Are Your Gifts Emotionally Affordable?

Dear privy,
thanks. These are all the home truths I learnt the hardest possible way. When I started my career I was so sweet to others that I became bitter to myself. Then I tried hard to learn the art of saying no. First I used to say a weak no. Now my nos are very strong. If somebody encroaches on my time I put down my foot to say no. And then I learnt the art of diplomatically saying now. A diplomat never says no. But his yes is much more negative than a no. I just wanted to share my experiences with you. Do you know I wrote a short story in Tamil based on this essay? Not only Ananda Vikatan published it but also gave me a special prize of Rs.5000 giving it a 'special seal of quality'.
Yes, Privy. If you are going to cave into every demand people won't respect you. Say no some times. Say it firmly sometimes. But do it sweetly. thanks for the nice words,
sridhar

 

thanks a lot, Anu. This is one point I want to emphasise again and again. Emotional affordability of our gifts. I have written two articles, a full short story, have inserted this in a number of my novels. And even then I am not satisfied.
thanks for coming in and for the nice words.

 

Dear Mrs. Rathna,
thanks for the nice words you have for my post. And happy to note that you also belong to Madurai.
regards,
sridhar

 

That's true, shyamala. But if we do not want to help and still force ourselves to help our friends or relatives and then that makes the relationship unpleasant. Though I am an accountant I don't ask you to calculate. I want you to just think it over. And if you feel you can't emotionally afford that don't do that. This I am saying only to help you save the relationship. There are very good ways of saying no.
Five years ago one of my friends approached me for a loan of a very high amount. He was a good friend; but the amount was too large. I was not sure of his capacity to repay. I offered 5% of whatever he asked for as my contribution to the crisis telling him he need not even repay that. I saved the money as well as the friendship.
Let's say your best friend wants to borrow your car. You know very well she is not a good driver. What will you do? If you want to be happy in the long run you'll have to put your foot down and refuse. May be, you can do it diplomatically.
Once you are alert you can assess your emotional affordability faster than you can find your body weight.
sridhar

 

thanks, suma