Yes, internationally, April 2011 has been designated as Child Abuse Awareness Month, and my today’s post is dedicated to numerous children who had silently suffered abuse in the hands of their family and strangers and have decided to remain silent; and to those who had grown into adults and are still suffering psychological consequences of child abuse in their adult life. Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) is a reality, even when we moms try desperately to pretend that it doesn’t exist or we will always be protecting our children. But the grim truth is CSA happens. And in a whole lot of cases, it happens from people children know and are familiar with, and happens because we parents do not heed to our children when they try to tell us something. We tell them what they are thinking or trying to say, is actually not happening. We tell ourselves that yes, it is actually not happening. And when it finally happens, we tell our children to keep quiet and forget about it, and thereby break the precious trust children have in their parents and adults. But is it possible to forget CSA? Do ask its victims if you don’t believe me, but no one forgets being abused. They carry the psychological scars with them all their lives, even as bodies heal. Oh yes, our children have always tried to tell us, the parents, when they have suffered. Be it in their falling grades, or their reluctance to meet strangers, or their particular abhorrence to go to any friend’s house, or in their total silence, their bodies and minds have always screamed for help from parents, for most often they are too little to understand why they are being hurt, and they have looked up to us to support them and help them defend themselves. How many times we have ignored these signals? How many times we have not taught our children the difference between a right and a wrong touch? And how many times we have failed in our duty as parents to make our children aware about the potential dangers that always surround them? I have come across parents who feel CSA always happens to someone else, and not to their children. And I have seen parents urging their children to go and kiss their aunts and uncles without being aware of how they are making their children vulnerable to predators. I have been brought up in a joint family where strangers have hugged me and pretended to kiss me, even when I was no longer a child, but in preteen and teen age. We did not have any courage at that time to go and tell this to our parents. Had we even mentioned that, our parents would have said, ‘that’s ok, they love you, you see’. But our instincts were very strong. We knew instinctively, that all these so-called family friends and relatives were doing something they should not be doing. Next time we avoided them. Such instances have made me an aware mom. It’s my promise to my child that I will not fail her. So what can we do to protect our children from CSA? Here are my five points on my promise:Teach the child about good touch and bad touch, about why his/her private parts must remain private and anyone touches them is doing something wrong. Open up communication lines with children, so that they feel free to come and say things to us, without fear. Not only strangers, children need to be made aware of the fact the CSA may be done by even family members like uncles, bothers, cousins, servants, drivers, baby sitters, ayahs, teachers and aunts (yes, aunts too). Although this sounds horrible, but hey, others need not know what we have taught our children, do they? If children are using school buses, vans, or car pools, make sure they are not the first one to be picked up or the last one to be dropped. Keeping the cell number of the driver of the vehicle is also not enough. I try to discreetly click a photo of him/her on my cell too, and if possible ask him/her to provide identity proof, and a copy of a driving license. Children are so trusting, and I hate to break their innocence, but we need to plant in them a tiny bit of suspicion about people, about not trusting people when they say, ‘Come with me, I’ll take you to your parents’, and to check every story they are told to with their parents. And God forbid, if such a fate befalls any of our children, please do break your silence to protest. Our children need us to speak out.
Hi, Thank you. If you or anyone is interested, I'd recomemnd Pinki Virani's book "Bitter Chocolate" for you all to read about child sexual abuse. It's a must for all parents, to understand what are we fighting for. The book has been an eye-opener for me.
