Are people with fair skin treated better generally ???

Laks09;3515173]@butterflyice - Best parliamentarian, indeed! Hope you saw the happenings in the Kerala assembly yesterday. Toddlers are better behaved. These are the people whom we entrust the nation to. I'm disappointed. If there is one thing that will never change in India that's the politicians. Wonder when they will learn to behave.

@guesshoo, @shanvy are the best persons for very valuable child rearing tips. I wish guesshoo was around while my dd was little.

From personal experience, these kiddos no matter what we try and "teach" them, they seem to learn what we do. I can sit and lecture for hours together but my dd will do what she sees me do. Once when she was two, we were having an argument. My dh told me something like "you are crazy", in a very harsh tone. She kept saying "Amma crazy, I won't go to her" for the next couple of days. She probably didn't know what crazy meant but she knew what Daddy's tone and body language meant. From that day forward, we present a united front to the children. My dh treats me with great respect and I do the same. We treat her the same, we give her a lot of respect. It helps immensely when kids aren't thinking of us as hitlers.

@Laks09 My younger one, one time said "Guys stop fighting guys be a good grown ups" where all these words comes. Me and my husband was stunned and explained him we are not fighting but just having a talk in a louder voice and then he goes"talk with your inner voice" WOW!! we just nodded our head and moved on

I used to keep nagging and asking her to light the lamp in the AM and chant a mantram before she heads out because I did it after the kids went to school. Wondered why that didn't happen. I moved my schedule around. Now I wake up early and light the lamp first thing in the AM. She doesn't miss her mantrams a single day. She usually wakes up, bathes and gets ready before coming down. She tells me seeing the lamp encourages her to go pray.

This waking up early morning is the only thing I have to work on to solve all my problems in my life

I was never a confident kid. I was shy and timid. Actually, only in college did I learn confidence. I didn't want my daughter to be shy and reserved like me. Right from the begining I modeled a very confident Mom. We did a lot of mom and me classes together where anything that needed to be done, I'd be the first parent to go jump in and do it along with her. I learned to dance and for any party I would run with full confidence and start dancing the moment someone opens up the dance floor. I have two left feet but I love to go dance anyway. My dd would come and join me. Probably that helped.

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I dont have this problem because of my fair skin but I dont believe in this. Its all what you do in your action is what counts.

 

I did not realize who posted this as the page opened and I did not check the name. I should have realized it has to Laks .

I was just about to comment that it is stories like this truly inspiring not realizing it was you. I am tired of telling you that, though.

But seriously, it shows no one has all the answers but it is that attempt to find answers that is so great and the best part is we have so many resources to learn. I too was a shy (not timid) girl in school ...reserved and self conscious until I knew someone well. I could never speak in public. I became a lot more outgoing in college but I think I really truly bloomed here in graduate school. So I too know what made me shy and how it held me back in many ways and I want to avoid all that with my children. I want them to be outgoing and confident.

Laks you has two left feet? If true then I feel better because you talked about loving Zumba and I was like easy for you to say. You are not the one suffering from two left feet. I cannot dance to save my life

 

I hope you son exceeds all you expectations but wherever you do, use you knowledge and what you learned along the way for these kids. The world needs teachers like you but more importantly these kids need you. You should seriously consider it.

 

@hridhaya- You DD is only 7 and in this age you are the ideal of a beautiful woman for her. You have more power to influence her thoughts and use that the best possible way. She must have heard about the color issue outside home and it is remarkable how much children pick up. But help her understand that skin color is very unimportant in consideration for beauty. The best way is obviously through example.

I would say celebrate all her achievements even those where the achievement is only trying so it is imprinted in my mind that what you do is way more important than how you look. Never hesitate to point out how someone's kindness creates such warm feelings in our heart than their beauty.

But all that said, let her enjoy being a girl. Join in the fun and have fun experimenting with hair and all things girly. As long is it is innocent fun ( I must add, I don't like little girls trying to be older than their years in clothes and make up- entire life awaits them for that.) , go along with it and bond with her. Create an environment of trust where she feels comfortable to share her feelings with you. The bonds that you create today which help you in those difficult teenage years. If you can be her mom but also her best friend and confidant, your war is already won.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mo3ZJymnsRw

Dark is beautiful.

I have joined a similar campaign that was part of tn.

and all those who feel irritated and bad about the fairness creams submit your complaints against the same here.
The Advertising Standards Council of India -

 

@Laks09 now you need to take that step forward..and we are all going to cheer for you till the finish line..go girl..you can do it. sometimes, the little things that we do for others manifests into loads of good positive vibes for us...and not just because of that, but you can definitely help your little guy and many more children who need people like you..

 

@hridhaya kids learn these things by observing and listening and that is one reason why we need to be careful until they are big enough to understand and talk about it. (that was auto restored from my post of yesterday..and only after posting i realised you have mentioned the same campaign and links of nandita das:hide:..)

A personal experience -

With my DD at 6 years..

my dd had lot of hair on her legs and arms when she was the same 6. a very very friendly(!) neighbour told her you should talk your mom about getting it removed either by shaving or waxing. i was not privy to this.

that weekend i saw a small patch of my kiddo arm was clean, and i was worried, about what did she do. i asked her slowly what happened and how did this magic happen. what she told me had me scared for life. she said she climbed and took out the razor that dad used to shave and tried to shave her hair off while i thought she was using the loo. a little careless swipe would have left her bleeding..that day we had a talk, about some people having hair and that this was not the age to worry about all this, and if somebody makes a comment, just ignore. learn to respect your body and never abuse it. this particular sentence is like a mantra. they will recite it even if you wake them from their sleep. but till date, she has not tried to clear off the hair (yes she does still have) and tells me have learned to live with it. (I know she has braved bullying, teasing and comments at school, that i would not want to discuss here, but she has learnt a tough lesson, let the world keep pulling me down with their comments, i am going to be strong..!!!)

DS-at 6 years.

we were in another country and lived in a complex of mixed origins. and the kids used to play downstairs. my ds would love to make friends with anybody, he needs to play, he never bothered if the other guy knows his language, he would sign his intentions of playing and will play with the other kids for hours. so one of those family had a couple of guests and the visiting kids joined in the play one day and made fun of him, to the extent of chasing him through blocks teasing him by the time we went down. it left him traumatised for a day or two.

He wanted to know why he was called black. he is/was not black. he was just dark. why can't he be like his sister and dad, who were fair compared to the both of us. so we had this talk about genes, and told him that he got his eyes from his dad, nose from his dad while his sister got mine. that he got my dimple, and color but height from his dad. tha he is a part of me and dad, and we love him the way he is. and he should be proud of himself. and that what matters more is being a good human being, and a good person from the inside, and what is on the outside is of not much importance. it has worked for us.

at 6 and 7 they are receptive to all that they hear. it could be a passing comment from a family member or from their friend, it could have a impact if the person is someone who rates high on their list.

Make her understand that she is beautiful inside out. appreciate her looks, her dressing when she looks pretty. i am against makeup so no idea on that. i have never used nor i have bought for her. the most she has used was when my daughter participated in some tv skits, schools skits.

healthy long hair is a dream for many children in that age. blame it on tangled or frozen with flowing tresses. mine had/has long hair. but i am never adept at hair styles..poor dd still has to make do with the regular plaits...

you can talk about being confident, healthy,active, a sports person or whatever she wants to be. boost her confidence a lot. with age you can tell her that color is just based on the percentage of melanin and that a little extra melanin is not going to stop her from being a bold and beautiful young lady.

@laks09 what parenting tips..i am still on the learning curve,buddy..we learn together..

 

@hridhaya - My mom is a fair , good looking woman with excellent skin . None of her 3 daughters have taken any of her features. My mom never used any make-up and had always insisted that we should concentrate more on studies and improving our talents. She was never for dressing up and giving importance to looks.

Now , thinking about it, I feel it was her way of bringing up children confident of their own appearances. All of us are pretty much confident in our own skin. So , it worked for her.

 

I saw the Nandita Das's video. First off, she is proof that skin color does not determine beauty. She would have been just as beautiful if she was 10 or 100 shades lighter - no more no less. I have known many Indian guy friends say they find her gorgeous. She comes across not just physically beautiful but also educated, articulate and warm. Someone you can be friends with. No airs or graces of celebrity.

Contrast that with a Kareena or Aishwarya or Priyanka or any of those mainstream celebrities. Not anywhere as much talent as Nandita but the affected mannerisms, the fake accents, the pretension and colossal ego are all intact .

We are so used to seeing women in our movies that look nothing like majority of Indians. It is somewhat shameful to me when a non- Indian ask me why it is that way. My husband does not understand what this hoopla is about Aishwarya and thinks Kareena looks manly. I think Aishwarya looks nice when she is dressed in a more simple manner (but she is so caked in make-up all the time that it mostly looks garish) but on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being best, Kareena cannot get any more than a 2. Yet so many people think she is sooo beautiful only because of her skin color.

I remember a few years ago, I saw Bhagyashree in an infomercial for some fairness cream. I though of her pretty until that day but after seeing her in that, I find her ugly. All these superficial women with so much money have no conscience or social responsibility. Young and impressionable girls see this and will get so impacted but they don't give it any thought as long as their coffers are filled.

I did not let this bother me so much in my younger days but I never thought of myself as good looking at all either. Only after I came to US, and when I started getting complements from many people (guys and girls), I thought of myself as ok as far as looks. I still never really believed it, though.


I do agree with Nandita though. Parents are so important factor as far as instilling their children with sense of self worth not just in looks but all aspects of their lives.