1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Are Live In In-laws Engaging Their Grand Kids At Home?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reesha, Jul 1, 2020.

  1. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    554
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    I have ask more, what do you mean they are utilizing more. sometimes, these general statements lead to whole new perception.

    do you mean they are making you work all the time .

    do you work or home maker. i work so any time my IL or parents are here, i am too happy. some where safe where kids are taken care if i am late.

    i would suggest focused questions. if they are making you work all the time , that is not good . you need to talk to dh.
    kids activity is different.
     
  2. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    201
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Ofcourse lavani,

    I am working women and i have to balance my life with hectic schedule. I am specifying about contribution part from In-laws. due to them, i have to fear of timely cooking daily 3 times a day from last 10 yr and next future years. they dont like maids cooking. may be mine also. they dont care either i have busy schedule/busy with kids or do i have patience/intrest to cook or not. it is compulsory duty because of combined family.

    and more ever maintaining 5 star level neatness at home with 2 toddlers? ...just think how that add burden on me and my care taker who suppose to support me by caring kids, but all time busy with cleaning works due to MIL orders? Combined family will work better if all are contributing their part of work. but my in-laws are not at all contributing from starting onwards even in case of kids engagement.

    shouldn't i expect for kids purpose at least 2 hr daily because i am talking 3-5 hr over burden because of them daily...
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2020
  3. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    201
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    You are exactly true. it happens several time. i want to cook simple items most of time in week due to busy, but for them i have to prepare full meal. this point made me exhausted really.
     
    Needtobestrong likes this.
  4. SaiNiharika

    SaiNiharika Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    27
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    My MIL acts that she has concern on me and on kids when my husband is around. After he went to office she watches TV and sleep and talk in phones....etc. Is their idea to teach a lesson like this type of person. I too frustrated to see daily these dramas. Please share ideas. My husband shouts if I start to explain about them.
    I can understand their behavior but my kids also learning these types of acting and over concern words.
    She also acts that she is doing all housework when he is in.
    And always trying to prove that i am wrong.
     
  5. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    201
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Teaching lesson will fire TOM & Jerry war which may worse your life.

    First suggestion is ,You can write mail/voice msg like me with clear words , it should expose your inconvenience levels but shouldn't like complaining.


    for example..start like " i dont want to complain on any one in family...it is for to explain my inconvenience which u may understand as my soul full lover..because u dont have patience to listen my feelings. I hope you will keep this as our secrete..so .. "...etc

    Second Suggestion is...you can do more over action over her infront of husband when she started action. then take light...but its bit hectic i think. u have to balance ur emotion a lot before and after :)
     
  6. SaiNiharika

    SaiNiharika Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    27
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for your suggestion. He is more egosit. As am a working women he always trying me to degrade. If i say somtinh he just don't want to follow only in money matters and their parents matters. i never fighted with Mils and hubby. Always i try to understand the situation and explains my self and sit calm. I afraids my words towards money and about their parents behaviours worse our relation and spoils kids future
     
  7. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    311
    Likes Received:
    201
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    I too passed this phase exactly. but this will make you exhaust at some point of time.

    if we don't open out emotions, it may cause to health issues. i got stress related which is thyroid because of my controlling of emotions and carrying heaviness at heart , now it came to normal after explaining all things to my husband. It will take some time to husbands to digest truth of your relationship with in laws. but once he knews, he may help u to out of PILs stress. Instead of bursting, try with patience.
     
  8. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    554
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    dang.

    i am sorry for what you are going through.

    these stupid parents who do not adapt. i consider myself so blessed, my il will not drama when i hired a gujrati cook.

    i do not know what to tell. you need support from your spouse, otherwise you have to put your foot down.

    work and cook and clean and kids.and over that serve another over grown old KIDS who do not do anything but just complain. this will drive anyone crazy
     
  9. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    450
    Likes Received:
    554
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    nope just put your foot down. there is more to life other than cooking, cleaning and kids all the time.
     
  10. preeti6years

    preeti6years Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    25
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    I have been reading the posts on this thread for quite sometime and was with holding my urge to reply awaiting few more replies.
    Well not all In laws are supportive in this matter or rather they would pretend to support. Some feel their son and DIL are blessed to have them in the same house.
    While taking care and not taking care of the kids is one point, not taking care of them in a right manner is another point which is extremely worrisome.
    Prior to lockdown I had a caretaker for my dd. Except making her to eat, MIL had nothing to do. So here comes the problem. She never used to give her food at right time. And even the quantity and what food she gives her was also worrisome for me(She had forbidden me to cook for my dd before leaving to work saying she would only make something for her.). Inturn she used to boast to BIL that she is having late food and not able to take nap because of my dd. BIL used talk as if we are very lucky as his mom is taking such a good care of my dd.
    Now comes the situation during lockdown....she never cares...we have meetings scheduled and here my dd wants to be entertained. She keeps screaming and no one would come to our aid at that time. Before attending my kid MIL would see if she would get brownies out of it. Based on that a" Go" or "No Go" decision is made.
    On the other hand whenever my dd goes to her she would give her tab and make her sit as she would want to watch or read something else. In turn tell everybody that we are spoiling the kid by showing TV and mobile.
    I had to shout on top of the roof to stop this nonsense.
    Second thing continously force their interests on the dd. This was the bigger challenge for me. MIL is more interested in devotional reading and such stuff. Whenever my dd goes everytime she either used to always tell mythological stories or make her recite complex mantras. This was to such an extent that my dd started getting obsessed with all that. Even for this I had to pull my lungs put and scream.
    They keep throwing challenges one after the other and its a daily battle.
    Seeing all this happening around...now while working I make my daughter to sit with me in my room itself and make her play with toys and its much peaceful for me now. Second half she sleeps and I work peacefully
     

Share This Page