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Are we being fair to our mothers !!!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by SiriVeda, May 21, 2010.

  1. SiriVeda

    SiriVeda Silver IL'ite

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    "Hey...How are you after delivery? How is the child doing ? And by the way how come you are in office...Its just been six months since your delivery right ? " I asked a colleague of mine.

    She said "The child is good...I asked my mother to come and stay with me, she is taking care of the child".

    Now, I always fail to understand, Is this fair ? A mother does so much for her child right from the day she feels the feotus in her womb. At every stage of her life, she sacrifices her desires and happiness for her child.

    Then, when she is in her 50s or 60s, when she wants and needs rest badly, when she wants to enjoy quite mornings and evenings with her husband, she is given the responsibility of her very young grand children.

    Are we being fair ?

    Sirisha.
     
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    sirisha
    i am working and expecting a baby soon
    and yes i have to return back to work again and i would defnitely need someone to take care of the baby even though i have a maid or care taker at home they cant look at kids like grand parents do
    either mom or mil are best to take care of baby according to me when mom is not around.
    yes i agree mom needs rest but i have seen grand parents who are more intrested in taking care of grandkids they dont think its a duty or responsibilty they love taking care of kids atleast in my case

    tommorow may be if i become old and in a position to help my daughter or dil in rasing their kids i will be more than happy to take care of the task
     
  3. DecLadyDueAug

    DecLadyDueAug New IL'ite

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    Hmm hi SiriVeda,

    yes most of us depend on our mother's a lot during our delivery and later.....its only because of them that we are able to cope in such a critical and important stage of our life....
    Even non-working mothers would depend on their mother's at this stage.
    Its their experice which enlightens us .....we can make her happy and contribute however much we can........by making her feel at home....giving her rest.....as usual mother's are mother's.We ourselves will be at that stage someday when we need to look after our grand childern based on the experience passed on to us
    ITs the GAme of Nature
     
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  4. SiriVeda

    SiriVeda Silver IL'ite

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    Dear lavii,

    "but i have seen grand parents who are more intrested in taking care of grandkids they dont think its a duty or responsibilty"

    I actually beg to differ. My MIL used to takecare of my SILs kids. When the first child came, she was very energetic and happy. As the child was very quite and calm girl, she never had any problem.

    The second child, a very naughty and mischevious boy, used to give her all the trouble in this world. My MIL would be tired always and she hesitated to tell this to her daughter and Son in law.

    Even if a mother is tired, she will never tell it out. I feel, its the love for her daughter more than the grand child, that makes her go on.

    Sirisha
     
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  5. SiriVeda

    SiriVeda Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Declady,

    You are right in saying that we should learn from our mother's experience. Its a different thing if one is at home and taking the "help" of one's mother.

    But can we or should we really put the entire responsibility on her.

    Sirisha
     
  6. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    I know every case is different sirisha like i said this is JMO
     
  7. malligashivaram

    malligashivaram Gold IL'ite

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    IT depend on our parents heath too, my mother was young when the grandson arrived around 42 she managed the work easily, but made sure i took most of the responsibility, as it was my child, after my operation,--as i was not working went back home after 2 moths and took charge of my child, completely.Then the 2 nd one arrives mom came for 1 month --even though operation, went back because of family necessity.
    She used to say nothing can take place of mother ----if we keep doing, you will be depending on me to do everything---that is human nature--you relax and forget, and looking after your child will be more out of duty, instead of love and care---like handing over unliked work to servants, the same mentality seeks in--unintentionally---we never feel much for servants thinking that they are doing their jobs, and we and paying and feeding them,---as if birthright---- i think there is nothing wrong in looking after grandchildren, if they like it, and are strong enough for it, or if there is no other way----but most of the time we should care,teach, love---as it is your child.
    if the grandparents cannot mange, due to health or mentality reasons, take leave bring up your children, send them to school then go back to work, and leave the children in grandparent care till you come back.--in the evening or nigh--making sure you have servants too, so that they are not overburdened.
     
  8. SiriVeda

    SiriVeda Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Malliga,

    Your mother is absolutely right. The responsbility first lies on mother's shoulders and then on father and then grand parents.

    Sirisha
     
  9. yams

    yams Platinum IL'ite

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    dear sirisha!

    even a small kg child needs a practice to write at first! it takes the help of a teacher similar way when a lady gives the birth to a baby she is just like a kg girl in that! she needs lesson to be thought out to her! the best teacher to her will be none other than her mother!
    then only she can serve and help out her daughter in future right???
    its just a nature dear! your mother teaches you know and you teach you daughter later!
    even they don't take it as a burden! often all elderly people long for such a thing! taking care of their sweet little grand children!
    but we should not take advantage of it even when they are not well or not healthy!
     
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  10. SiriVeda

    SiriVeda Silver IL'ite

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    Dear yams,

    I agree. However your statements hold good when the young mother is actually present at home with her infant and taking the guidance of her mother.

    The girl in the question is neither at home nor is sharing the responsibility. In her case a grand mother is playing the role of a mother.

    Handling an infant is a tough task for any one. The baby needs continuous attention. For a grandmother in her 50s or 60s (though expericenced) the task becomes tougher when she has to do it alone.

    Here Iam not referring to grandmother assisting the young mother. Iam referring to grandmothers who take up the complete responsibility of the baby.

    Sirisha
     
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