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Any brahmin married to other caste guys and in-laws not ok..

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sweetmommy, Jun 15, 2010.

  1. sweetmommy

    sweetmommy New IL'ite

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    Thanks ladies for all your advice.Yes,after reading all your replies I feel that I am not having such a big issue here..I should stop dwelling on this.By god's grace,I have a wonderful husband and this being a temporary issue I should just go along and enjoy their time here...Thanks again !! Love you all !!:cheers
     
  2. sarma

    sarma Senior IL'ite

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    That depends on your unique situation. I know families where the hubby though of diff caste actually likes this aspect of his wife and is actually proud of the way things are at home. I know families where the entire family turned veg.

    It's actually not that unusual for the home to reflect more of the home maker's values/traditions. So look at you, your hubby and kids and don't let a MIL passing through your lives temporarily make profound changes in the way your family found it's balance.
     
  3. sarma

    sarma Senior IL'ite

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    If you 'posture' in close relationships, it could be harmful to you and you can't even complain! :rotfl
     
  4. spaceshuttle

    spaceshuttle New IL'ite

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    Hi

    I read all the messages sent by other ladies. Ritual is not important but understanding between your in-laws and you is very important. You decided you marry him with your own accord and these things are just part and puzzle of life. When you have wonderful husband this kind of trivial matters can be ignored. Lead your life as per normal and dont take these issues too personal.

    I have to tell the person with the ID Peacetree. I did not like the way you reply as I feel that you are not giving her an advice but your message sounds like you are accusing sweetmommy. There is nicer way to reply a person as in the case of sweetmommy she ask for advice and did not ask you to accuse her.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2010
  5. radhasethuraman

    radhasethuraman New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    In these days caste does not matter to have a happy married life.
    We are brahmin iyers and both my son's are married togirl's from a different caste.We all live together happily and we are able to appriciate each other's customs and rituals.we really take this as an oppertunity to know about the customs of other caste and we enjoy to celebrate the funtions of other caste.Every thing is in our mind I strictly feel caste doesnot matter at all. I am a mother in law too/
     
  6. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Being a brahmin, I always felt that the only thing that differentiates us from the rest of the communities is our food habits. If you MIL is considerate towards that (non veg thing)...you can manage the rest :) That shows she is a good person.... just that her 'my son' attitude you have to deal with...its very common..ignore it and enjoy life..

    cheers
     
  7. kuppulakshmi

    kuppulakshmi New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I'm a brahmin m-i-l and my son married an other caste gitrl. The irony is my son hates all rituals and customs in our community while my d-i-l likes to observe all rituals, festivals etc. He doesn't even want her to wear madisaar sari. She adjusts so wonderfully.I don't have any regrets that my d i l comes fr another caste.once got married she becomes a brahmin and automstically will follow the customs and traditions of her husband.
    kuppulakshmi:biglaugh
     
  8. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    :shock: :shock:
     
  9. GaythriV

    GaythriV Platinum IL'ite

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    hello,
    Apassionateone,really it was a good piece of guiding.you think marvelously & you will be a wonderful Mother to your children.God bless you
     
  10. srila1234

    srila1234 New IL'ite

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    aha! This line made me to respond, My question is: Why should a girl follow inlaws' traditions and leave her own totally? Sorry - but this sounds like 19th century where a female loses her identity upon stepping out of her own zone. This is all the more reason why orthodox parents hate intercaste marriages - as they cant see their daughter following traditions that are totally out from the blue.

    I believe there can be a blend of traditions. After all, if kids born out of inter-religious marriages can celebrate functions specific to both religions, why cant inter-caste marriages take the same route?

    Am I just preaching stuff? No. Mine is an intercaste marriage (I a tamil brahmin and DH a naidu), a and we have been constantly striving to improve our unique situation (will write about it in a separate post later), but here's some of the things we do:

    1. Veg vs. Non Veg : This is a big one in all marriages involving a brahmin or veggie. A marriage will face a lot of pressure if this problem is not dealt with on day zero. It needs compromise from one or both the parties. Being a conservative brahmin who doesnt even eat chocolates containing eggs, it was an absolute no-no for me. So my DH agreed to become a lacto ovo-veggie. I have compromised a bit too, I wash his egg pan once he is done cooking :)

    2. Religious ceremonies: I do not want to embarass DH in front of his relatives by doing anything that's too brahminical. At the same time, when I am in my circle, I do / will do all brahminical stuff such as wearing a madisar, talking in iyer accent etc. This is something that we both discussed and agreed to. When I am in his circle, I go his way: I call his BIL baava and not athimber in my style. Even with my mom-in-law, I have discussed that I will keep golu next year for navrathri but I also intend to follow her footsteps wrto the kedar gowri vratham that she does for deepavali

    Its not cakewalk, but if you love someone so much and at the same time dont want to lose your identity, its worth negotiating and trading issues. You should know to pick the right battles.

    OP- I am sorry I digressed from your post. All I can say to you is that you shd keep working on the daily stuff. As long as your husband understands you, you are good to go. With inlaws, pick your battles and ensure that your rituals are not totally forgone. Good luck!
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2010

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