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Are your children cherished?

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by meenasankaran, Nov 17, 2010.

  1. meenasankaran

    meenasankaran Platinum IL'ite

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    The sight of clothes carelessly scattered over the floor of my children’ rooms is often enough to get my blood pressure shooting up to lethal levels warranting a visit to the ER.

    Every pair of smelly socks that I unearth from under a sofa is usually a cue to open curtains on the most explosive show of fireworks ever displayed. One that would shame even the best Independence day celebrations in the country.

    The occasional ‘B’ among several ‘A’s on a child’s report card has been instrumental in me experiencing many fairytale-like fainting spells giving me a chance to test the strength of the smelling salts that I once bought over eBay.

    Feel free to pull up a chair because I can go on forever about all that my kids do or not do to push me to the brink of a cardiac arrest on any normal day.

    I am a perfectionist. Not by desire or design. I simply am one. Or I was until last year.

    A 15 year old child from our community took her last breath this week last year leaving us standing stunned at her funeral.

    She was a beautiful girl, so full of promises. She had enchanted many with her voice that flowed like a dream. She had played tennis with the grace and ease afforded by youth. She had brought home her share of good grades and she had laughed wildly with the abandon of a teenager. She would have sulked, rebelled and cried too. She could have been mine or yours. Today she is just a statistic. One more life carelessly snapped off before its time by Leukemia.

    What wouldn’t her parents do to see her clothes lying messily in her room today? What wouldn’t they give to see her walk through the front door one more time with a report card albeit a bad one? Where would they not go to retrieve her sweat drenched dirty socks?

    Walking back with a heavy heart on that fateful day, I realized that I had lost the desire to raise perfect, flawless children. I no longer wanted to see them grow up to be the future Bill Gates or Kalpana Chawla. I just wanted to see them grow up. It took the death of a child to make me understand this simple truth - our children are precious gifts that we quite so often forget to cherish and enjoy.

    While I wouldn't go as far as recommending that you give big hugs when your children next come home with a few ‘less than perfect’ grades (after all, you don't want to confuse the poor child :)), I do ask that you take a minute out of this rat race that we call life and tell your child/children how much they mean to you. Do it today. Do it everyday.

    My heartfelt condolences to all the parents who have had to experience the excruciating pain of losing a child. May God give them the strength to survive this grief and find meaning in life.
     
    2 people like this.
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  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    meena,

    I am a sucker for anything related to children and that is what drove me to this post..just wanted to say, you are on the dot on this one.

    both me and my better half feel that our home is home and not a museum. well,a stray book on the dining table, a sock under the sofa and a pencil on the bed, makes it more homely.:hide:. (I am a struggling perfectionist and the worst self critic.)

    you miss your children so much after the vacation break..though there are days i wish there were never breaks..

    I believe you have only one childhood and let them have their share of life as a child and not live our dreams..let them carve their own path even if it is learning to succeed after getting a D..after all there is no guarantee that a child with all straight A's is going to be more successful then a person who has dropped out of school..

    I cherish my children and they KNOW IT..and that is what matters..I am sure all parents cherish them, but letting the kids know that they are makes a lot of difference..

    I am pressed for time..and you are lucky because of that, or i cannot stop...

    good one.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2010
    1 person likes this.
  3. DNM

    DNM Silver IL'ite

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    Oh....I second and third what you say. I can only imagine...or actually don't want to imagine what losing a child is like.

    Cherishing our kids has to be a priority. Lately, I have been feeling like time is flying and my baby is growing up so fast. I can't rewind time, I can't slow it down but I can and must cherish what I have now. I don't waste time picking up toys 100 times a day - it will all be scattered within a few minutes anyways. I stop whatever I am doing to pick him up if he wants me to pick him. Soon, he will be too big for me to to pick him up or too big to want me to.
     
  4. kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Meena!
    Very Sad to read this! I remember the flier going out about the young girl last year!
    In the long run the grades, the accomplishments, the talents, everything are secondary as long as our loved ones are with us! We always tell our relatives and friends to never forget how invaluable the human life is!
    Very heart-wrenching but eye opening post! i had tears in my eyes! My heart goes out to the young girl's parents and siblings.
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2010
  5. AbhiSing

    AbhiSing Gold IL'ite

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    Meena

    Excellent post.

    And Shan your FB is icing on the cake.

    I am still on the learning path in letting him know. I wish I better learn it soon and express it appropriately.
     
  6. prana

    prana IL Hall of Fame

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    Meena Mam,yes you are absolutely correct.Comparing our own children with others is really a curse.We have to accept them what/how they are...Have to make them understand that we love them to the core!!!
     
  7. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Meena,
    Usually I ROFL! when I read your threads, but this thread moved me so much, and I was emotional reading this.

    And Shanthi - nice reply. I know you had to run, but can you continue to write the remaining. I want to read all that you can write.

    And can you post a pointer to this thread in the Parenting forum - esp. so many there are preparing the kids for the "rat race". They should read these threads.
     
  8. malligashivaram

    malligashivaram Gold IL'ite

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    What an explosive shot you gave at the begining ---so true of me --I am a perfectionist to "T" --but they knew in their heart That I am a very soft inner part--so no matter of my BLAH BLAH did not effect them---still they are the same no change--dirty socks on my bed wet Towel on Sofa shoes on chair --I can so on---I did it all quietly afer sometime--because of 2 death in our bigger family --one beautifu land loving girl of bone cancer---She struggled to live for 2 year ..she used to say to her Mother why me I am such a good girl I listen to you and father...the other girls are so rude ..she mentioned a relative why is she so well off ahd happy...I will write an article on Her--even after 2 operations --She died.
    Finished, over ,....cant forget the days......,
    Onother one MY husband elder brothers Son --a 26 year old ...hansome to the core and a lovely person...was staying in my house and then the hostel..died in a road accident...shattered the family completely...It took us 4--5 years to recover... till then I became so afraid ...that gave the sons maximum protection...when they came to 18--19 statred shouting at me will you let us go anywhere on our own... after that I realized my folly --I let them on thier own.
    Form the death only I changed my ideas about a perfect house {though not much]--let the children be children and grow up at thier own pace and god protect them was all I wanted.
     
  9. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,
    Meena,
    I came to get some laugh but you drove a strong moral, yes dear you are right, When we ourselves couldnt become what our parents had planned for us we can no more put our hopes on kids let usbe guides only n let them enjoy life

    @ Shanvy : I liked your "House is not museum.........."
    @ Spider man true true
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2010
  10. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Oh Meena, of course like everyone else the first thing that caught my attention was that it was about children and second thing, the word cherish. I, in fact read it a couple of minutes after you posted but could not bring myself to write a response. I have lost many people in my life,(immediate family and close friends)to value just not children but all relationships. I feel the pain when I see the pain that people go through. But the pain will not stop till the one suffering chooses to let it go and that can happen only when we cherish what we already have. Being grateful is such an important part of living!! And the next step is making a difference not only in one's own immediate family but in the community we live in.

    I am not a perfectionist but like to keep things orderly and am constantly amused myself at how I try to tell the kids to be this and that while all the while being aware of the fact that this will come handy only when they are more grown up and independent - in essence I do it because I want to impart the right value system and not because I want things a certain way. It is too funny how I have a set time for cleaning up and the rest of the time the house can stay in whatever state it is in, I just won't budge and the same applies to many activities we do!!

    While I am not driving my kids crazy in aspirations of making them the next richest, the greatest, I am definitely inspired by achievers (in all makes and forms - a mom who stays home, a mom who works, a Kalpana Chawla, a Gandhi, a wife, a Obama) - isn't life all about cherishing what we have be it relationships, gifts or abilities?

    Thank you for making us pause, think and express!! You do bring out the best in others and for others :thumbsup
     
    1 person likes this.

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