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Are "playdates" Really Necessary??

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by anika987, Aug 29, 2016.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    My kiddo is almost 4 and she has her close cousin her age to playwith nearby and we meet almost everyday.other than that she goes to daycare for almost 6 hours and interacts with other kids..

    Recently went to a party and saw some of my neighborhood ladies who seemed fine.They have kids ranging from 5 to 8 years of age around 10 girl kids..they invited me into their playgroup.

    Now,they see quite nice on the front and with my past experience plus taken my nature into consideration,i really do not like getting into that playgroup.Even if it was afar,i might be ok but living in the same community..once you get involved there is no getting out.I do not feel like interacting a lot..
    once in a while is ok but here my community is too active and it sometimes drains me out..

    Do you guys send your kids to playdates everyday?
     
    KashmirFlower and blindpup10 like this.
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  2. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    guys..any replies?
     
  3. Rajkum846

    Rajkum846 Platinum IL'ite

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    If your daughter gets bored at home and has no one to play with, then may be it is absolutely needed. But you mentioned she has her cousin to play with plus she is going to day care. I guess playdates may not be of big value to her at this point. See if you can go once in a while and convey to them that you are not available for all their activities. That way your daughter can meet new people and they won't bother you much. I guess they cannot expect you to be part of all activities just because you take your daughter to play area :)
     
    sindmani, yellowmango and anika987 like this.
  4. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    My son is 3 years and 4 months now. I don't send and I don't think play dates are necessary everyday, if he/she spends time already with other kids in school.
    I feel to have long term friendships for kids, play dates are good thing. Not necessarily every week, for one or two times in a month with the kids they get along well or you feel they can be good friends. For now I prefer outside in a park or at any event already happening in a city, as my kid is still young and if other kids parents are not close to me but we meet so that kids can play together, like once in a month.
    if kids are little big ,( not toddler anymore), and you also like to spend time with parents then having at home I prefer.
    Overall it is good, for me it doesn't work everyday. If kids are neighbors and evening they play outside for an hour that is good for kids.
    If you know already coming out is tough, then go to one or two times in a month, and see if works. If playdates are like all people meeting, partying and cooking and cleaning associated then it is too much to handle. If you like the group worth the efforts.
     
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  5. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Finest Post Winner

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    @anika987
    I will tell my childhood experience- I was the only child in my family for the longest time ( maternal first grandkid) paternal- all my other cousins were older by 2- 5 years ( boys). When I was growing up it was the same situation in my neighborhood- there were no kids around my age. I went to Creech and KG's. I had friends there.
    When I had cousins to play with- it was just cousins or school friends most of the time. My mom who was a working woman had no time for my playdates. I feel it has affected me as an individual. I am an extrovert and growing up where I had less opportunity to make friends curtailed my ability. I couldn't even get school friends home.. coz my mom wouldn't be home.
    My 3rd cousin, on the other hand, had a SAHM and her parents monitored her and her friends over playdates from a very young age.
    Now we are all grown up- the amount of friends my cousins has is unbelievable. Making friends and maintaining the friendship is truly required for immigrants.

    I suggest you can make a call about playdates by asking your daughter- ask her is she open to having more friends.. does she feel like playing with your friend's kids? Make a call based on that.
    If you are not ok with the parents- make an effort for your DD's sake- Do things like... attend few playdates with your DD and maybe when your DD is comfortable tell your friends you will just leave your DD and take turns in hosting playdates at your place for other kids.

    If your DD wants to have any of her daycare friends over.. tell her to invite them. You are no way restricted to stick to the circle of mommies in your neighborhood. This will even give an opportunity for your DD and you to have new friends too.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2016
    mituyadav, Laks09, madras2018 and 2 others like this.
  6. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    If you don't want her to grow up and have friendship and socializing issues/worries/call-it-what-you-want like you now have, join this big playgroup, where they are themselves inviting you. Suck it up for your daughter's sake. Doesn't hurt for her to have a few more friends other than cousin, even after 6 hrs playschool. You can always reduce interaction later, based on so many things - KG starting, DD busy with her activities, you busy with preparing for some exam etc. If your kid will be going to the same school as these kids, even more reason to start to get to know these parents and children.

    Only thing is your DD is almost a year younger than the youngest in that group.

    I didn't sugarcoat the above. I think I am/was like you in a few ways. I've been through this with a few differences - I can say this - watching your child walk alone to you at school pickup time, while all other kids are in pairs or huge groups, hurts like hell even if child is absolutely fine with it.

    While only one friend is really needed at a time, it is nice to have choice, and not be overdependent on one friend. Esp. with girls, their elementary school cliques can be cruel.
     
    sindmani, yellowmango, Laks09 and 4 others like this.

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