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Are maternal grandparents more attached

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sricharani, Dec 17, 2009.

  1. sricharani

    sricharani Senior IL'ite

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    In my personal experience, I feel my parents are more attached to my DS, rather than my in laws. My parents would like to see his photos, see him on webcam and hear him speak atleast 4 - 5 times a week, whereas my inlaws rarely want to hear him speak or see him although they have a chat facility at home. My DH keeps telling his mom to come over chat to see our DS but she rarely does that. Just wanted to know if the maternal grandparents are more attached towards their grandchildren...
     
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  2. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    i dont think so
    i think any grandparents form mom side or dad side love grandkids
    some lack expression some are more expressive in nature
    sometimes it depends on how many grandchildren they have too
     
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  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with lavii. I don't think we can generalize and say that every dad's parents don't love their grandchildren as much as mom's parents. While your dh's parents may indeed not be as interested in your kids as your parents are...that doesn't translate to all men's parents being uninterested.

    Think about it this way.... we all live on the same earth. But on this one earth we come across parents who throw their babies into dumpsters, but also parents who would give up their life for their kids. So, it goes to show that there is a wide range of attachment possible in relationships, ranging from none to maximum.

    About your mil.... she might not be a very affectionate person. or she might be loving your kid very much but just not show it. or maybe she is showing it and you've just missed the signs. Anyways, who cares? You love your kid, what other people want to do with their love, time, or affection is up to them. Just be happy that he has one set of grandparents who like to interact with him regularly.
     
  4. Renu1999

    Renu1999 Bronze IL'ite

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    I think elders find it very hard to use computer . whenever I ask my fa to come to internet to see my son he says he is tired, r he has some marriage to go to. he is not trying to avoid but he finds it extremely hard to use it and he gets so irritated when volume goes down or if he cannot see the image properly. In my parents house computer is just like a furniture my father prefers talking over phone.
     
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  5. paddubala

    paddubala Silver IL'ite

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    i agree with lavii...it is just that some ppl express more...for instance, my MIL is extremely fond of kids and can be with them for hours...whereas my mom wud prefer to do household work or something else...she lacks the patience to stay hours n hours...but that doesnt mean she wudnt take care of my son...even myself, i spend time bcos it is my son...with other kids, i can spend max of 15 mins....
    bcos of this, dont harbor any negative feelings against anyone...
     
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  6. reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with Renu. Most people of your in-laws age in India are not so internet savvy. They find it really cumbersome to get used to webcam, chat etc. Internet speed and cost is also another factor.In many places, the net speed can be slow and draggy.

    In my case,DS is just 5 months old and so far I feel my in-laws are as attached to him as my parents. Ofcourse, it is too early to come to conclusions.
     
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  7. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    Interesting question.

    Research indicates that since maternity need not be proved (it's obvious, yeah?), maternal grandparents are evolutionarily programmed to be more invested in their grandchildren and the grandchildren's well-being than paternal grandparents are. Paternal grandparents tend to be less invested / attached to the son's children simply because paternity is NOT a given - which, in turn, means that they have only their DIL's word for it that the grandchildren carry their son's genes!

    This was a study conducted at an Australian university, but since I am unable to find the study document in my own University's database, I will keep digging and post links here as soon as I find them. It's a very interesting research study and gave me a ton of aha! moments whilst going through it.

    In your particular case, it could be that

    (a) Your in-laws are less expressive of their emotions than your parents are

    or

    (b) Your in-laws are less technically savvy than your parents are and further are so intimidated by technology that they are unwilling to learn more / give it a shot

    or

    (c) Your in-laws, as you suspect, are simply just not as interested in your child as your parents are, after all.

    Aa long as they are warm and loving to your child when they meet him, then I don't think you should make a big deal out of this. Let be.
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2009
  8. swaram

    swaram Senior IL'ite

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    I think it depends on each individual. The way you describe your IL's reminds me of mine. The only difference is my IL's will do everything for their daughters kids. They don't even wish my kids on their birthday. They are both good with computers and even if they are in US or we are in India during my kids birthday, they never wish them. But they will go telling each and every soul that they wish everybody on their birthday etc. It is an outright lie. MIL will even tell me that she remembers everybody's birthday and that she even wishes her brothers grandkids etc without fail.

    DH initially wanted his parents to be close to my kids too, tried sending pictures etc regularly. If he asked them if they saw the pics - they will say they have been busy and will tell him your sister sent pics of her kids, they were very good etc.

    My outlook is it is their loss that they do not get to spend time with their grandkids. You cannot change them. I also know of some paternal grandparents who adore their grandkids.

    Swaram
     
  9. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    On that note/ discussion I'll salute my MIL :bowdownfor utmost patience & love she showers on her grandkids. .be it DDs or her Son's.
    There are times when I myself had run out of patience but for her nothing comes to priority when her grandchild is involved. No child should cry at any point... leave all your work and attend & feed the child on priority.

    She wont run to clean herself or bathe if my child threw up everything or messed around even with diapers on... she infact insists to keep them without diaper & agrees to take all responsibility of their mess.

    She's overpossessive for them & would literally sratch & howl anyone who even brushed her grandchild.. however this overpossessiveness becomes an issue since she has no place for me or my family... for her anyone in her blood stream is of utmost important to her... she cannot shower same care & love even for any neighbour's child too even if she's on good terms with them.... she infact cant handle them over 1/2 hr & wants them to go back:bowdown.
    My parents cant match up to her levels in this matter however they have the capacity to accomodate all children & same note & care at the same time for their own & neighbours' as well.
     
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  10. Sujimallige

    Sujimallige Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Malyatha,

    V interesting study there.Thanks for sharing the logic here.

    suji
     

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