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anyone remembered their first days with new co-sister?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by desichica, Jan 23, 2015.

  1. desichica

    desichica Silver IL'ite

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    Hi ladies.

    here is little background. my BIL is getting married in less than a month. Co-sister will be staying for couple days with us before marriage (we need her there to buy things for her) and after marriage obviously. Anyway, so far it has been only me as a dil in the home. Now, it will be me , co-sis and MIL. ( i have talked to my co-sis over texts (she is in india right now).. i thought she was a sweet/simple girl but few requests for the wedding from her mother to MIL made me wonder about her personality). I am gonna meet her for the first time (everyone else in my home have met her already except me .. BIL went to see her face to face to say yes to marriage. Later on in the year, dH and PIL had to go to india for immediate family funeral so everyone met her last year )

    I am kind of feeling little anxiety to have one more woman under one roof.

    How was your experience with your new co-sister?
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2015
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  2. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    don't excite. she may be your friend/ enemy in future. she is a equivalent to you in your home. so be friendly but don't give suggestions by feeling that you are elder & she is small. respect her as a colleague so that you will get respect back.

    i am not getting hear about what you are saying...whether about her character or her physic?

    what ever it may be, just respect her as part of tradition & do your duties as per tradition. welcome her with positive mind & but dont expect any thing according to your mind. just be silent & observe her for few months.
     
    6 people like this.
  3. pari80

    pari80 Silver IL'ite

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    I would say welcome with open heart in your home and make sure she is comfortable in new environment. You must have gone through transition from your parent's place to ilw's place and i bet there were some changes and difficulty. Same would happen to her and in those trying time you can become her best friend. Believe me if that happens you would have a younger sister/a good friend for life in ilw if you are united family.

    In my case, myself and DH played role in coverting BIL and co-sis' love story in arranged marriage and till today it has been best kept secret. i have moved to india with ilw and BIL just few months before her arrival in our united family as DIL . So we both were kind of new ,me just being little bit more familiar with FIL/MIL and operational structure of home. But myself and her knowing each other before marriage , made transition easy. for me she was younger sister and for her i was rather than Jethani a elder sister/friend. We shared everything which probably won't share with DH's (you know girl talks). That initial love and friendship has just blossomed in real relationship between us , where if we are outside very few would recognized as DILs of same family. mostly people takes us as 2 sisters .

    So just keep open heart and hopefully you would have very successful relationship with your Co-sis. Good luck.
     
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  4. gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Whoa. Co-sister topic. My favourite! :)

    I was in the same situation as you.
    Mine was a love marriage - but with no issues (caste/religion/status) etc were same. So no one really opposed to it. BIL and co-sis had a completely arranged marriage. I am a very easy going,friendly person and i have a great rapport with my BIL. I treat him like a real brother.
    MIL - no issues outside, but we have had our shared of discord - but NEVER an open confrontation. The world thinks everything is hunky dory. I still have a lot of negative feelings about her, and I am sure she does too - but we act well :)

    The initial stages - I was friendly with my co-sis. After engagement, she had the 'adarsh bahu' syndrome. I kept an open mind. I welcomed her whole heartedly. Called her frequently. She did have some questions on MIL, but I never ever ever bitched about MIL to her.
    After the marriage - she stayed with my PILs for two months as BIL was abroad. She did have her share of trouble adjusting, but she never opened up to me and I never tried to discuss all those issues with her too.
    My advice are the below:
    1) DONT compete. Do not even mentally compare how MIL treats you and parents and how she treats them. You are a strong individual and you dont need to compare yourself with her
    2) DONT bitch about any in-laws to her. It will always always lead to a tension. Dont ever bring up any issues you had adjusting with in-laws or the likes. Just listen to whatever she says. Smile and be nice
    3) Give her the benefit of the doubt. She is new, so she may take her time. She may try to overtly impress. Stand back and watch.
    4) Dont get irritated if she foot-licks your MIL for brownie points. Just be passive. If MIL tries to bait you with comparisons like 'wow, she did that', join her. Tell MIL 'what an awesome girl she is. She is the best'. Make sure that you give her gifts, make her feel comfortable.
    5) DO NOT EVER TRY TO HELP. I made a mistake and tried to help my co-sis when she had trouble telling no to MIL on certain things during pregnancy. (My co-sis is 8 months pregnant now and staying with my in-laws who make her go to the temple everyday. She doesnt want to go because she has leg pain. But she wont say no to MIL. I tried to help and it ended up frustrated. One of my good friends told me "If she is big enough to get pregnant, she is big enough to handle her problems". It opened my eyes. I just listed to her rants and dont react .) Let her learn her own lessons and things will be alright.
    All the best!
     
    7 people like this.
  5. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Is there some specific reason they have to live with you and not build their own home?
     
  6. desichica

    desichica Silver IL'ite

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    Not the physic. What kind of person she is, i meant
     
  7. desichica

    desichica Silver IL'ite

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    She will be new to the country so until she gets job and all, they will stay with us (a year or two until they settle down)
     
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  8. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Would assume that easier to adjust would be to have an own home with her hubby instead of having to live with a bunch of strangers.
     
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  9. abla

    abla Gold IL'ite

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    Sorry for being negative .But NOT a great idea !!!!
     
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  10. abla

    abla Gold IL'ite

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    What kind of requests ? If they are not very unreasonable its is very natural for her as a bride to have things her way right .
     

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