Arrogant Husband influencing cruel selfish Inlaws

peaceofmindd · Jul 28, 2015

I dont knw how to share what iam going through here. Ima coming from a Academically advanced family background kind of modern thoughts.
Ours is inter religion marriage we got to knw abot each other through a common friend n all he convinced his parents but i coundt and we did registerd marriage witout letting my parents knw, later we convince and they acceptd.
and my husband got married by our own understading about v both vll nt convert we ll follow our own religions and in case baby will be hindu only as per legal laws but he will follow both the religion and al .

my inlaws are village people living in a village, they are living in a house is a like a hut only wit 3 portions and SIL is also staying with them with two childrens of her as a dependent she fought with husband and came back its been 4 years his husband died last year.

Now the problem is my inlaws are always interfering and dominating our life my inlaws are staying in other city but my mil she call my DH and fills his ears and he intiates with discussion with me which will lead to arguments and fights nothing is well btw us . my husband started constructng house in his hometwn by taking so much of bank loan and acsh loan jewellry loan my father law takes credit of it says all his relative its his house he constucted it na ll . my mil is a dual faced lady she misbehaves with me behind my husband and when he is around she acts good with me here his mothers treats me very cheap my mils sister mistreats me and taunts me when ever she sees me once she pulled my hair from my behind with so much force and said i did it just lik tat, she is a very typical villagy women hse feels so much jealous of my cloths hairs nad all once she had pulled my legging and asking how much it is’ where u ll buy all this we also know style nad English she makes faces nad taunts me in evry matter she came to our home in banglore many times, when evr she comes she will scribbe all the things in home pillows vessels show pieseds everything and asks me why do u want all this why u bought this, all this things u will give to my sister know( she is referring my Mil) its so humiliating me, I am coming from a famiy where we are sef sufficient and sopasticated with all faciliaties , i never washed my hanky also till date here my mil got hospiltalised for some illness and my so called dependent sister law n her childrens who are eating sleeping wearing all their expenses born by fil and my DH she ddt even ready to go to hospital and stay with her mom and take care of her , my husband n me we wnet to see her in hopitl there my mils sis was their same that cunning aunty of my DH who there also she ddt leave me started harassing me tat tell me your weight i said i dnt knw i dnt want to check for that she s taunting me “ rumba rahasyam irukku, rahsyam like tat and making face infront of all”all his relatives including his own parents mis treats me and taunts me when he s not around me and when i complain to him about all this he deny and says me im torturing him whereas evn after telling this that ur people are not good with me i m afraid to com et our home town he forces me and takes me their , recently i got to knw about his afther is a low end worker i was shocked i askd him why he lied to me he says u ddt ask me so i ddt tel bat my family back ground in depth... is it making any sense his father is so manner less he enter room with out knowing door even when ill be sleeping or inside by the force of opening door sound i will fully wrap up myself and get up i feel so awkward he even checks my cloths so cheap and walks all around inside house infrnt f me hald naked witout wearing shirt or baniyan i feel so awkward it ld my husband also he says ignore.. and infrnt of his hut ( village house ) neighbour is their he boozes and asks for one day he was like falling on me my husband father law everybody standing and normally conversation with him even my husband instead of throwin him out he s asking me to ignoe and stand behind me.. i dnt knw hw i had to react to him

my sil (villager) she raises her voice and talks to me and makes fun of my dressing legging n kurta n laugh with her neighbour friends, she ha told me to not to have baby coz they are not manageable or if i want i can have one since she s also having two kids and dependent ...... can u belive it how cud she say this to me, when it ld my DH bat this he said u shud have ignored her talks .. she said to me my husband lyf s having some rashi dosha so my husband died, my brother is also having some dosha lik this “..... how cud she expect her own brothers lyf its horrible, she s eating from my husbands money n speaks bull **** and whn i said to my DH he askd her abt this and she stard crying tat i ddt say it lik tat. He scolded me back when her mother was hospitalized whn i told her how cud u nt vist hospital being a daughter tat to dependnt she satrtd crying and said it si their in my heart, my mother in law sold my gold coins which i had kpt wit her nad bouht earring for her daughter when i asked abt my husband id t knw wat fiiling she dd to my huband he s asking me to ignore this also.

Every 5 days in week we will have arguments realted to simple things whch ll lead to big fights and he will hit me about one or other matter her mother fills by calling him up related to how to take care of my own baby or abt food or abt our new constructed house loan relatives everything, my mil was nt happy with me being pregnant nor anybdy thinking tat their son will gt chaged and prioritize and i asked him to put baby name inftnt of house for that my fil reactd why do u want all thse in jealousy ;; jealousy for putting sons name in my husband hard earned money house? I fought with my DH and made it.

they are wanting my husband’s hard earned money self made property for that they are going to any extent i feel , by interfering in our lyf n spending my husband he insults me infrnt of his own parents whn ill ask him tat u r nt going to take care f ur sister n her childrens u made ur life by ur own he himself studied by doing part ime job n took loan made property n sister will sit n eat wat abt our lyf, even she s a degree holder she has to fill her own stomacs she s very arrogant jealous women i have ever seen , along with her mother she taunts me evry time.

My husband has nt kept any value infront of his parents relatives , he will be the completely strange person when he goes their he ll nt treat me good he will nt even talk to me speaks to me in loud pitch infnt of his parents, i feel so pissed of.
once i had old his mother tat he beats me cos i dnt lik ur interference and boozes fr tat she said its oaky its ur personal dnt tel us, nad abt boozing she s telling its okay once in a week is fine.. i cant belive wat she said.

my DH thinks his parents are innocent , his fathers charector is not good i feel , his mother is very dirty unhygene the way they live no proper sanitation no civilization only arrogance and anger entire family shows off. i feel like im trapped i hate to even drink water there just coz his mother will get angry he forced me to have food be there and to sile also he forces me iam not at all for this kind odff ppl r living i hate my lyf

In evry fight he ends up beating me i cry to him speak wat ever in distance dnt come near me dnt hit me please, still he beats me until he get satisfied and see me silent.
When i told him i thought u will change give me respect n care after baby at least for that In our last fight he told me i never wantd baby u forced me to have baby.

He is always a mothers boy his mother is very cunning and cruel to me she indirectly taunts me tat she has got so many vessels and jewels from her parents. I hate her dual faced parents n sister relatives who mistreats mis behave humiliate me like anything i feel lik im in a different planet evrybdy s trying to eat me when m around his ppl .. m scared tat in jealousy thy might harm me n my baby, i dnt feel secured safethis i have told him he says i will help u at one cost u listen towat ever i say ... as if it is a deal ? by protecting my respect and from his relative and parents he will do a favour to me?

Please help me i dnt knw what i shuld do

There is no love no respect no care btw us in this situation i dnt knw wat i shud do i feel lik cum out of this hell marriage by divorcing him

kitty89 · Jul 28, 2015

Would your parents support your divorce? You didn't even think of them while getting married, did you?

Physical n mental abuse should not be tolerated. You could divorce him.

Are you educated? Can you get a job if you now try for one? Will the salary be sufficient for you n the baby?

peaceofmindd · Jul 28, 2015

My father is also very harrasing to my mother seeing all the torture my mom has gone thru with her marriage from her inlaws husband i thought i cud get a better lyf by doing love marriage with a understanding husband who loves care respects u like anything but everything went wrong., my parents cant support me financially, I am a MBA finance post graduate have 3 years work experince in MNCs, he calims tat he loves me, im not undersatnding his situation and im nt giving him torture. i dnt knw im i overreacting .. we dnt hav any kind of bonding nw even a simple advice he takes it as taunt for ex: i l talk abt hygene he thinks im insulting him, he once picked up dead rat lying infrnt of our door in his hand t thrown and ddt clean his hand i asked him to not to touch with his bare hands he said im a village boy for me it is common, i wont wash' lik this. in every now and then scenario he taunts me

Shina · Jul 31, 2015

From whatever i read of your post ( sorry haven't read all of it ) its obvious you r horrified to live like this.To add to all the other non sense is physical abuse. Please start working on an exit strategy asap.
Get a job and give him a clear ultimatum as to what type of behaviour is acceptable to you. If he is not willing to change it would be best to leave him. All the best.

paramlav · Jul 31, 2015

kneesmiley you had so much patience .. I feel you should try for job and please stand for yourself else for your kid

JustMyself · Jul 31, 2015

Am not sure how you said OK and married a person, without even meeting his parents or anyone in his family. It was quite a risk and looks like a very bad risk.

It appears to me, that your DH wanted to marry you and projected an image which would satisfy you to marry him. He may have wanted to keep you "cherished" in his "own" way, unfortunately I don't think he never got around to that.

I understand you are unable to digest the way your extended family is (your inlaws), and you are getting stressed out to the max.

In the current situation, you have 2 choices.
1. Bite the bullet, and accept your inlaws for what they are. They are uneducated poor people, who have never exposed to or used-to life which is beyond their means. They are unhygienic and unclean as that had always been the "accepted" level of hygiene & cleanliness around them. You have to accept and understand why they are the way they are, and ignore unnecessary actions/comments and communicate what you need in a way they can understand. (e.g) even though your DH built the house, it need not matter whose name is on it. the house is in the village where they live. You could have handled this by either not interfering or NOT fighting to get your husband's name. Yes, this is how life will be in every turn of your life (if you make this choice).

2. Accept you made a mistake, and move on. You sound like you have reached your threshold level, or very much near it if you do not change the way of your thinking. If you can not accept your in-laws for what they are, then, it is high time, you stand up for yourself & kid, by yourself. It will be a shock to your DH & inlaws as to why you wanted a divorce, as in their eyes, they are "perfect", and you are the "uptight-stylish spend-thrift" of a DIL. But, you have to stand-up, get a job, and ask for a mutual divorce.

Both these choices are opposite poles, and you are in cross-roads. Think what is best for you and your kid in the long run, and what you live with, and make your choice.

Either way, get a job fast, as you definitely need a diversion !

All the Best,
JM

Minion · Aug 1, 2015

peaceofmindd,

You got tricked into this marriage, i see no hope in your DH or his family changing cut your losses and think about starting a new life.

poovai · Aug 1, 2015

Just one call to the local police station, he will be behind the bar. Did you remind him when he raise his hands?

I can tell you this much from the background of your DH/ILs... The situation, you are in is NOT going to change, any time soon unless you stand up for yourself.