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Are There Limitations To Even Close Friendships?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Needtobestrong, Feb 26, 2019.

  1. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Just few experiences I had with close friends...I mean very close friends during college days ...how ever close we were during college days , the opposite happens once we come out of the student phase..I had a group of good close friends from different streams during college days ..
    Some years after passing out too stayed in touch and attended each other's social occasions..

    One friend's wedding was fixed...six months gap between engagement and wedding..when she gave me wedding invitation a month before I asked her where she and her husband are settling after marriage ( it's just a general question and nothing personal) ..she said same city itself where we are.. she will stay with husband and In laws in joint family..I wished her all the best..just 2 weeks after marriage she posts update in social networking profile of shifting ( permanently ) to foreign country..FYI visa processing to that country, I,e dependant visa need to be done many months in advance so she knew she is immigrating to other country immediately post wedding but dint reveal..I was surprised but didn't say anything was she expecting me to be jealous of her getting married or going abroad or what..

    One more friend concievd..but didn't reveal till 5 months pregnancy were completed .ok that's fine..it's her personal choice to reveal anytime..maybe she had health issue..I congratulated and enquired about health..since she had nausea I asked in concerned way whether her office manager lets her work from home so she can take rest..she said that there is no WFH at all and manager doesn't allow to work from home and she goes to office every single day...
    I came to know A few days later from one more source that she is not to be seen in office and completely working from home since day one of pregnancy and her manager is ok with her working from home till the time she starts maternity leave..it's a small matter but there was no need for my friend to hide from me..Was here expecting me to be jealous of her pregnancy or of her getting work from home options or what...

    Three years after passing out from college I met one more close friend...she had put a lot and lot of pics on social networking sites with one of her colleague..they looked good together..and arms around each other and all..I asked her if she is dating him, she no we are only friends...I didn't question further..just a few months later she puts a big status update that she and that guy are in relationship and in love since three years..there was really no need to lie to me that they're friends ..I don't even know that guy and would have been happy for her...

    One more close friend just sent me engagement invitation just previous day before her engagement..it was to be held in choultry..even though being in same city, she knew I was working that time and would need to apply for leave or take permission in advance.. I was little hurt she didn't at least tell me some days back that she is doing arranged marriage and getting engaged so I could make arrangement...formal invite and all could have been sent later also..others were invited earlier but I was unable to attend due to being invited at very short notice..in their custom the arrangements of engagemnt ceremony that too in choultry take more than a month but no intimation was given to me at all..

    Ok I don't hold grudges against them at all...but I'm just giving few examples and venting that the closeness and honesty and friendship that We have during college days can't be had some years later....as we experience outside world more, we learn to be much more guarded about what we speak and reveal about ourselves and cautious about dealing with others learn the hard way that the more expectations we keep and more love we have, more is disappointment..it's all a part of growing up..:( FYI I'm much older and mature now so I'm able to look at all this from neutral perspective..
     
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  2. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    I am surprised you haven't seen this behavior before. Just let it go. People don't generally tell things in advance if they are unsure of the outcome. Your friend going to a foreign country and not telling is okay, not telling about relationships is double okay(what if they broke up later?), not telling about maternity is triple okay(many people do this, esp if they had miscarriages or have a high risk pregnancy). They have their insecurities, you will have yours, let them feel bad when you hide something. Don't feel guilty to hide yours when time comes.
     
  3. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes there are limitations to any relationship. None of my closest friends knew when I was dating my husband ( different religions, orthodox families, career choices). Same for pregnancies ( difficult pregnancies along with superstitions). Move to foreign country ( visa uncertainties etc).
    All your friends actions are absolutely normal .
     
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  4. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Except for engagement one, rest of the incidents you quoted are very normal , people won’t advertise unless they are 100% sure and also don’t want to publicize the special privileges.

    Engagement issue — may be she forgot and remembered last minute .
     
  5. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    I didn't read your last paragraph. Yes, initially I used to get very disappointed with such behavior. But now I don't. Not at all. Especially after my brother did this to me for no reason at all, just to placate his wife. And in the clumsiest, stupidest manner possible. Initially I felt bad, but now I think it's okay. As you said, it's a part of growing up and being mature. And don't worry, your turn will come and that time you can have your sweet revenge.
     
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  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks all for your replies...gave me a lot to think about..
    Again saying I do not hold grudges against them or mistake them as I've moved a lot since those college days...it's been many years and life experiences have made me more mature and broad minded..nowadays I'm also not very open about my personal life and quite conscious and guarded about what I reveal about myself..
    Anyways at this point of life, most ladies I make friendship with seem to be more of acquaintances only as all are busy with family, career etc.
    Sometimes I think about something and feel like venting to get different points of view.
     
  7. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    It is totally okay to vent but take such things with a pinch of salt. If you let them take over you, life will be miserable.
     
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