Are we biased.. when it comes to Extra Marital Affairs?

Guys am I the only one here:hiya, who thinks this stupid bunch you all are mentioning is just a micro% in this whole wide world? The are lot many women who spit on such crooks and walks away, leads an awesome life. I personally seen such amazing women and yes, her friends and family were always supportive of her.

 

It's not a micro %.

From

From

I think even among Indians in USA or in India this may still hold. It's possible that India's conservative society will make one think that prevalence of this in India should be lower than these numbers suggest. But considering that most marriages are arranged and by sheer chance alone many of them will have to bring couples together that may leave a lot of void in life, it's quite understandable if they find escape routes and that should make up for that conservative damp on the numbers.

I think I know a few people who have been involved in such things at some point of time or another. They look and feel like any of the rest of us. So it's not such a micro % as we like to think.

 

sarma

The micro% I was mentioning are those who blame women as the cause for her husband's or her own's affair.

 

Nandhu, what I've noticed, is not so much out right BLAME on the woman, but more like, making excuses for why the husband might have cheated (i.e. maybe he had a lot of stress at work, maybe he wasn't getting enough sex at home, maybe it was a mid life crisis), whereas for women cheaters, there is usually outright condemnation of her moral character (i.e. she is a slut).

 

This is exactly what I feel too. When a woman steps out of marriage, immediately the society attacks her character and condemns her but when a man steps out of marriage its always for a reason. Also since he is a man, he can put the affair aside and start life with a clean slate, if a woman comes back after an affair, she has be a life long slave for her adultery.

 

Of course society takes a biased view of the couple. The errant DH is generally welcomed back and resumes life . He is also considered macho by other men since he was able to taste the forbidden goodies .
The poor lady involved cannot come out unscathed like her paramour and is very rarely pardoned by her family and spouse.
She is considered a pariah by the other ladies who make extra efforts to stay at an arms distance from her and keep their menfolk out of her way as she may entice them too.
Not without reason as other men including respected DHs consider her as an easy prey (!) , try to score and get near her hoping to get lucky. She will also be subjected to derogatory jokes and double meaning remarks.
An adulterous man would not get the same attention from the other sex. No woman would try to get close to him.
All said and done the adulterous man is a stud and the woman is a slut.

 

I feel the way we think and the attitudes that become inbuilt in us as a people are all a result of our culture fostered over centuries. But times are a-changing. There is nothing right or wrong. It's all a matter of acceptance.... and this keeps on changing.

We should be as innovative in our social life as in our material life. Our ancestors were like that who were flexible and innovative... though they gave the impression of rigidity. Our present-day society is just the opposite.

We all understand society can never be static and like everything else dynamism is the very characteristic of life. If we cannot face this essential fact of life we turn into hypocrites. This is our dilemma today.

Our times demand that we be open and think boldly for ourselves . And this is happening.... just look around you......!!

Regards
Prad

 

The Coolidge effect

I read something very interesting.... food for thought......

Here is the Coolidge effect: Coolidge effect - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

On the lighter side http://www.indusladies.com/forums/forward-messages-and-jokes/1488-six-classic-affairs.html

An interesting article/point of view : http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/01/polyamory/

Prad

 

Yes!!!!!

We are biased towards women, not only for the case of EMA, but in general for everything.

I am talking about Indian society, since we are in a predominant Indian ladies forum. The people who come to this online forum are either educated or have the access of internet and IT facilities at their homes. Which means, they live in big towns (cities), where culture, customs and other controvercies play a minor role infront of the mechanical metro life.

But come on.... India is not a metro land with super power of educated and extra ordinary rich people. It is a land of normal uneducated poor civilians, who value their culture, customs and all the controvercial practices the most than what is real and what suits for their real life. (please refer indian's educational and economic stats for more info).

If a couple is separated, the whole blame goes to the woman.. No matter how cruel the husband, how nasty the inlaws.. The society, even her own parents and relatives would say.."""She should have compromised a little, adjusted a bit at least for her kids, or she had made a wrong decision and gonna suffer now"""

There is an unwritten rule that a women must adjust, compromise, cope and do all the efforts to change her husband.
If her husband is a drunkard or having an EMA, then she must show some extra love and affection to him so that he will drop all the bad habbits and come back to her. It is the ONLY good sign of a wife.
Else, she will be blamed for her man's EMA and mainly the blame comes from her fellow female counterparts mouth. That's something very practical.

I have heard some women gosiping like..." His wife is so fat and shapeless, his wife is always busy with her career and never care for him, his wife is really talkative and no one can tolerate with her.. Or his wife is very poor in cooking/house keeping... Etc... And they compare the culprit (the lady who is involved in that EMA) and say " Yes, this man did fall for this lady due to this "speciality" - Eitrher it is her beauty or caring nature or young age and then say that is something lacking from the wife's part. No matter how nasty this man is.

Basically it is something acceptable in our community that a man can go out and look for other partners if his wife is not acceptable. Though it is not legally and morally all right, the society still wants to make this up with some lame excuses like " See... This women is not caring, this women is not staying at home, but concentrating on her career, or this women is not capable for family life etc....)

But no women is justified for her EMA (though it is just an emotional affair or just some close platonic friendship with a man). She will be definitely blamed and the entire society will sympathise at the husbaband like " he used to work hard for the family, but his wife needs another man for her happiness".

You can name 100 or 1000 brave Indian women in the US or in the metros of India.. But that's not the real India.

So I disagree with Nandu's micro % standared.

 

:hide: I would like to say that basically the society is responsible for this affair of EMA that is prevalent in India as well as in this part of Asia.We are born and brought up in a society where a set of rules and regulations (whether good or bad ) govern our lives. We unknowingly develop a concept that we need to adjust and continue a relationship even if we are not comfortable in it. This at times lead to EMA. We feel it not worthy to discuss it with our spouse the problems we are facing rather than feel it safe to start and carry on an EMA. The society:rant is also there to creep into our affair and make our lives miserable so why bring all this into light rather than safely carry on an EMA which demands no commitment. The spouse is happy and so am I.My status in society is also not disturbed.
Another aspect of solving problems mutually or coming out of a relationship or going for a divorce will involve expenses as well as unnecessary time and energy.So why go for all these hazards?
Now coming to the main point of discussion that whether we are prejudiced ? It's definitely true that women are the most humiliated when their EMA comes into light.That is also due to our mind set as per societal norms.We always have the image of a woman as a mother and daughter,always humble and vulnerable.We can never think her to get engaged in such a vile deed.From time immemorial men have been associated with having many wives or affairs.It was taken to be a royal and manly gesture.That idea is still to some extent registered in our minds so their EMA is not so grievous offence as that of women.In this judgement there is no partiality.Men as well as women agree to it.Women don't find it wrong in criticizing another woman.After all men are men and women are women.