1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Annoyed At New In Laws Behaviour

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Shivika992, Apr 14, 2020.

  1. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,244
    Likes Received:
    944
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Male
    If you leave your life to chance, you can't make a change.
     
  2. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,011
    Likes Received:
    2,682
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Chance , what chance ? Change and what change ? All we are asking is for is a confident secure and smart Shivika that does not fight hypothetical battles. Instead lives a productive , happy life.

     
  3. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    148
    Likes Received:
    192
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    As long as people think daughters taking care of parents in old age is senseless, people will continue to prefer male child as an asset and girl child as a liability- and all the social crimes that happen as a consequence.

    Parents should have option to live with whomever child they are comfortable with, irrespective of gender.A woman should not have to leave her own parents behind and become an outsider to parents , just to get married. She should be able to live with and take care of her parents in old age too.

    Those who find the concept weird and try to normalise patriarchal joint family as the most normal order of things
    , should be shown statistics of female foeticide, killing girl babies,low levels of girl's literacy and education and general low status of women


    My advice for OP''s may be different, but I seriously did not like the way you said "This is a typical mother of daughters speaking, and this is where...." that's why I commented.

    And also, being mother of only daughters is something to be proud of, those who are sensitive and mature , and can go against the social norm to have a compulsory male child asset.

     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2020
    yellowmango likes this.
  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    2,547
    Likes Received:
    6,977
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    @Minion you are quoting so many replies here and participating in for thread without actually giving a value to the thread.

    Can you quote a single line from your so many replies pointing a "solution" to OP which you think would be a great option for her .
    Finally what's your point I'm not understanding. How are you helping OP with her annoyance?
    By adding fuel to the fire ?

    Also guiding to be practical,guiding one to adjust to the situation is not giving "false hope".
    If OP cannot move on from the heartache she has there are bigger problems waiting around the corner for her. Don't you think?
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2020
    sbonigala likes this.
  5. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    780
    Likes Received:
    1,645
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    Whatever we suggested OP was from our experience.

    None of our replies make sense to you. Thats okay. Because none of this has to make sense to you. Our replies are for OP. I must say you have been a little bit successful in trying to add negativity to the post.

    What is your solution to OP’s problem?

    So far you gave no solution but you were super involved in pointing out people.


    How about you actually add some value to the thread instead of being so stubbornly negative?
     
  6. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    780
    Likes Received:
    1,645
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, I shared with you, what worked for me.
    So many ladies here gave you valuable advice.

    I wish you all the best.
    I stop my responses here.
    Have a happy married life Shivika. God bless.
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2020
    MalStrom, Shivika992 and joylokhi like this.
  7. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,244
    Likes Received:
    944
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Male
    Please read Post #26
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,143
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    That comment is often thrown around every time I suggest any change in status quo for the patriarchal set up .
    I wish I had the grace or the patience to respond better.
     
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,143
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Op.....
    There are a lot of good advice given by peopld here.
    Choose what you feel will help you with your set up and your expectations from life .
    People are different,set ups are different and what works for one may not work for the other.

    The good common advice is...
    1) Don't try too hard .
    Sometimes our parents also give us general gyan that may or may not work in the present times orcour situation .

    2) Get a life of your own within the set up.

    3) Build a strong relationship with husband which may or may not be dependent on your relationship with the family .

    4) One advice I would give is to make your husband your friend instead of treating him like an oversensitive demigod who needs cushioned in cotton wool and someone has to be won over by smiling through life .

    He is also responsible for your happiness . Learn to sift through what is important enough to be told to him to get maximum relief to you.
    If something bothers you too much to make your life miserable, tell him . Just learn to say it diplomatically .
    Also...remember ,little tiffs with husband are a part of life. He is your partner ...not your boss or God.

    We often hear advice here to watch and tolerate for 3- 4 years .
    Smile through it and present a happy face to the husband . Only talk good things about his family .

    Then things get out of control ( because people don't change their offensive behavior if you keep smiling at them ) and one fine day you decide to unload your unhappiness and bitterness to the husband....he does not believe what is being said about his family .
    Can you blame him?
    If you can fake it for 3-4 years how does he believe you now .


    It is better to keep it real and unload some of the problems to the husband sometimes so that you do not walk around with a load of bitterness on your chest .

    Choose which battles you need to take to the husband and whoch you can deal with your self .

    Most of your issues with mil's behavior are small ones that you can turn into more freedom for yourself . You will realise it later on in life that independence is far more valuable .

    Don't let anyone take decisions for yourself. If you need something , discuss with husband and go ahead and buy it.

    This includes big and small things .
    You need a coffee maker...or a toaster or wafflemaker ,go and buy one .
    You need a certain kind of cereal or pickle or peanut butter or whatever,just go and get it for yourself . If any one asks,just say you need it .

    Your sil's comments are something you can tell husband or if you have the confidence ...deal on your own.
    Just give her a long stare when she crosses her boundary and move away. Give her the cold treatment till she learns you are not interested in her comments.

    Best wishes op.
     
  10. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    497
    Likes Received:
    1,107
    Trophy Points:
    248
    Gender:
    Female
    I am reminded of the phrase daddys girl , I guess applies not just to girls but women as well. Most dads have a soft corner for daughters as opposed to sons.There is nothing you can do about your fils favouritism to your sil.But next time he starts gushing about her, you start talking about how your dad praised you or did something for you or vice versa.. Just a friendly reminder to them and to you as well , that you are also another dads daughter to whom you mean the world.

    And start looking for options to lead an independent life.. Irrespective of how cordial things are, leading an adult life means being independent and responsible on your own.
     

Share This Page