Yesterday morning, I was extremely angry while cleaning up all the diyas. In the evening, when I was about to light up the diyas, I found one diya was missing. I tried to recollect where I kept one diya but I couldn't remember . That was crazy realization since in general I have great memory power. I scanned whole kitchen and I couldn't find the diya . By 8pm I had no energy so I just went to light the rest of diyas and finish my prayer. I realized how being angry made me feel and all the things I said during that time. It made me realize how a single emotion has power to destroy every good thing I had. . Around 9pm I wanted to drink hot milk since I spent 2 hours searching for diya and I was exhausted. I opened the fridge to take the milk container and there the diya is sitting behind the milk can. In the morning when I was angry I might have misplaced the diya inside the fridge along with the milk. I know we all do things at the heat of moment but for me it was a self realization moment that how I need to control my anger and not spill words without filter. As I'm getting older, I do feel my patience has decreased. I know lot of things are weighing down on me. I feel like my career options are hurting me and I feel down most of the time thinking how I keep missing opportunities. But I don't think people around me should suffer because of my life choices. I'm looking for suggestions to control my anger. In 2025 I definitely want to become a better person.
Dear @mangaii, First off, I believe that the self-awareness you have is the first step. I get snappy sometimes, and usually, I know when I am irritated, and sometimes it is for no reason at all. Usually, telling myself out loud that I am irritated has made me aware of the moment. I use that awareness to do something. For me, when I am angry, doing physical work has helped, and I find myself arranging papers (in the classroom), correcting work for a few minutes, or doing household chores at home. I have noticed that physical activity helps me. While I would say take a deep breath, meditate, etc, I think it is important to know what helps you calm down and do that. That said, having a daily habit - meditation, prayer, or sitting quietly at the same time and in the same place, will certainly help you have better days. I am also a big believer in chanting shlokas. That has helped me many a time. While awareness of anger or noticing the moment when it is setting in is important, I think the reverse also works - having calming daily habits will reduce those moments of anger.
If you have not done so recently then make sure to get a full medical exam. Blood pressure, high sugar etc can cause issues.
@mangaii, Your thread is extremely self-reflecting and as described by Sabitha, the first step is to recognize the issue and the second is to understand the root cause of the issue. I believe you may have a lot of stress not necessarily because of what you are experiencing now but the pent up emotions of past happenings. Identify those memories remaining in your subconscious mind, and work towards comforting them. It can be done in two ways, a) forgiving the people involved (it is a difficult task but one has to remember this is only to put up a fire in us that is affecting us more than the person who caused it) and forget those memories systematically by recognizing that it is affecting your present moment and b) Fill your subconscious memories with much more exciting present happenings and this works like drawing a bigger line to make the earlier line smaller. None of us are completely a saint when we talk about irritation and anger issues and to a certain extent, we learn to live with it. However, don't be hard on you thinking about how it affects people around you. That will affect your self-esteem. Those who love you dearly will understand it and will observe you are making every effort to overcome this issue. I wish you very best.
Anger is an emotion in response to certain thoughts. Yes, it is a pent up emotion that had its source in some incident happened earlier. First we need to understand that though others or other things might be the cause for the anger, it is we who has to bear the brunt of that physically and emotionally. According to a Journal of the American Heart Association, a study in how emotions affect the heart blood vessels revealed that brief episodes of anger impaired blood vessel functioning, which can be linked to an increased risk of heart disease and stroke. Krishna says, "Anger leads to clouding of judgment, which results in bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered, the intellect gets destroyed; and when the intellect is destroyed, one is ruined."-Bhagavat Gita- 2.63. While it is not possible to control an emotion which is natural, we can try to control our thought process, avoiding negative ones consciously. Practising self awareness, regular meditation on any ishta devata for half hour , will help to hold the mind in rein in due course of time. Also checking the body for blood pressure, sugar and taking action upon it. It is really good that you are able to identify your feelings and striving to take remedial measures. This itself is half the length of the road crossed. Good luck.
omg! same here, I was so angry my kids were watching too much screen and hid the ipad somewhere. Now I've been searching for it for so long, not able to find it anywhere
@MalStrom I got my blood work done today and see I'm anemic and vit D is also low. Explains all the tiredness. @Srama Thanks for your suggestion. Due to weather condition, I get lazy in the evening and not working out at all. I do agree being active really helps. @Viswamitra Sir thanks for your tips. I do think I'm stressed because of work situations. I hope 2025 is better. @kaluputti Thanks for the tips. Prayer time is the only time my mind stays calm. But once prayer is done I become Kaali @Divyasaravanan I don't have even young kids I understand your frustration
Goals like "control my anger" or "become a better person" are good starting points, use them to identify specific actions you can take to address the two things that seem to cause it —impatience with people and events, and frustration with your career. For impatience with people and events: Set a simple, consistent practice. For example, set an alarm to check in with yourself 3 times a day. In that 1-minute pause, remind yourself of your intention to be more patient. Don't wait for stressful times, make this a regular habit. During this minute, you could also check an app with positive quotes or fill it with ones that speak to you personally. Small, frequent reminders can make a big difference. I found 9am, noon, and 3 pm good times for the reminder and self check-in. Weekends included. : ) For frustration with career: The key here is to be kinder to yourself, you need to view passing time and squandered opportunities with more equanimity, you need to bounce back quicker from the inevitable bouts of self-flagellation. I’ve been in a similar place - impatient with people who didn't seem to use the brain God gave us all, and frustrated with where I was in life and my parenting performance. : ) What helped me was discovering a CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) course, which I since revisit every 1-1.5 years. It’s been invaluable for recognizing cognitive distortions like catastrophizing, discounting the positive, and overusing "should" statements. Link to the CBT course: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Self-Help Video Course Link to the most useful video in the course: Cognitive Distortions in CBT I have found turning broad "feel-good" warm and fuzzy goals into specific actions helps deal with impatience and frustration more effectively.
Thanks @Rihana I'm considering going back to my therapist at least to vent since people around me are either unable to understand or use that as a tool against me. I do see your point about having a actionable plan. I have a plan but problem is sometimes things become too much. Then I go to this dark place and then things starts going down. I was doing so well till summer and now I feel nothing is working out for me.