Are You Discriminating; Unconsciously?

Are You Discriminating; Unconsciously?

The birth of a child is usually celebrated with great mirth and gaiety, irrespective of their gender. One or two kids’ concept is in all families and they really don’t bother about the sex of the child. The things which did not really change are the way girls are brought up in many families. They are given high education, exposures and all the independence the boys get but at the same time they are brainwashed on some issues consciously or unconsciously. Mothers, grandmothers keep on banging the lectures like ‘what we used to do when we were your age’ kind of talk. Mental conditioning plays such a strong role that it becomes mindsets. Girls are made to dream a life where everything becomes alright if she tolerates all the negativity, ill behavior and ridicule, where husband is like Ram and never at fault and she is supposed to be Sita, sacrificing, bearing all the injustice, where nothing is bad, odd or unpleasant. The seven Pheras around the fire is going to last seven births and blah blah… It is slowly preparing them to live in a fool’s paradise. But when the girls finally step in the matrimony they find there a different world. After a few days of honeymoon and novelty the realities starts sink in. they not only have to deal with their husband but his entire family where usually mother in-law is of same cloth’ when I was your age’.

It perfectly fine where the family is educated loves and understands the difficulties of daughter in law. They go out of the way to help her, or bear the follies with a smile but what about those who are not so lucky? It is heartbreaking to see many educated young girls to suffer where even husband is not a prince charming but a devil in disguise. Now what are newly wedss are supposed to do in that case? Turn to their parents? Well…they do but what they get back is amazing.

Nupur, a 18 year beautiful girl of rich, influential, educated parents was a little bit flirt and had some boyfriends. Parents knew nothing about them and she kept on being a dutiful daughter as her mother wanted her to be. An old family acquaintance came home one day and broke news which shocked her parents out of their wits. He had seen her few days back in a temple in bridal costume. After struggling for many days he finally came to tell them. The girl was summoned and instead of listening her part of the story parents started insulting and humiliating her in front of that friend. Mother was worst, she started banging her head and shouting on her pitch. Meanwhile I and my husband got a call from parents to come to their place. The panic in their voice was evident that something is terribly wrong. When we reached their we saw girl sitting in daze, father depressed and mother shouting…’how could you do that? You did not learn any sanskars from me? How can I produce such a child?’ It took us few minutes to understand the situation and when I came to know that Nupur is married my first reaction was with whom? We knew this family from few years and daughter was particularly close to me. I knew about her flings and tried to put some sense into her mind but thinking that it is part of growing up in the strict atmosphere of her family I did not take it seriously.

I suggested sending her to her aunt’s place for few months. Meanwhile we all can think about what to do. But mother kept on lamenting ‘ Badnami ho jayegi, koi isse shadi nahi karega ab…’

Finally the boy was called with his parents and we were shocked to know that boy’s parents were party to it, they knew about this wedding. Now the problem was that the boy’s family was not at par with the girl’s family, even the boy was doing nothing. A bleak future was evident for the girl, as I knew about her habits and lifestyle this family was no way going to fulfill that in any case. She wanted to be a dancer, an actress but now at 18, not even a graduate; she was already married in the most conservative family. Within a few days she was married off to the same boy with loads of dowry. Parents’ role over!!

You can well imagine the condition. She is in her early thirties now with two kids, no dreams, no love, just ageing housewife whose life is wasting slowly. After realizing her mistake she tried to back up in this alliance but parents were too fearful of the bad name, and instead of supporting her they married her off and wiped their hands off the responsibility.

Kavita again a very beautiful, rich and working on high profile job was married to one of the most sought after boy. Stinking rich, handsome and running a very successful business. It was an arranged marriage after matching horoscopes performed in an auspicious mahurat. Third day of her wedding girl confided in her mother about the reality of her relationship where the boy was involved with her own Masi, his mother’s sister. Family knew about it but thought that everything will be fine once he is married! And horror of the situation was where parents requested their daughter to keep mum and try to adjust. Again the same dialogues’ women is name of shakti, forgiveness, sacrifice, please show some patience, he will come back to you etc etc.’ again the washing hands attitude!! Finally after a year of humiliation and torture she ran away and stayed with her friend, filed for the divorce and was free from the clutches on her own, against the wish of her parents.

‘Dear daughter always remember where you are going as bride you must only leave that place when you are dead.’ Great preaching …isn’t it? And no wonder girls come out as burned brides!! What do you think the brides who are dead at their in law’s place; their parents are not aware of the scenario of her place? They know each and every detail but force her to stay and be a good daughter in law and wife instead of a loving daughter.

Isn’t it strange that the daughter they loved all her life becomes a burden finally which they want to shed off? What are these girls supposed to do, when the most secure and safe house shuts its doors on them? It gives me shudders to think that in majority of cases, parents back off and force their daughter to be where she does not want to be. The stigma of divorced daughter’s parents becomes too much for them to bear so they prefer to play safe; cry foul when she is dead, get sympathy and live happily ever after!

Accepting daughters as human beings, supporting and respecting their decision is what they should do instead of pulling her down to no escape. Sex discrimination is not only aborting girl fetus but it is also killing their dreams, putting their life in jeopardy and finally forgetting after they are married.