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Annoying Friend

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by paru123, Aug 12, 2021.

  1. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    This vent is about a friend whom I knew just last year through kids. Her and my kid are in the same class and because of online classes, there were a lot to talk about school, teachers etc. Last year the phone calls were just once in three or four days or sometimes once a week.

    But this academic year, kids have a horrible teacher who is very smart ,clever and adamant. Teacher says one thing, but will do another thing leaving everyone surprised. Discussing these things her calls started to increase like after every class, she would call me and tell abt any mistake made by the teacher n discuss. Sometimes the calls go on for 30 to 45 minutes, with no meaningful discussion, just keep telling, what that one said, what this one said, more like gossip along with something related to study. Now in this 1.5 years lots of personal information were also exchanged.

    Of late I am feeling annoyed at her calls and behaviour. If her child answer a question and mine dont, during the class, she will call to ask why my child did not answer correctly. If her child makes a mistake still she will call to tell she did not understand. Now these things are irritating me. Its like she is observing each n everything with a microscope. I also mentally started unnecessary comparison abt kids.

    Also she has a good network. She calls up many parents of kids and talk to them like to me. Recently we were discussing something and one point that I had mentioned about teacher, she , immediately went and informed the teacher. Now she also has a good relation with the teacher. She takes ideas from me, which i spoke out carelessly during the half hour conversation and she calls n tell it to the teacher. The teacher thinks of it as her suggestion and idea and will tell that she will work on it., though teacher will.never implement it. Again in group discussions in WhatsApp amongst parents, she will not utter a single word and later on pass on ideas to teacher without informing anyone. In other words she takes a lead to tell the teacher about it.

    I feel now she is being very silly. So I dread receiving her calls. If i dont take her call , she will give 8 to 9 missed calls as she wants immediate attention. Her unnecessary comparisons and passing on my ideas to teacher are the main things that irritate me.

    Please advise how to deal with her. I just make a conscious effort to not to give her any ideas, but she has this great knack of askimg stupid questions and getting out information or ideas from me. How would you deal with such a friend. Once a week phone call is ok for me but not 2 to 3 lengthy calls. Since I am also used to talking to her for a year I also sometimes like to talk to her. But after the phone call I feel my energy has been drained out. Sometimes i feel she is calling me to kill her boredom. Abruptly stopping the friendship also dont look nice as she has also shared many things which I didnt knew earlier.
     
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  2. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Write notes about what’s bothering you and try to tell her politely. That way she will not bother u for silly questions and still be in touch for important necessary stuff.
     
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  3. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Finest Post Winner

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    Attend her calls only when your doing mundane tasks like folding clothes, washing dishes, chopping veggies, broom / mop floors or walking.
    In the way you focus on doing your work, listening her calls if she asks any question just say "don't know, no idea, have to think about it, good, that's nice" if she compares kids say firm "I don't like the comparison you draw with kids, each kid is unique".
    With teacher just say "teacher is guru you don't want to speak ill of guru".
    As you have mentioned she has a big network she will twist & turn information shared. Cut the ties slowly with time, keep calls 10-15 min set a timer.

    I set timer to 10 min whomever it maybe apart from best friends it saves my mental peace & time.
     
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  4. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

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    While receiving such calls ,be on high alert mode.Take few seconds pause and answer in one or two words.Dont elaborate any topic.Abruptly cut the call telling someone at the door ,or charge reduced to 1 percent or getting another call from family and so on.Just make calls short and creative from your end.
     
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  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Your problem s simple.
    Just tell the ideas to teacher directly and then inform this nettlesome caller that you had informed such and such ideas to teacher and parents of kids in the same class.
     
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  6. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your suggestions. I will implement each of them. As she has been knowing me for more than a year, she knows my schedule very well. I feel surprised and sad, that as soon as she sees me online, she will give a call. Keeping the phone on silent, saves a lot of anxiety but the curiosity remains. Talkative people are always a addiction.

    Regarding Thyagrajans sir advice on informing the teacher first handabout the ideas, I know very well that the teacher is super super busy. Each caller adds on pressure on the teacher, so I let her do her duty the way she wishes. As I said earlier, teacher says one thing and does totally opposite. Some parents have also misused the online teaching system by calling teachers frequently and asking silly doubts. I am sure that the teacher is also equally bugged up with her.
     
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