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Are "working women" respected more by the inlaws ?????

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by anika987, Mar 17, 2014.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    As I am not working, my MIL literally treats me like a servant. I am also very timid when I am around her. If I try to voice an opinion, she will be like "Good for nothing people should not voice an opinion"

    It aches a lot.The brutal truth is working woman are more confident and since they are also an earning member,probably people around them feel they know a lot and respect them..especially THE INLAWS!!

    Is it true??
     
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  2. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, this is the harsh reality.

    In today's world, stay at home moms are looked down on by society and also by in laws.

    It may vary on which part of India you come from, but largely it is this way.

    I feel it is unfair, and puts a burden on the woman in question, as she has to look after the house and bring up the children, as well as contribute financially in the monthly expenses.

    Moreover she is almost given no choice today, as to where she wants to work or be a stay at home partner, almost everyone expects her to work, even far relatives and neighbours!!
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    aruna...is your mil a working woman? If not...ask her why she feels you are a good for nothing person ?Your problem is not about working or not...your problem is that you are timid. Even if you were a working woman....you would be treated the same way. Look around the forum,you will find plenty of working women who are treated like "good for nothing. "


    You need to work on your self esteem. You stay at home and work. First learn to be proud of that.You are a decent person (hence much better than your mil).Make a list of things you are good at...feel proud about it.Then make a list of things you need to change about your self to become a more confident person.
    Good luck girl.You have one life...don't let frustrated people spoil it for you.

    Start out by learning to treat her comments like the crap they are. Hold your head high and let her know that her comments don't bother you because you are not a "good for nothing like her."

    Best wishes girl!!!
     
  4. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    100% agree with yellow mango.
    I think the difference between woking women and stay at home wives is the confidence they give themselves.
    If you think you are a good for nothing, then you will be treated like one. So next time she says something in the lines of 'good for nothiing should not raise an opinion', say ' I take care of my home,my husband,YOU and manage a lot of things here very well. I dont think I am good for nothing and I DO have an opinion'. First repeat it to yourself a 100 times till you start feeling it . Be confident girl! No one but you can undermine yourself!
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    so true gauridinesh and yellowmango
     
  6. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Oh, working or SAHM, it doesnt matter honey. If you dont work, they use it straight away to put you down. If u are working, they use the magnifying glass to find something else.

    I am a working woman with a high paying job. It didnt matter. My MIL and SIL are clearly very jealous, they made my life miserable. They treated me like crap!

    So, in my opinion, if you stay at home, its a readily available excuse to put you down
     
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  7. JustAnotherMom

    JustAnotherMom Platinum IL'ite

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    You said it ! :exactly:
     
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  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Forget older people. At least they are the old generation. Are SAHMs respected by their peers? Other women? I have at least five live examples of women who think that just because someone stays home they should not spend on a maid, clothes,accessories, Jewelry and other "unnecessary" expenses in life. In other words, if you stay home you are a doormat, how dare you spend attitude. These are all the current generation women, all well qualified. These people are going to replenish MILs like yours so our children can come here and vent!

    seriously though, as long as your DH respects you and doesn't complain why even bother about what anyone else thinks. You think you are the queen and demand respect. Don't let others make you feel inferior.
     
  9. msharma

    msharma New IL'ite

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    Dear Aruna,

    Reading ur post made me v sad. But before u get convinced with ur MIL's thinking, pls count the number of hours you put in so that your household runs smoothly. Think hypotheically can ur house function comfortably if you are not there for even 2 days. If not then u are as important as any other earning member of the house. Coz u are doing all the monotonous daily chores which enable the earning memebers of the house to do their jobs outside without worrying about their little needs. So pls do not be ashamed of you not working.
    Wud like to ask if ur husband also thinks this way too??

    Also, speaking from personal experience, I worked for 7 years before quitting my well paying job for my kids, I can tell u one thing a job of a House maker is way more demanding, tougher and never ending... the irony still remains that people around do not realize the effort.

    Please do not beat yourself and stand up against people who try to demean you..

    Best of Luck!!!
     
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  10. VaniVyas

    VaniVyas Platinum IL'ite

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    I would say, YES.

    Working woman always get good respect from in laws. It actually comes as a part of chain. See when u are working, u start taking care of some of the basic needs of kids and husband. Thus they are happy with u. For eg: if we are not working, we have to depend on husband for even a color pencil, or a sketch and petty things.

    But now we can take care of all this, without disturbing them. Also the best part for me, is I can surprise my DH with gifts.... same way when ever I go to meet relatives I can buy wat ever I bring a smile on their faces.... Sometimes DH does not believe in gifts, so I take up that responsibility.
     
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