he said only his dad owned a gun.

Rihana · Oct 1, 2018

GoogleGlass said: ↑

what if you had enjoyed the food from a good caterer and came to know about this? if known immediately could have puked if later? all done & digested and...

forget the mil dil business deal - do as your dil says
Click to expand...

Hmmmmm.. dil says go. There is something charming about weddings and receptions, and all that youth and hope, shiny eyes and buzz of chatter... am not exactly flooded with such invites to receptions/weddings that happen in Indian style.