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Anniversary Dilemma's And Superstitions

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Desimommy, Nov 21, 2018.

  1. Desimommy

    Desimommy Bronze IL'ite

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    Its my IL's anniversary. Me along with my kids now in elementary and have been preparing for a surprise for almost a month. My daughter pulled in an eggless recipe so she can prepare a cake for her dadu and dadi and since it is coming on a holiday they have prepared for a birthday at sharp 12 AM. Yesterday my DH told me not to bring or bake care or do any celebrations as they are superstitious of doing any celebrations.

    To give you context, my IL's for the whole day are watching YouTube videos/ fwded pics/quotations and videos of all sort of 'sant-mahatama's' and whatever is been said by them they follow it blindly. Sometimes I get frustrated as both have phones and the are constantly on watching 80-90% of the time. They probably heard one of them say that celebrating birthday's or anniversaries have adverse effect on the relationship if its your anniversary or your life span. One should not blow candles or use knife on your birthdays as an example.

    MY DH asked me not to celebrate their anniversary and we can simply go for dinner. I for one am heartbroken myself on how to break this news to my kids. I feel my -vity will follow up in my message cause I don't believe in such dumb superstitions myself. Imagine what my kids will go through when I share this news to them. They have been prepping up for such a long time. I am sure they will ask for a rational. Which I am reluctant to share as it doesn't even make sense to me! Help!
     
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  2. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    So did u celebrate their birthday or anniversary before and they celebrated it?. And did they have the same answer?.
     
  3. Desimommy

    Desimommy Bronze IL'ite

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    No, we have been celebrating all milestones without much fuss in the past in person and virtually. Albeit I have been sending cakes to India on their anniversaries and they have appreciated it. Its a new thing they have discovered following one of the mahatama who believes celebrations are a thing of the west. And it is causing adverse effect on their lifespan and relationships. Example blowing candles is considered =ve. Cutting of cake is -ve. There is -vity around all these celebrations rather than +ve. They want to indulge in prayers now.
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    If they don't stop you or your children from celebrating, leave them to their beliefs and superstitions. If they are able to use phones to entertain and amuse themselves, it is good.

    Did your husband know you and kids are planning the surprise and celebration?

    Celebrations are about the birthday person or anniversary couple. Let's say the person is the quiet kind and does not like celebrating with party, cake, guests, gifts. Obviously the person's preferences have to be honored. Your kids will be fine. Use it as a teaching moment. Tell them that grandparents do not want a party, cake, surprise. Use it as an opportunity to talk about people and their beliefs. There are beliefs in all religions and cultures. It is thanksgiving time in the U.S. The president pardoned a turkey. : ) Then, it will be Santa time.

    Teach kids to respect other people's right to have their own beliefs and superstitions. Tell them that as people grow older, they are set in their ways or might start believing in new things. Contemplating one's own mortality can make one lean more towards prayer.

    Ask husband or others what kids can do for grandparents. A drawing or a short story by grandchild will melt their heart as much as a cake made after much effort.

    Your children will react to the cancellation based on how you react. Things don't always go as planned. A good lesson to learn.
     
  5. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    I agree with @Rihana .. if they do not tell u to stop then it’s fine .. u are simply taking it to your heart..I celebrated my inlaws birthday anniversaries when’s visited and sent them cakes n flowers but never ever got appreciated n on top they sometimes have not wished or just messaged late . So they appreciated u for what u have done so be happy n let them enjoy now in what they believe..
     
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  6. blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    It's your IL anniversary and you will have to respect their beliefs however ridiculous it is. Communicate gently with children, I feel it's really okay if the kids are disappointed. Ask them to still bake the cake and you have it as family(you, hubby ,kids). Think of what else kids can gift their grandparents may be they can help you in cooking something nice for them or help you in choosing a gift.
     
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  7. Desimommy

    Desimommy Bronze IL'ite

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    Good to hear your thoughts and opinion. I let kids bake the eggless cake and asked them to call it the 'thanksgiving cake' instead. I let the kids cut the cake and had a thanksgiving blast as a back up scenario. Kids questioned and I shared that it's a belief they follow. I know in the end it is about respecting them and their belief's, especially since its their day. However I can't help but think about how sometimes these beliefs changes with every video they watch and effect us and impact our family. Forget about their birthday's or anniversaries. I am talking in general. If someone will suggests something is not a good omen, they will start following it and will ask us and kids to follow it too. Simply gets too much sometimes.
     
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  8. divyarnair

    divyarnair Silver IL'ite

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    May be kids can bake muffins instead of cake so that they don’t have to cut it .
     
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  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Your plan seems perfect. It is very important to teach our kids to respect other's opinion, how irrational it may seem.
    It is their day, and their preferences should matter the most.
    Kids can continue with their plan, as you suggested for something else. Its wise idea to convert the celebration to thanksgiving.

    There are people who get carried away with thoughts and reasoning so easily. It just, your PILs happened to be one of them. Their videos or smart phones are not really the culprit, but their thought process is.
     

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