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Are you a good DIL and how are you to others?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Renu1999, Dec 31, 2009.

  1. Renu1999

    Renu1999 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I am not a very good DIL as per my MIL. But I do have some problem with others but they dont hate me like anything. It is just small tiffs every now and then thats it.
    COming to my MIl. everyone says she is very good. this and that. Even some one will come and ask her some suggestion and sometimes ask her thro phone. BUt I dont like her constant advice.
    Finally she is good to everyone without me and I am good to everyone with out her. Even if someone else advice me I am ok with it but if she does that I dont like it so much.....
    sometimes I realize she is very old lady but I never realize when I talk to her by herself..How is your relationship works???
     
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    i find this in most of the cases including mine
    my dh says the same everyone likes my mom and listens to her except you
    i never hated her but never liked certain things
    i feel a person may behave different to differnt people and most close people know their real character or attitude
     
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  3. RamyaKrishn

    RamyaKrishn Silver IL'ite

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    Hey Renu,

    A very practical problem that almost all DIL's face probably many do not bring that to the table, while you are being frank enough to tell that :)!!!

    All I have learned is "you can never be good to everyone and be yourself", so be yourself and I know how annoying it is to be constantly advised, while we will be able to accept the same from someone else but not from our own MIL :rotflagain very practical!!!

    Just dont really take things to your heart, heed to her no arguments but still do what you really wanna do!!! So there a MIL will not have anything to complain cos you listen to her but did what you really wanted to do finally not compromising who you are!!! Things would settle down and she might understand that she has to step in only when you go to her and not otherwise!!!
     
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  4. Renu1999

    Renu1999 Bronze IL'ite

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    thanks ramya ,
    for your reply.
    Just dont really take things to your heart, heed to her no arguments but still do what you really wanna do!!

    after lots of years of marriage I find the above statement is 100% true..
     
  5. neha1

    neha1 Silver IL'ite

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    me and my MIL are just cordial. she does not talk to me much and same with me :). if there is something really realy imp. to tell me then she does tell her son to tell me and that way saves our relationship :rotfl. anyway, if its ok with me then i do it otherwise i do not bother.
    i am a super-nice person with friends and family,otherwise.
     
  6. saeen

    saeen New IL'ite

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    Very well put Ramya! I completely agree. I know it's annoying to listen to endless (unwanted) advices. Try this, zone out when these advices are being poured on you and say ji, ok. Then go about doing only what you want.
     
  7. shobatharun

    shobatharun Senior IL'ite

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    Ha ha saeen...great idea you say what ever you want i will do only what i want to do...nice piece of advice
     
  8. feduptocore

    feduptocore Senior IL'ite

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    Hey ladies... I simply love the unified reply of "hear from one ear and throw it out of the other and go about doing whatever you want the way you want"
    I've spent more than a decade fighting a system cowering down to MIL against my wishes and doing things her way and getting irritated and recently I discovered that I was so stupid best way to ignore a person is not to oppose but go about simply actually ignoring this person!!
    Anyways coming to Renu's thread:hiya
    Dear..
    all MIL are wonderful human beings in their own sphere of family and friends but its when it comes to adjusting to another person (namely DIL) presence in their household / its when due to their own imaginary insecurities do they change into the 2 horned devil:rant:rant

    And the same rule applies for us DIL also to a large extent... Its only when both the parties work towards this relationship to be a mutually respectful one where each understands their limits and their spheres does this relation become cordial yet caring one.
    Please note that I've mentioned BOTH PARTIES... its can't be a single sided effort. Alot of new age MIL are now taking this turn and I hope 10 years later if a DIL & MIL have problems in their relationship people will be aghast and not accept it as a way of life as it was / is done now.
    Till Then
    K
     
  9. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    If only my MIL understands me then Iam a "great DIL" I practically do everything for them, but my MIL considers me not only a "bad DIL" a bad human to, never mind God bless her:bonk
     
  10. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    Here are my rants ---

    I am a 'OK' types DIL for my MIL. She would have loved to have her DIL as a house wife but has never told this openly to us. She is a women who will love it if I cook all meals and take charge of everything BUT when I actually do it, she will be quiet for a day, next day she will do everything herself, hesitantly tell me that its ok she will do it herself.. Earlier I used to get upset with her reactions to me but I slowly realised she doesnt like most cooking / cleaning done by her daughters itself whom she trained for nearly 5-8 yrs before they got married. At the most, she will appreciate their work for a week or so, then she will say 'leave it, let me do it. your ways of doing things is not good after your marriage' so I stopped taking any extra efforts of getting a good name from her. These days, if she cooks something, I only chop all veggies, keep all ingredients ready and she cooks everything. Even if she comments anything behind my back, I ignore it as if I never heard it. If she says directly to me, I agree or give a reason.

    I have a detached attachment with my MIL. I actually care for her, but I have seen her mood varying all the time.. When I go back form work, I ask her if she had dinner, how was the day, did she rest? etc.. Sometimes she will be very happy to answer me but there have been some times when she gets annoyed with my caring questions and says, 'ahh yes..' 'somewhat'.. 'it was ok..' It will be like 'why do you even care? anyways you are not around to help me during the whole day so what will you do with my answers.' so I always judge her mood with her first answer and shut up in case I am going to get further negative reaction. I am sure she cannot take it from me if I react just like her, so I try to behave normally.
     
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