Arranged marriage question - Friendship? checked. Romance? so so unsure.

Meet her and see how you feel. Meeting someone in person is very different from online chatting. Maybe also speed up your marriage as "familiarity does breed contempt" and "long engagements" are not good.

Aamrapali

 

Meet her personally and talk for something so that you can understand her views.

you cannot come to conclusion about girl by interacting in skype and phones.Try to meet her personally 2 to 3 times and think about it..Still if you think her as friend then you can cancel the marriage ...it is on your hand so think about it .

Before marriage everything would be in your hands whether to continue or discontinue

 

In the cultural context of arranged marriages, it can cause a lot of problems if young people happen to fall in love before the "right" time has arrived, and possibly with the "wrong" person.

Is it possible that you have set up these strictures in your mind, perhaps unconsciously, to prevent this from happening? This means that you have trained yourself (again, unconsciously) to think of your female friends as off limits, and separate from your female objects of sexual desire.

I'm assuming you've never had the two worlds meet - in another words, you've never met a woman who was able to hold your attention on both fronts.

I would say this is possible, and even highly desirable. In other words, a spouse should be both things. The qualities we look for in our best friends can and should coincide with the qualities we look for in an ideal spouse (shared values, similar thought processes or habits, complementary strengths and weaknesses, common interests, ability to resolve conflicts respectfully and effectively, and so on).

My advice to you would be to focus on these things, instead of just looks or sexual chemistry. Marriage is so much more than just mating. The sexual is important, but it should not come at the cost of everything else that is sacred about this intimate union.

I don't know if this current prospect will ever become attractive to you. Maybe it is not the girl that must be changed, but your mindset. Personally, I find a great sense of humour, intelligence, clear thinking, compassion, and honesty to be incredibly attractive, both in a sexual and non-sexual sense.

Perhaps you need to figure out how to relate to women on a different level than you have been doing all this time. Wives (and husbands) should ideally embody the best of both worlds - romance and friendship are not, nor should they be, mutually exclusive.

 

Dear OP, i read somewhere-
The most successful marriages are those in which spouses are also best friends.

 

Familiarity does breed contempt arises after years/decades of living together, but not so soon even before meeting in person and living together. At this stage, when the OP has only interacted with his fiancé over phone and Skype, he should rather be filled with anticipation and more excitement. Why is he getting turned off, it is confusing !

May be other stresses like money matters may be bothering him, which may be the reason behind his sense of not feeling excited about the new bride.

 

They say don't spend too much time getting to know someone because sh1t comes out in conversation & it breaks marriage talk. Some say that is good to know but others say those small details are better saved for later when couples will work things out. I understand your feeling. When I did marriage search I always found it difficult for me to have fluent conversation with guys I found attractive. There was an uneasy feeling when you are trying to impress a guy. But other guys, who might be good looking but not attractive to me, made it sooo easy to talk to. I couldn't understand why I behaved this way until I realize I was free with guys I wasn't trying to impress. I didn't care what they thought & had wonderful time talking to them.

As others have suggested, I will eco.... don't get too cozy/comfortable. Keep a distance from eachother. The reason you are talking to one another is to determin if you are right for eachother or not. Once you figured that out (should take few weeks to 3 months, nothing more) then there is no need to chit chat. A decision needs to be made otherwise you are both just messing with yourself.

Make a ticket to india to see her & inform her the next you both will speak is when you are in India. You want to leave an element of suprise. See if you feel the same way when you speak to her in person.

Good luck.

 

hi.... some guys used to feel the same like how you are feeling now... its not bad to think in that way during early stage but its very bad if you continue the same after marriage...

if you chose another girl (apart from the one who is now) can you say, you can over come your thinking??? as my other buddy said, its not the girls mistake, its your mindset to get changed...

once you are into that marriage world you will automatically come out of all your fears & worries... life is the mixture of everything... my best wishes for your future...