Another Instance of Evil Daughter-in-law

The parents are responsible for bringing up the children. Babies/small children need both their father and mother. You can hire a nanny, in many western countries there are day care facilities. If the husband wants to support his wifes career then he take care of the baby. It is not the grandparents responsibility.

 

DK1,

Accidentally I saw your post and read it. After reading this I can tell you..you read my mind. This is exact my thought when i see some couples leaving their kid with parents in India and come here for Money. After going back they expect their kid to have same emotional touch as grand parents. I know nothing is wrong but are n't we selfish we expect our parents to take care of our kids. If they do , they are bad with some reason if they don't do they are bad. I had seen one such kind of example in my neighbor hood . DIL left for onsite when son was 6 month old and left kid with poor PILs. I had seen them how they managed to take care of 6 month old.Kid was crying whole night for mother and old grand parents were trying to make him sleep. (in between i also came USA.) Last year I went India and now that boy is 3 year old. Mother is back but still work late night. Kid is taken care by parents. One day I was talking to kids mother (we work in same company) and heard lot of complaints like her son is still not potty trained, doesn't eat properly..have not started talking, MIL is not hygienic etc (she was comparing with my daughter who is 6 month younger than her son). I really felt very bad about her in-laws...are they really did bad job..is it their responsibility or their son DIL asked parents before planning for kids..

 

I am a career oriented woman. Meaning, I studied hard, worked hard and I really give importance to my Job. Apart from the money, it gives me an intellectual satisfaction - its just not about the money - its about being part of another world where people respect me for my skills that I have acquired through my hardwork.

I have kids -7 yr old and 1 yr old. Till I was in india - my parents and PILs equally helped me out. There was a time when I had to travel abroad alone (I only had my elder DD then) - for a month.
I was in a turmoil. Because, it was a commitment that would do good for my career. My mom and H supported me - and told,'go its only for a month.We can manage.'

I went - and I was offered to extend my stay, In fact - it was an offer nobody could have refused. But I refused, because it would involve me staying without my family for a year.I did not want to miss seeing my DD grow up for a year. I knew she would not remain a child for long-and I did not want to miss a whole year.

But that does not mean that I dont work late or that I leave my kids with my parents when I have to work on saturdays and sundays. I do. I feel very very very guilty about it.But I come back and spend time with them to compensate. I try to make up for the lost time.

Now that I am in the US again -with my family - I did not want to give up on my job. I came here - I looked for a good daycare and I leave my 1 yr old son at the day care.
I sometimes feel guilty - but I do see that he is well taken care of and he plays with his friends and is happy.It has limited my 'career' time , but here in the US the work culture is so much different that it is easy to balance kids and work.

So whats my point? I dont understand why people have to leave their kids to come abroad for a long term when there are excellent day care options available. I cant understand why someone would have a mental block to leave kids at a daycare where there are trained ppl and other kids and that too only for 4 to 5 hours- but have no problems leaving kids 1000s of miles away -even if they are with your parents? and not see them for a whole year or more?'

I am not judging anyone here. I myself get judged all the time..Back in INdia, if I would sit in for late night calls or people see me working late - the first questions would be 'what about kids?' .And I can immediately see that they judge me as a bad mother,a bad wife.

And once my manager even told me 'THIS is why I dont let my wife work. When i come back from office-I want someone who will take care of me,not someone who will go for her office meetings'..And this is the manager who in his 'matrimony' profile specifically wanted an engineering graduate!To take care of him!

 

The heading of the thread should be...Another Instance of ...Evil Son and DIL....why just evil dil?

 

By definition, the son is caught in between :crazy

 

In the whole scene I feel if there's one evel its Malathi's husband who has taken her for granted all her life it used to happen in our parent's generation.

Now we don't know why the DIL went for that opportunity may be its once in a life time and after baby's birth She realised to have is more important for baby's better future ...who knows and She could obviusly do it coz of Malathi's genorosity.

Son like his father took her mom for granted coz that is the only way he knows to treat her mother.

and so Can Malathi take a stand or may be she's doing it out of love or may be being taken for granted is her way of life after marriage but this time just coz her DIL took the favor you cannot call her evil ...its too strong a word.

I feel coz son is your client you should either advice him or appreciate Malathi's gr8 sacrifice which you did in your last post, the only difference is last time it was her MIL ..this time its DIL..:hide:

 

Re: Sometimes even to live is an act of courage--

Well Said !! could not agree more.