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Annoyed At New In Laws Behaviour

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Shivika992, Apr 14, 2020.

  1. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

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    I have never voiced any opinion in these columns ; thinking like the mother of a son. You have very well said there should be no hypocracy when it comes to daughter and DIL. The same daughter or DIL continue to have the same double standards when it comes to their parents and PILs. I understand it to be perfectly natural, as blood is thicker than water, and very few are really mature to think in neutral. Anyway, I did not like the tone of your suggestion which would only give a new bride ideas and unsettle her further. I do not wish to debate further on this, for it is finally upto OP to consider her situation.
     
  2. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    This is how life should be; spend 14 years of your best time of your life for others thinking that things will change and then give up and turn the focus on your own child and wait till the own child (son) gets married and find a new victim (DIL) and repeat the same old story about how bad things are for you when you where a DIL.
     
  3. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    That only works if its mutual, SIL feeling happy for his brother and his wife, i don't see that happening from the posters message.
     
  4. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    Give positive vibes by giving false hope.

    It is better to accept it, then hold onto false hope. Wishing and wanting doesn't change anything. It just keeps you in limbo and confused and hurt.
     
  5. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    You should read posts before commenting.
    No one is treating op badly..no one is abusing her. when why you think this way. I have mentioned very clearly that op is wasting time thinking that MIL will treat her like her daughter. It will never happen. Earlier you accept it , it will be better.

    I got very good Pils , and in laws family. I wrote it based on my experience.

    No one give her any false hope. My advice is to lower expectations. You can keep on spreading negativity. I dont want to be part of it.. bye.
    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2020
  6. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    Thats how things start read the tittle "Annoyed At New In Laws Behavior" eventually these things will turn even the silent, obedient and loving person to explode.

    "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"
     
  7. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    I can understand. Its annoying. So dont entertain all the time. Lower your expectations. You are wasting your time thinking about it. It take years to adjust with each other. Even though I have good working relation with Inlaws, I still dont feel, I am their family member. I dont want to. They are my husbands family. My family is my dh , me and kids.. All others are extended family. My MIL share things with me,they are all good. But still feel like an outsider after 14 years of marriage because my dh wont share things about their family much. It has nothing to do with PILs. So I gave up on that. I am happy for them. So focus on your family dear. I have seen how MIL make special dishes for SIL or my dh. I dont eat meat. It took time for her to understand my interests. Now If I visit them, she make special dishes for me.. my Fil buy special snacks for me due to my diet issues. They try,but its impossible for them to love me like their daughter or son.

    See the positives - good husband, job, working relationship with in laws and family.

    Sil- good that she is there so that you dont have to take responsibility of her parents.

    She is there to help so that you can spend time for you or your husband. Let MIL go for shopping with her. Send Fil also with them and spend time your dh enjoy me time.

    Only negative- you dont like her talk or frequent visit. Ignoring is the best option, when you dont give importance even if its for fun, it will be less effective.. but if you want to stop her, smile, reply like like @ sbonigala mentioned. Be who you are and reply without insulting in a diplomatic and smart way.. giving the correct response at the right time is better or express your displeasure in subtle ways. Your husband wont support you if you complain about them.it should be the last option. So define your boundary.

    Helping in kitchen-I faced same situation in the beginning. I volunteered many things. But she want to do her self. Many MILs hand over the full kitchen to DIL. Your MiL not doing that. Be grateful. I dont interfere and allow her and use that time for something else. Now she is ok and ask for help. I do stuff in I want. So be patient. Ask each time what help she want. If she dont, its fine, be in your own world.
    Your parents advice- my close friend suffered because of high expectations on PILs. She thought that PILs treat her like daughter, but never happened. It created lot of issues. So I accepted even before marriage that ils can't be parents. That detachment helped me.

    OP, be happy that you have working relationships with them. Many DILs are not lucky ( read married life or this forum for painful stories).

    I noticed your old post in Oct 2019. It's the same here .(Adjusting To Married Life With In Laws). Can you read this post as a third person, and suggest a solution. It may help you think in the correct direction and find a matured solution.

    If you are smart, convince your dh to buy another home or move away based on job. As long as you stay there, the situation will be the same. So find ways to establish your space and build your married life. Dont take small things to heart . So accept it and use your brain than heart to find a solution. Remember well that DIL is DIL and not daughter. Pils are your DHS parents and not your parents. You can't change their mindset. Try to attach to your dh and emotionally detach with inlaws and family. It will help you face the situation better. Anyway its life, your choice.

    Why dont you take a break and visit your parents. I stop here.
    Wish you happiness
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2020
  8. Mistt

    Mistt IL Hall of Fame

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    Minion ji, why so much negativity? I had read your negative comments in other thread, too. If possible try to give positive advice instead of filling OP's mind with jealous and negativity towards her in-laws/Sis.

    I too feel same as you @DDream.
     
  9. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    Looks like false hope is the new hope for life.

    “Life is hard if you are stupid it will be harder”
     
  10. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Well I would rather be oblivious and happy than have a mind full of negativity for situations that are hypothetical.
    To assume that OP’s in-laws will love her kids less because it happened to her cousin?
    Shivika, you don’t have to be your MIL’s BFF. Do you get that? Stop trying and be your own secure person that can coexist cordially.
    Enjoy the attention you get from your parents and stop looking for it from your in-laws. You are looking for problems when they don’t exist.




     
    sbonigala, Mistt and Anusha2917 like this.

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