Any brahmin married to other caste guys and in-laws not ok..

It is the otherway in my family. We are not orthodox, so my SIL really doesn't have any issues. Infact she tries to accomdate our lingo but we really don't stress on that. She's fine and she's fine with my brother which we give paramount importance.

 

Well certain relations and their insecurities are just beyond CASTE, SUBCASTE, RELIGION, CONTINENT, LOVE, ARRANGED etc etc........

 

Well Priya,
Not right to talk about castes, but now that you have raised this , Let me tell you, I am an Iyengar and perticularly from a family which is still very very orthodox and conservative.
6 yrs of married life now, I still have no contacts with my family for the decision that I made.
Mine is a love marrige and to a person from a totally different caste.
Since day one, I have changed everything within me, right from the way we talk ..
I have apopted do thier way including the language,and I see the difference.
As you said, Your lucky to have a DH who understands and respects your values.
My DH also does it , if not toatally, but he does do a part of it and I change a lil for his preference.
But when it comes to in-laws it is thier style that I follow.
We can't do much priya, if there has to be a harmony , then we'll have to forgo a lil.
Atleast you get to eat your taste...I don't get that also...but I am now used to everything..initailly it is tough, later you would get used to it.
I don't mean you loose out on your identity, but it is a temprorary phase of life when she is with you...So why bother much????

Love,
Kavitha.

 

lol!....

 

Guess not. In the next census they wanna know your sub caste also apparently.

 

Just some tug of war and abt paying respects. You don't need to be a turn coat or a sellout. Just compensate in a way to appease her ego in ways you feel comfortable. Some times it's all about posturing.

 

Relax!!!
You have been given good ways to tackle this. I am not in your exact situation. But, I am an iyengar married to an iyer. That too is reason enough for the communities back in Chennai to wage war against each other:rotfl.
Coming to the topic,Yes I too had initial hiccups. For example, some pujas being celebrated more in iyers and less in iyengars or vice versa. I used to get confused. Later,I decided that I will go by what my MIL does. This eased out my life a little. I am not a huge fan of rituals and festivals and rarely celebrate anything(neither here nor back in India) but the few things that I do, I make it their way. I have even picked up their language slang:thumbsup
I do realize that my situation is not as delicate to handle as yours.
In your case, I would say just let go. LEt your MIL do what she wants. You can choose your battles like food. I'm sure that's a bigger concern,isn't it?

 

Our family structure is such that customs of the husband's side of the family are followed. Does it actually make any difference in the way u pray or what rituals u follow? follow ur mil's way (till the point u r comfortable) and everybody will live peacefully.

For eg my mil and mom have a completely diff cooking style. What i have done is incorporate the best of both sides according to my convenience. Now my husband says that my cooking style resembles his mom rather than my mom! So he is happy nd i am also happy:cheers

 

hi dear , i m actuly in the same situation. though my mil dont say anythin forcefull but as she knows i will never say no to her , asks me to do whatever she wants. i have no problem doin what she wants as far as its not against my beliefs. sorry if i m being tough but u r not realy a brahmin now. so we shld follow our inlaws traditions. i know u r doin it but just dont like ur mils bossy attitude . right?? see its her insecurity nothin else, again i m sorry to say that but being from an upper cast we make them feel as we will not b willin to follow their traditions
my advice do whatever u want (as our hubbies r gud)n make them comfortable by makin the secure. it will take time , all the best
luv

 

Something that has been a big problem in my life. I have always been so "true" sometimes (in close relationship context) that I get into trouble. I need to learn "posturing" :biglaugh