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Are Live In In-laws Engaging Their Grand Kids At Home?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Reesha, Jul 1, 2020.

  1. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Finest Post Winner

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    I doubt that's what was on OP's mind.
    I feel the OP was expecting the kids to be involved by grandparents not necessary by telling stories.

    My 2 cents- Don't expect your in-laws to partake in your kid's life if they don't want to. Some people are just not the type who will adapt to talk to kids in a certain way or involve kids in their activities.

    There is no way you can utilize for the past things that you have already done. But the good thing is you have gained their love already by doing everything for them in the past.

    Maybe you relax a bit in the future and not jump all the hoops for them. Kust say you won't be able to do 100% as you are getting older, kids need more attention, hire help if needed.

    Kids who have grown up in a joint family without grandparents really involved don't really miss them or remember them. But as a parent be present for your kids.
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2020
  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Grandparents engaging, entertaining, amusing or involving the grandkids by playing board games with them, making paper boats, origami or a rabbit with a handkerchief, reading them stories, hanging out in the garden, taking them to the nearby park, reciting slokas or poems together, cajoling the grandkid to eat more food, helping him/her to eat or peel difficult snacks ... these were the ways in which grandparents of yore spent tons of time with their grandkids. Now, they prefer whatsapp, youtube, reading magazines, walking, friends, whatsapp again to forward random "Good Morning" sunrise images, stock market, local social groups, rangoli, giving or taking music lessons on Skype, sleeping, watching TV, reading books, watching IPL and loud TV news-shows.

    TL;DR: Grandparents spending quality time with the grandkids happens if one is visiting the other for a few days. When living together, not much. That's what I have seen in my relatives and friends.
     
    joylokhi and Reesha like this.
  3. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    this is very true in recent days. But still DILs are forced to stay with in-laws and even supreme court passing laws.
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Supreme court laws rarely impact real life of regular people. Lay the blame where it belongs - a lack of understanding and communication between the husband and the wife. If the wife is losing her privacy, he is spending hours each evening with his parents, the parents are interfering in house building plans, getting rid of good maidservants, and the husband is not addressing these issues, then, that is the problem. Not combined family practice or supreme court.
     
  5. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    @Rihana If there was a provision, I would give a thousand likes to your reply. Clearly OPs disdain for her inlaws will shine through in all her actions and vice versa! It takes 2 hands to clap, and the ideal is very difficult in these times. No one party can be blamed. The lesson learnt by me from all this over the years - is maintain distance if possible and be there for each other when needed! This too , doesnt work out for most people due to force , coercion by the spouses concerned. Sad state of Affairs!
     
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  6. pni

    pni Senior IL'ite

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    I also feel same. peple who maintain distance and not expect anything from them live peacefull life from my experience. This I saw with my other relatives. If we expect something from them today we are forced to return that later. We need to oblige. In-laws take close relatives for granted and for all duties. Good to maintain distance from beginning.
     
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  7. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    My mom's parents lived with us. I never realized how lucky I was to grow up with them around until I was in college. They were never the story telling type though I remember me requesting my grandfather to tell the story of the woodcutter and the golden axe repeatedly.

    Grandparents are a safe haven for kids. An extra blanket of security especially when you fight with parents during those teen years. I was a particularly stubborn girl from a young age who would get in trouble often and my grandmother was my shield. Can never forget the tasty food my grandmother prepared that my grandfather mixed dexterously and made into little balls to feed us. Story telling was more about stuff that happened in their lives than ramayana or mahabharata. The love they have for us, their confidence in our abilities etc cannot be added up into quantifiable gains.

    As they grew older we joined our parents in taking care of them. When they were sick, they would listen to us, their grandchildren, more than their own sons or daughters. We shared a really special bond that cannot be attributed as due to story telling or structured activities.

    Though it is great to have grandparents while growing up, it is not worth it if the grandparents and parents are not able to respect each other.
     
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  8. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    I am sorry I can't agree here, if changing a DIL's attitude towards in laws would bring changes in them then there won't be any problem in any household.
    Some In laws think that by default it's the Son's responsibility to take care of them while they can relax, they feel being a little help with the grand kids is like they are doing a great favour but for their DIL it's 100% responsibility to attend to their every needs either its medical or food etc etc
     
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  9. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes that’s exactly how most inlaws behave...if it’s a short term stay it’s ok, but if living jointly under the same roof, in laws cannot be expected to be treated as guest in 5 star hotel..that too when there are small kids at home..all members need to contribute equally to household to keep it running smoothly..unless they’re very advanced in age or have chronic or terminal illnesses, there’s not excuse for laziness...either they can contribute to chores, or kitchen related work..or can supervise domestic helps to get the work done and adjust with them..those who feel too weak can help in siting with kids and keeping them occupied with homework, curriculum related work, storytelling, activities etc..atleast can supervise babysitters and keep their expectations very low with respect to food prepared by DIL and ability of son and DIL to look after them while handling entire household and kid still on their own...else it causes a lot of resentment..they have the option to stay separately too if they need their freedom and privacy and rest at old age..
     
  10. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    It’s the second part which causes more problem...for example, the exhausted and unwell DIL wants to make simple khichadi with pickle or raita for lunch, and the in-laws say they don’t feel like eating khichadi and she should make aloo parathas and paneer sabzi instead , without help. And she has to wash the dishes too on her own..khichadi would have been a one pot dish and easier to cook and clean up but they won’t adjust ...such things cause resentment.
     
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