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Anyone Been Through This Type Of Marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nolife, Dec 2, 2022.

  1. nolife

    nolife Silver IL'ite

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    Hi All,
    I am working women and divorced . I recently got a match where guy works on 2nd shifts daily (consider his sleeping time would be 12 and coming to home time would be 11:00) and no holiday on weekends but on weekdays with both old age parents at home. I feel that I will not have any personal life with poor work life balance. This guy is constantly behind me. Ladies have you been through this kind of situations with husbands work style. Were you able to balance or is it wise to let go of this?
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Each one is different and everyone has a different situation.Some can handle the above situation and many absolutely cannot.Both are fine.

    It all boils down to what you really want.The guy can be behind you and from his perspective he could be fine but ask yourself if you can be okay with it.

    Is this job of his permanent or he could look for another position? You can communicate directly to him and ask him.He is the person you need to check with.Tell him how you feel about this and if he is willing to make a change.Both of you talk it out and explore options how to make things work.

    Who knows? He might even start looking for another job just to be with you:) things happen.

    All the best.Try and communicate before letting go.
     
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  3. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Will marrying this person improve your life in any way. You may end up taking care of his parents too. Are you ready to do that?
    If you have kids in future, are you ready to takecare of every thing like a single mom as he will not be there with this schedule. You will have to take up lot of responsibilities.

    Ask yourself what you want? You dont have to say 'yes' simply because he is after you. Its your life and choice. Try to understand his version on how this marriage will be? If you can't adjust with it, let it go. Ask yourself what are you getting out of this proposed marriage ?

    My h worked on 8 hour rotating night time schedules for a while. It was very difficult to take of two small kids, fulltime job, taking care of home like a single mom during working days. Even though I managed it well, it was very stressful and it affected my healty too. He was not there for us as he used to sleep when all of us are in home. Luckily, he got better position with day time schedules, within a year. I am not sure whether he ever realise how tough it was on me. I can't imagine adjusting with that schedule for a long time.

    So, explore and try to understand the situation well. Is there any chance for him getting a job with daytime schedule? Are you ready to adjust with it if he cannt. What does he bring to this marriage? Are you happy with that? Only you can answer what you can live with or not. Good luck
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2022
  4. drdiva

    drdiva Silver IL'ite

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    To build a relationship you need to give time to each other..But in this case there is hardly anytime he will b able to give you rather he will b with his parents whenever he will get free time ie on weekdays
    See not everyone is like that but he spending more time with his parents may create communication gaps and misunderstandings as even if your inlaws are good and wishbest for both of you there are generation gaps..
    So i would suggest it is not the best arrangement in a .marriage
     
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  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    New husband never present + older parents always present is not a promising start for the beginning of a relationship. You need time to establish yourself as a couple first. The work of maintaining the house and in-laws will also fall on you. Decide for yourself honestly if this is what you’re looking for.
     
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  6. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    As you didn't mention am/pm, I understood as 11:00 pm night he reaches home and sleeps at 12:00 am. If so he can get up 7 or 8am. Shift timings would keep changing?
     
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  7. happygolucky22

    happygolucky22 Silver IL'ite

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    I’d advise you to run. He is looking for a wife who could be the caretaker of his parents also while he does odd time job. It would be stressful for you imo. Good luck
     
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  8. nolife

    nolife Silver IL'ite

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    Dear ladies.. Thank you.. I spoke to this guy one more time and it looks like he is lying on many things.. To my suprise he is like he will leave job next year. I dont think he has inclination to change company. I left this match.
     
  9. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    I find it sad. that some men who want to remarry are still immature and looking only for a maid and not considering a life partner to grow and share life ahead.
     
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  10. WannabValerie

    WannabValerie Silver IL'ite

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    They will NEVER get or see why people are leaving them. They are oblivious to their own narcissistic nature.
    Good for you OP, well done for dodging this cannon ball.
     
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