As a continuation of Building Positivity in Married life Forum, let us talk about whether we are completely blameless when it comes to problems with our In-Laws. It's generally speaking, not very hard to get on with one's own family of origin, simply because we have grown up with them around us. Does not mean that it is all smooth sailing. We see their limitations but tend to gloss over them. We might fight with our parents and siblings as much as we like or criticize them, but we are unable to take others criticism of them. Why? Simply because we love them unconditionally as they do us. Come to relationships between ILs. What goes wrong? Obviously there are a lot of differences in family customs, amplified that much more if it is an inter-state, inter-religious, inter-cultural or inter-national marriage. Why is it we are not able to over come these differences? The reasons that come to mind are: Expectations of others Our defenses are always up and we are quick to take offense at real or imaginary slights even if we could accept the same behaviour from our own parents/siblings without question. No matter what our romanticized notions of marriage, the concept of 'them' and 'us' creeps in somewhere. Comparisons start - my parents vs my ILs, my husband/wife vs me, the way 'we' (my FOO) do things vs the way 'they' (ILs) do things. All perfectly normal reasons. Happens to all of us. But do we ever put ourselves in the shoes of the other party and think what short comings they might find in us? What is our own contribution to that friction? Looking at our own warts in the mirror could help us be more accepting of the other side and their foibles. A basic degree of acceptance and understanding could lead to a realistic, healthier relationship even if it is not all sugary and diabetically sweet.