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Anyone Know Why Hes Doing This?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Jun 17, 2020.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    Hello

    I have been married for 9 years now. When we first got married my husband had no job no license no money.

    I supported him to the best of my ability as I had lots of money as I was working before marriage in the US.

    Soon after I had my first baby I quit my job to take care of it since I had no help as my parents were dealing with other issues.
    As soon as the baby turned one he starts taunting me that I have come to be a predator on him for free food and boarding. Obviously even though I had whole heartedly given him the money (whether repaid or not) I will bring up all the money I have given him and how much I supported him

    Now we will be married for 10 years in a few months. All of a sudden he gives me back all the money I have given him. He says he wants contributions for all the 10 years I have been with him

    What does this mean? Why is he giving my money back. A person who is so ill-natured who was a parasite on me and who did not even tolerate giving me food during pregnancy why he is giving me all this and what does he expect from me? He said he wants contributions for monthly expenses.
     
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  2. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    @EagerForInfo
    Nobody can understand his mind, I can make a few vague guesses. But you might have to confront him directly.
    Does he want a divorce? After 10 years of marriage and there is a divorce, either one of the spouses can claim over Social security. This is just a fact based on the 10 years of marriage.
    But I don't know why he would ask you for a contribution for the past.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2020
  3. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    What do you mean by claim over social security?
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  4. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    confronting him directly doesn't work. That is the reason I have posted here .
     
  5. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    You are not working now. Right?
    Tell him you can't contribute anything now as you dont have any income. No court will ask you to contribute when you dont have any money. Inform him that you are ready to contribute equally to the total expense if you start working, but not now. Dont give any money from your savings too.

    See what his reply is.

    "Obviously even though I had whole heartedly given him the money (whether repaid or not) I will bring up all the money I have given him and how much I supported him"

    Look like he is hurt by it and want to stop it. May be he consider it as nagging. So dont bring your past payments or help you have provided. Anyway, only he can tell you the reason.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2020
    joylokhi likes this.
  6. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You can tally up all the wages for housekeeping, cleaning, chauferring your kids around, babysitting, including overtime for the past 10 years. It costs at least $15-20 per hour even if you hire the cheapest person you can find.
    Then present him with the bill. That’s your contribution. Add time-and-a-half for having to listen to his nonsense.
     
    peet1983, EagerForInfo, iman and 5 others like this.
  7. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    To me, it is clear he expects you to start working again and contribute to the family expenses, now that your child is one year old, which stage according to him would mean he can be managed with day care etc. This is a very mean way he is going about things for sure, with absolutely no compassion. Just accept all the money you recd from him and save it and tell him plainly you are not working and hence there is no question of any monetary contribution from your side. He will then come out with what he exactly he wants! Eitherway its shameful, the way he is behaving after 10 years of marriage and kid too. Take care and update us how things go. All the best.
     
  8. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    Not a good thing on his mind. People do not change. He is planning, something not great
     
  9. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    I think he wants to repay the money you gave him, as he must have been hurt that you brought it up before. Seems silly, but he now thinks that he has to do tit for tat by asking for your contribution.. Sit down and have a discussion with him, it is unfair to expect a sahm to contribute, you are already doing your part by taking care of the kids and home.
     
    drdiva likes this.
  10. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Looks like he wants to tell that, what you gave is nothing compared to what he provided these years. He is selfish and not respecting and looking at what a wife is and what she does for family.
     
    blindpup10 likes this.

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