My Aspie friend was introspecting. Aspies are not always nice. First point. She had crush on one of the people in her Management years ago, he was Aspie But he has hatred towards my friend because she always wanted to chat with him. He was 20 years her senior and married with children. He was so viscous he made her resign. My Aspie friend wishes she could have filed a complaint against him. This is nearly a decade and half after the said incident. Now he is probably retired (perhaps in few more years) Second point. My friend’s ex was an aspie. But he was born and raised in environment in India where 1. People are crook and stupid 2. Women are blamed for their own rape so they commit suicide 3. There are more sonograms than toilets 4. People took to the ex because he is tall, fair and handsome (hey many aspies are attractive) 5. The ex was (maybe still is) friends with political wingman. My friend’s Father sent her in first class to India just to impress this evil loser. He bought them the most expensive whisky that even Prime Minister cannot get Unless he visit USA. Ex was oblivious to the fact that she came from well off family and makes six figures. He was focused more on cheating her for GC. Only after my friend threw him did he realize what he lost. Before he was living with my friend and her family mooching off of them. He was not being homemaker like Ladies in this board (whose husbands harass them because they don’t earn money) but sitting on his ass watching tv and p0rn on the phone and internet provided by my friend’s family. And comparing my friend to the sluts and wh0r3s he sees. After he got thrown out he is working at convenient store. Not even in the counters, but in the aisles. His dream is to drive cab or truck. My friend’s evil ex was friends with a political wingman who was advising him. Apparently the advice wasn’t good enough. In a way this is good. If my friend’s ex would have realized how financially comfortable she was, he would have pretended to be super nice till he bleed her dry. My aspie friend wanted to convey this warning to others. Just because person is Aspie, doesn’t mean they are always nice, Perhaps a non-Aspie can handle a cruel Aspie, but a regular Aspie may not. My Aspie friend is thinking 10 times before searching in Aspie dating website for love because what if person on other side is pretending to be Aspie to target them. Of course there are good Aspies too, as there are also good non-aspies who appreciate an aspie. But my friend is working through her fear of love, marriage, intimacy nearly after 10 years. She’s scared she will be with another evil loser again, but one day at a time. And she gets happy and scared during menses. On one hand she has hope she will be a Mother, on other hand she gets scared what if a child ties her to a bad marriage (miscarriage caused her to kick out her ex). My friend hopes this did not upset anyone and apologies in advance.
At a work place, a woman has a crush on a male co-worker who is in management, twenty years her senior, married with children. She always wants to chat with him. In light of how such things are viewed and handled in workplaces in the U.S., I wonder what are the palatable options available to the man. And how many of these are implementable. At what cost and what risk.
Your friend had a crush on a married man who was her senior at work and wanted to pursue him? And then was upset that he would not talk to her? Seriously? I’m not even going to ask how she knew his medical diagnosis. The guy was just trying to keep himself from getting fired and losing his livelihood not to mention his wife taking him to the cleaners.
Meanwhile, what do you think about it? What were the man's options to protect his job, reputation and family? And out of curiosity - what complaint would she have filed against him? Tell your friend if all she had to do was resign under pressure, she got off quite cheap. She could have been rendered unemployable for years if her unwanted attentions got reported to HR.
I'm just Shaking My Head right now. She doesn't realize how she sounds, nor how lucky she is. At her current job she gets paid more, for less hours, and does considerably less household chores (lives close to family who does cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc). All she does is share a chunk of her earnings. She doesn't believe in aduletry, cheating, etc. She says she was lonely and wanted male companionship during office hours. You know the term, Work-Husband, Work-Wife. There were other tensions at work because of her poor judgement in behavior that made it easy for this male boss to side against her. She says her verbally harassed her and she believes she could have filed this complaint. Even another female boss was trying to encourage her to file a complaint against him, but at the time she still had feelings for him (even after the nastiness!)
My friend just sent me a huge text. She has many regrets. As she looks backwards, she thinks that he was trying to get away from her on several occasions 1st at a company picnic, he said that his son's and his girlfriend are not getting along because the girlfriend doesn't like his line of work. Now she feels that the boss was trying to introduce her to his son, i.e. a younger, un-married version of him who is on the verge of a breakup. At the time she never detected it, else would have likely been receptive to the idea. Who knows if my friend could have broken through this Aspiness of hers she might have married this young man, and never had gone to India to marry that evil snake. My friend is very attractive and lot of guys wanted to be with her. A lot of older adults asked if she was married so they can set her up. When people would ask if she was married she would say she is engaged (because there was a misunderstanding at another department within the same organization, so she was scared of keeping herself open) 2nd he tried to get her transferred to an organization that did the tasks she liked. But she was too block-headed to take the hint, and wanted to work where he was boss. 3rd her parents were pressuring to relocate close to them and get job nearby. I am thinking that they didn't know any better way to handle their daughter because she was so unhappy, lonely, and matrimonial alliances weren't working. Face it, lot of males (regardless of culture) are threatened by educated girl. When the boss talked very nastily to my friend she was in tears and took a job that was offered near her parents. She was sad and resentful when she left. Eventually she got over it, and family was desperate to get her happily married. And we know how that turns out. Now my friend thinks it is all Karma to straighten her up. She feels like a "damn fool" and regrets she wasted so much of her life because she couldn't figure out the basics. But ladies like her have extra time. She looks young and beautiful for her age, and she is employed.
Your friend needs to attend a class for appropriate workplace behavior. You go to your job to work, not to hang out, date and socialize and most certainly not to hit on married people and make them uncomfortable with unwanted advances. It is not the job of your coworkers to provide your social life. The guy could have easily filed a harassment claim against her and she would have been in a world of trouble. I’m still shaking my head.
My friend is upset at her behavior after all these years. Fortunately her current job gives this type of training once a year. She’s just frozen right now. My guess is the boss would have been embarrassed to file a claim because he’d be ridiculed, ie a man filing a claim against a woman 20 years his junior. And there were other people in management, his peers, subordinates, who wanted to be more friendly with my friend. My friend says she remembers seeing his teeth clench when he saw her but at the time she did nit understand that facial cue. She was too happy to see him. Now when she sees people clenching their teeth she recognizes it as anger. I still don’t think my friend understands the gravity of what she just avoided with work. She does, but it still has to sink in.
