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Are we biased.. when it comes to Extra Marital Affairs?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mstrue, May 12, 2010.

  1. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    First of all, my thanks to the new ILite Simom who is the very reason behind this thread. She had asked the below question in her very first post: http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/2793-extramarital-affairs.html#post1201046 .

    Her Question in her own words:
    "If a man is in extra marital affair you will suspect his wife n will suggest her to find out what is wrong with her which made her husband seek other woman. If a wife is in extra marital affair and she is because her husband is not just to her or he himself is in affairs, still you will blame her that why couldn't she find some other way to get out of her problems. You will tell her to be patient, to think positive, to pray to God, to make changes in herself n in her life style so that her husband comes back to her.
    This shows that women is the only responsible person to break or make a home, but than you will only call her weaker sex. She has all the responsibilities but no rights. Why so?

    I must say, Sadly this attitude of people (even women) add more n more pain in the lives of such victims and they suffer:drowning."

    I know many have the same question. And many have something to say with this regard. And hence this thread.

    Thanks!
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2010
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  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Whatever is the underlying reason for why a man or woman seeks out an EMA, the FAULT lies with the cheating spouse. If a woman is a bad wife, the husband needs to discuss it with her... not bang his secretary.

    Likewise, if a woman is not getting emotional lovey dovey support from hubby, she needs to take it up with him, not seek an emotional or physical affair with a friend or coworker.

    Like I say in posts to others... it takes TWO to MAKE a marriage, but ONE to BREAK it.

    But yes, I have noticed a biased against women not just on this forum (probably less on this forum, we've got some pretty sound thinking ladies here :thumbsup) but in the real world too. That is just how a lot of society thinks. Women often get the blame, men often escape the shame.
     
  3. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Ok, we discussing here about one member's opinion, or is there stats that prove there is bias?

    Because to me this thought is not right and in this time and age, no woman will not take whole responsibility for her husband's affair just because she's a woman.
     
  4. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Nandhu,
    This is not about Simom's opinion nor there is a stat. It is just a question to ponder.. I just did not want to steal her thought, thats why as a courtesy mentioned her name. :)
     
  5. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with Sarma...he said it well

    Ofcourse inlaws would always blame the DIL, apart from that most of the times, fellow women are the ones who cause more pain (as ASG said women are more biased than men) JMO
     
  6. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Here's an example of what I've noticed:

    When a woman has an affair, lot of times people say "Wow, she's a slut".

    When a man has an affair, I often hear people compare the mistress with the wife and then make assumptions like "Bet he wanted a younger woman" or "She was too busy with the kids and her book club" or "Maybe their sex life was lacking" or "boys will be boys".

    I'd also like to note, the majority of speculation and gossip on affairs that I have personally heard, has come from the mouths of WOMEN.

    So, I'm not quite sure of men's opinions on a woman's affair vs men's affair.
     
  7. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    In my experience, which is limited to extended family on both sides, friends, friends of friends, if an extramarital affair happens, the spouse who has the affair gets the blame. Immediate family sometimes blame the not-guilty spouse and point out his or her limitations which they claim lead the guilty spouse to look elsewhere. But, this is only rare.

    Maybe in rural areas or small towns, it might be more the case that the wife gets blamed for the husband's extramarital affair.

    What I have seen is that the wife is more often expected or persuaded by near and dear to forgive the husband for having an affair, while the husband is less often expected to do so. The reason is put down to the adjusting and nurturing nature of women that should make them put family before self, and that men are possessive by nature.
     
  8. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    I know of a woman whose husband cheated on her. She was an American classmate of mine, white, belonging to an upper-class, white collar, 'professional' family AND married into one. When her husband had an affair with one of his underlings, her FATHER told her that she was at fault because if the wife is 'smart', then she would know how to keep the husband happy at home! When she wanted to leave the cheating scumbag, her parents (actually, her father) blamed her attitude saying that it was her DUTY to stay married, to honor and OBEY her husband and to take on the responsibility of 'fixing' their marriage - NEVER MIND that HE was the one that was having the affair!

    At no point of time, did this upper-class, 'gentleman' of sorts, seek to blame the son-in-law or give him a earful, placing 100% of the blame on his OWN daughter's shoulders, instead!

    It takes all kinds to make the world, huh?
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2010
  9. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    So true, in every aspect of life. Love your posts, Malyatha! :thumbsup
     
  10. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with ASG... Women are the worst enemies of women sometimes.

    When I was going through a horrible phase in my life in an unknown country with no family .. most ( and I say most) of my girlfriends were really judgemental, broke all ties with me, thought the same things as ASG said...
    " maybe it was her fault".

    I alienated myself from all my friends, made couple new ones and basically had to do it all alone. The so called respectable ladies supported the physical abuser,liar and cheat. They still do. Recently when his current wife ( who has left him within 2 yrs) called me to vent or apologize she told me these people told her that " She was the luckiest woman on earth".

    Malyatha, the so called upper class or white collar people come from royalty and ;as in India and in Europe having a mistress was a matter of Pride and Status. They never think its the man's fault.

    I am just glad that such people are only 20-30% of the population.

    If we are less judgemental in our thoughts things will certainly change.

    FL
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2010

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