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annoying friend ..need help

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by lucky2, Jul 27, 2012.

  1. lucky2

    lucky2 Platinum IL'ite

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    hi friends..
    i dont kno why evrybody start showing their true colours after they take help from me..they take me for granted
    i got married in 2010 came to US..all my husband's freinds are bachelors so i dont have frends and my apartment is like close shell n i hardly used to come out those days and had no friends that way too...my husbands frend's fren's wife is my 1st fren here.aftr dat my college frenz moved to my place so had good time pass..i concieved very soon aftr i came to us..during my 9th month my husband's colleague got married and we invited them for dinner..she is y..she is not that good at english and she newbie to computers..she used to say all good things and she askd me to teach her internet,picasa,skype evrythng..she used to come to my place often...we used to take them to evry place we visited..my mom came in my 9th mnth.
    her visits became more often now...aftr keerthan is born..we celebrated his 3rd mnth bday inviting our frenz..she has communication problem talkin to north indian friends.she dint talk to many of them..added them in fb seeing them in my frend list...she added people whom she hardly knew..!i have one telugu fren..now she started visiting her place and talkin non sense abt me saying i have no dress sense though it's been more than year..
    i always wear chudidars and sarees.its not like that i dont like wester outfits but i never wear jeans..im used to chudidars and keep duppattta with pins...
    i like people wearing western outfits infact i select dresses for my frenz..
    i kno she talkin ill abt me..
    she invited mem and my mom for lunch and my mom washed her plate..she askd my mom dont u clean washed plate with dry cloth at ur home..i felt really embrassd..we came from her place..she stooped making calls..she often used to visit my frenz place and my fren,her mom and newborn baby used to for shopping and movies togather..
    we had a plan to visit india that month ..aftr 2 months she called me and askd me to take diapers,laptopand camera to india..i said we have enuf to carry..so we dint take them along..later we met her in india in shopping mall...ther was no such rappo..but shez pretending to be nice to me..later they moved to same apartment where we live..bfore she used to tell..your apartment has income limits ..only mexicans and dark ppl live there..we are used to archstone...i said i dont care im saving 200$..later she moved to my place and both our places r so close...we can see them..
    shez hanging out with my frenz in weekends and she calls them and make movie plans with them but she nevr asks us..wenevr they ask abt me ..she tells them that i said im not intrsted..im feeling very low..i wasnvr this way before..
    now she strted tellling in public dat i need to improve ur dressing,now she is teachng me skype and fb,i should get bettr hair cut..she calls me to cook vadas and cakes during her potluck..
    im good for cooking and sharing her pains but im not good person to hang out with..i dont care abt that...the way she is talkin to me is really bad
    she says r u ppl fighting..i hear louder voices..itz like country ppl quuarrelling for tap water..
    is grooming required after comin to US..only because she cant judge my looks bcoz i like indian wear..i know i look much bettr than her.
    ..becoz her husband cant make long drives..they want my husband to drive and for that purpose sake they askd us to come along..i strictly said no..shez telling the same to me..my husbnd is not good at driving so we askd u..!
    sometime i feel y is she behaving this way..wat the hell is making her to come to my place say all bad things abt? me..wat is so entrtaining in itshe doesnt even stop comin to my place..im sick of her..wat the hell does she think of me!
    the more im tryng to avoid her,the more is sshe troublng me...sometimes i feel like shoutng at her and say wat all i feel..im mother 15mnth old baby still i think im behaving childinsh way
    please help me out
     
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  2. dakshayaeni

    dakshayaeni Silver IL'ite

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    Listen, I feel you are quite right that your friend has started taking advantages of your social network. I simply wish to give you a suggestion...please wear an attitude when you come across her....

    Attitude of

    1. A little arrogance
    2. A little more uppish

    you know what I mean, right? have a small get together and simply ignore her to invite, if she sayd anything just say its for your closed circle...

    Lady with such kind of opportunists, one has to have a little arrogant attitude..don't care, we are with you
     
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  3. SUBHAARCHIE

    SUBHAARCHIE Gold IL'ite

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    Hi lucky,

    Just realize that maybe she's doing that because she is not confident with herself.It sounds like she is slightly immature. Just slowly start to pull yourself away from her...Also remember that you can't let people walk over yourself like that...and after-all she is not your friend...why to bother...Don't let yourself be unhappy.... Never mind...some people never change... Never allow her to use you anymore...Toughen up a bit with her and start putting her off...
    Hope it works out for you.
     
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  4. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Lucky2
    What Subah said is true that person trying to live up to your level but is failing so she is venting her frustrations by hurting you... I am too very much like you and had a woman( After what I went thru I dont want to call her as my friend) who was exact replica of your friend she used to bitch about me with maids too ignored but it was too much when she did it in a party then I asked her whats your problem? If you dont like the way I am ok dont speak because I like the way I am do I speak about you? Better dont throw stones at others glass as you too are living in the same from then onwards she stopped speaking with me and also ,isbehaving in front of me but behind me she continued but I didnt care fortunately we changed city so that is now past...

    One thing you need to take care is not to get affected by their manipulation limit your communication to bare ?Hi, hellos beyond it dont talk... The more we talk the more they try to injure and from the hurt they seem to get sadistic pleasure so deny them the pleasure they will move elsewhere..
     
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  5. crazywriter

    crazywriter Platinum IL'ite

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    Tell her in the nicest possible way that she is not welcome in your house. this friendship has run its course, better keep away from her.
     
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  6. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    I Think you just need to stand up and first of all ignore her and delete her from your list of friends. Give the same treatment of avoiding her as she does to you.

    Let me tell you, You have wonderful family and self esteem. Let others go to hell with their opinioins and bad mouthing Just pity them. It shows her character to the ones she is bad mouthing you, so just relax. be yourself. And hangout with whom you are comfortable.

    And as others said, you should not give chance to others to walk over you everytime. You need not to help / do favours for the undeserving lot.

    Forget about her and enjoy with your DH & LO.
     
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  7. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Say you are too busy to cook vadas for her, stop being so nice , no point in cribbing about it later.
    Who cares what she thinks about you?Dont give her too much importance.
    Ignore her comments and also tell the lady not to talk about you.Soon she will pick someone else to comment!
    Once you are strict she will backoff. Right now it appears that she is enjoying making you uncomfortable.
    Limit your talks with her to'Hi' and 'bye".
     
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  8. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Now, the world is full of people like you and your so called friend...you need to draw the line, and know where to set the limits or they take you and your help for granted...

    and you can enjoy life without people like them..maybe you did tell her, that before her, you were bored and to the tune..sometimes, we in need of friends, do give out more details than needed and people like the so called annoying friend, do keep note of it and use it to their advantage..

    always take your time, to really make friends, your friend is somebody you are comfortable with just being you and you know that she/he is going to be there for you in tough time..else they are mere acquaintance..

    Now set boundaries, and i feel make her realise she is your hai and bye acquaintance and nothing more..

    please, stop feeling bad about these comments, some people don't mind walking over the person who helped, if would take them a wee bit higher..

    relax and enjoy with your baby..find new hobbies, enjoy your cooking..
     
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  9. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Ignore her. She is bad news and make new friends. If u keep thinking about her or talking about her she is actually winning.
    Don't let her get the better of you. Some people are like that. You make other friends and completely cut off from her.

    There is no other solution. You cannot change her.
     
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  10. 6teenpearls

    6teenpearls Gold IL'ite

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    hey! i would like to drop in my view.

    i think few ladies do have a complex mind.

    as i too have a co-sis, who talks so filthy i cant explain.

    i am from a good background as compared to her

    she always compares things with me,( of course mine are of big standards)..

    i feel that people like this talk out of jealousy, insecurity or inferiority complex!

    i just dont take it much seriously, u dont need to open ur mouth in front of her

    coz speaking rubbish doesnt enhance our personality, but yes maintaining dignity definitely does!

    ignore her! just laugh it off on her rubbish things..

    coz u know '' dogs bark.. when elephant passes by"
     
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