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Are Your Gifts Emotionally Affordable?

Discussion in 'Varalotti Rengasamy's Short & Serial Stories' started by varalotti, Jul 8, 2005.

  1. kottravai

    kottravai Gold IL'ite

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    Hello Sridhar Sir,
    I have read a couple of your articles and I have been a silent reader until I saw this very old post pop-up. It has a simple and clear message which goes straight to the reader's heart and appeals to the mind for sensibility in actions. Hats off to you, Sir, for a gem of a post!
    It may sound wierd, but I find it extremely uncomfortable and delicate to ask people for giving me back my loan, on the rare occassion that I had given one. For that reason itself, I dont lend anybody money. And we have an adage in Tamizh "kadan natpai murikkum" [A loan can break a friendship] - I stick to that 99% of the time, because in your own words, its not emotionally feasible for me. As for me, I have never borrowed money till date-I'd spend within my limits or not spend at all rather then borrow money.
    For non-monetary emotional gifts, yes, if its not emotionally feasible, then whatever the deed was and however good it was goes wasted. Case in example, Vel from your article. For me, respecting a physically challenged person is to treat them as if they are normal people. My feeling is that they do not expect pity, but rather like to hold up their dignity.
    I'm only a babe in the path of life and I have more to learn as I go. So, looking forward to more such gems from all you elders in this forum to guide us youngsters in our walks of life.

    Regards,
    Kottravai
     
  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Varalottiji,

    What an apt example. I am referring to this example in particular, because it is not uncommon to hear so many parents talk of the "sacrifices" they made for the children - i.e. bringing them up, their sleepless nights when the children were ill, having to ferry them to school and back day in and day out, supervise their homework ....... It pains one to hear of these, because it has been the choice of these parents to take on these responsibilities and for that they were promptly rewarded with the cooing and gurgling of these children, their sweet guileless toothless smiles, the love and affection, tender slobbery kisses and gentle hugs. Is it any surprise then when the children resent this kind of talk when they grow up?

    This is a classic case of an unsolicited gift being given and then being cribbed about.

    How true! Enjoyed reading as usual. :)
     
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  3. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Kottravai,

    thanks for that refreshing attitude towards this article. Many times I have been condemned by my friends for being so ruthless. But there is no point in giving something to somebody without your affording it. I don't lend money at all. Once one of my acquaintances approached me for a loan of more than a lakh of Rupees. He was in dire straits and but for the financial help he might go down. I just gave him Rs.5000 and said, 'have this. you need not return this money, till you come up in life. best of luck.'
    I didn't see him thereafter. If I had lent the money he asked for I would have lost my money, my sleep as well as my health.
    Now this training is structured under AT - assertiveness training. And there's a book on the subject, Dont say Yes when you want to say no.

    I am happy to have a discerning reader like you, Kotravai. Sorry for the delay in responding to your fb.
    sridhar
     
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  4. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Satchi,
    There is another point as well. You now see some funny posts on fb and other sites on mothers day. They say that giving birth to a baby is like having a fracture in 20 bones at a time. Therefore you should love your mother. That's ridiculous.
    First the mother chose to have a baby well aware of the pains of childbirth. And she wanted a baby for so many things. It is not as if she was dragged into the deal without knowing the full terms and conditions.
    Now if the childbirth had been painless should we stop loving our mother? Then should children born out of caesarian section should love their mother more than the children born normally without much of a pain?
    Childless women go to infertility clinics and opt for some kind of a fertility treatment. And they say that this is even more painful. The process of artificial insemination and child bearing is even more painful. should those children love their mothers more?
    When the woman goes to that extent to have a baby it is not because of her love towards the baby to be born. It's her wish to become a mother which may have a hundred other reasons. Mothers (and fathers) insisting on their children's love showing pain during childbirth as a reason vulgarize a beautiful relationship. Remember the dialogues in 'Guess Who's coming Dinner' where the father would boast that he had to walk so many thousand miles in his career as a mailman to bring his child up. The son will burst forth saying that it was not done for him.
    thanks for coming in and for the meaningful comments.
    sridhar



     
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  5. Meenasri

    Meenasri Silver IL'ite

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    Varalottiji,

    I couldnt resist writing a line in ! The Article is so Good :)

    Thanks a Ton !
     
  6. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    You are most welcome Meena. Thanks a lot for your words of praise.
     
  7. EverHappy

    EverHappy Platinum IL'ite

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    May be a very late response to this thread, nevertheless a timely read for me.

    Today, I had a conversation with my mother about how she is upset with my brother for all that happened between the two of them. I also listened to my brother’s side of the story. I told my mother I will call her in the night to tell her what I think. I really felt both of them are right in their own places but when put together they must mend their thorns a bit so that it doesn’t prick each other (courtesy of your example).

    A very thought provoking article, though may be I’m not able to digest it completely. In the sense, thinking how am I going to apply this to my life, it definitely gave me a direction to answer my mother and give my opinion to her. Thank you for the write up.
     
  8. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for the response. No response is late as this article will sit here for all time to come.
    I love your user ID which shows your attitude towards life.
    There's no need to look for avenues to apply the points stated here. You just mull over it and when the time comes they will be handy. This is borne out of my personal experience. (read: suffering)
    thanks for coming in,
    sridhar
     
  9. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for the response. No response is late as this article will sit here for all time to come.
    I love your user ID which shows your attitude towards life.
    There's no need to look for avenues to apply the points stated here. You just mull over it and when the time comes they will be handy. This is borne out of my personal experience. (read: suffering)
    thanks for coming in,
    sridhar
     
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  10. privytrifles

    privytrifles Silver IL'ite

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    The first thing that strikes me the timelines, it seems so much valid even in today's times. It reinstates the fact that human emotions dont change with the changing times.

    Excellent explanation.... I had never seen this thing from this perspective. This has helped me understand a lot of problems I face more rationally now...

    Hope I dont burden myself with any such things in future henceforth :thumbsup
     
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