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Asking For Change When You Don't Contribute Financially

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Dreamer, May 31, 2020.

  1. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    You didn't offend at all. I agree I didn't write complete details. We do have plans to move out but my question was more about asking them something respectfully. And treating in-laws like family is a whole new discussion :smash2:
     
  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:Since you had already decided to quit after a year or so, why you should seek renovation of their house without any readiness to contribute for the renovation cost.
    2. Landlord sometimes permits to some extent tenants to go ahead with modifications and repairs that suits them but would insists costs for restoring the place as it was when rented out.
    3. You have option of quitting now itself or contribute for renovation that you desire or continue without seeking to modify anything for your convenience.
    When it comes to cost and cash, there is no much in laws and son in law.
    Regards.
     
    Sweety2019 and Dreamer like this.
  3. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    The answer would be same if you were a woman. The deciding factor here is that you don't consider their home as yours. If a woman is temporarily living with in-laws no one would think that she is entitled to suggest major changes to their house.

    On the other hand if the changes you want would improve the value of their home or would make their life better, then there is no harm in suggesting it to them. You can also sponsor if you are in the mood for it.
     
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  4. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Ok, here is what I think.

    OP, do you think your in laws will be interested to renovate/reconstruct the house if you say so? If not, there is nothing to discuss.Also, it would be wise to consult with OP's wife on what she thinks about this.

    Who is the benefactor of the improvements? If OP is one of them, be sure to contribute. It is only a nice thing to do. In laws may say no, then give them some money as a gift during construction. I would say at least 25% of the cost.

    If this is completely, Op's idea of construction/renovation, and in laws are not in a financial position to bear it, and since OP is sure of moving out in 2 years, can't he adjust for that time period with what is there currently?

    One other thing to note is that, since OP's wife is the only daughter (I am guessing only child) will the house eventually come to OP? iF this is a renovation that adds value to the house, then OP should definitely spent some money on the construction, treating it like an investment. May be eventually Op has to do this!

    This has nothing to do with if OP were a woman or the in laws invited him to stay with them.
     
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  5. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    this is what i understand .....you are living with inlaws because they and your wife wanted so .You agreed which is great .Sometimes paying rent is better than living with inlaws.So i will not be judging you and saying that you are living rent free and saving etc etc ...i would rather give money and not live with inlaws
    You must have an ok equation with them to live with them and both the parties are probably nice to each other ( at least respectful )

    now you want some changes in the house .You did not mention as to what is the need ? where is this coming from ? i think the answer would really depend on the need of this change
    if for eg there is a need for more privacy , you need an office space , or something similar to this , then of course you should be proposing a change as you are living there as per their wish and ask . You should be a member of the famiy ( just like when we women move in , we expect our privacy;s , certain kitchen things etc etc )

    then that need , need to be balanced with the fact that you will be moving out in 2 years .So is it worth the investment ? does it benefit the inalws later as well , make lifes easier and much better for even them afterword
    and then it also depends on financial situation of your inalws : can they afford it ? will you pay , if so half or full or what extent ? you dnt want them to be in a situation where they used the money and have not much left for their old age
    but if they are well off , then sometimes small changes in the house doesnt even matter

    also is your wife the only child ? in that case , you guys will be getting the property later so there is no harm in paying for improving it

    so basically so many factors depending on why you need the change, financial situation etc etc
     
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  6. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    I never thought of inheriting the house (neither do I want it) but it makes sense to invest in the construction I guess. I never looked at it from the perspective of saving rent either since they asked me to live with them. So I shallspeak to them about it. Thank you for your advice :)
     
  7. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    True. Based on your advice, I think I can speak to them about it. and we are also not sure that we will be moving out after two years or not. So it makes sense for me to contribute as well. I actually never saw it as my own place to be honest since I moved in but if I am going to live here for a while I think I should. As for privacy, etc. I have had my fair share of struggles! Thank you for your advice.
     
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  8. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    OP, You have not mentioned what kind of change you wanted to do at your in-laws place. If that is to do with toilet room, privacy in bedroom then you can raise it, instead of insisting on it. You don't have to adjust to your comfort and privacy for such things, since you have mentioned you are staying there upon their insistence.if they don't have finance to provide, do it with your money.
    Since you have not mentioned clearly what changes you want to do there, people post generic suggestions.
    You post has some ambiguous details, like you are staying there on their insistence, but has plan to move out after two or three years, so are you looking out for options to save rents.
    Is that SIL staying at home a relative to your wife or a sibling? No comments....
     
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  9. Dreamer

    Dreamer Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for your reply. it basically has to do with constructing one more room in the apartment as there is a huge balcony which can be converted into a room. This would also allow a separate entry gate. As per previous suggestions, I am thinking of planning to contribute since 2 years is a guess and I might be staying there longer (although I don't want to, but that's a long story). This SIL is my wife's sibling who is separated. She was not living with us before.
     
  10. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    You case sounds complicated and not clarified from before.
    I thought your wife is only daughter so she has to live there and take care of her parents.
    But now she has another sister who also living with parents.

    Why are your inlaws insisting so many people to live with them under one roof. It must be especially uncomfortable for you to share house with her single sister, in terms of privacy/freedom and feeling at home. I would suggest you to move out asap than get further entrenched into this situation with constructions .
     
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