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And the Oscar goes to.... my MiL!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by daisymom, Jul 19, 2010.

  1. daisymom

    daisymom Senior IL'ite

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    As some of u might know, I had a love marriage, that too inter caste. It has been 4+ years since we got married and right now, we are expecting our first child (due in Oct).

    My side of family love DH and are very happy with my choice. my IL side, my BiLs/SiL are OK with our marriage but rest of the extended family hates the fact that DH married a girl of different cast.


    So, about my MiL. I just wanted to share this with u girls as I think my MiL is Indian hope of an Oscar one day. :crazy


    She pretends to fall sick/have acute pain every time there is some occasion in my IL side. or if someone else is unwell. She goes to (make her sons – my DH and BiL take her to) ER if she has cold. Not the fault of DH or BiL though. we wud do the same if our mothers pretend to have a fainting spell after a having sore throat . :rant

    Last 1 month or so, she has made my BiL (DH is the youngest of 3 sons. my eldest BiL stays back in the hometown) spend 30K rs for a pain that she claims she has in her hand. every imaginable test was done. my BiL lives around 20 Kms away from us. :hide:


    Now she is unhappy with the doctors there so she keeps coming to our place to see better doctors (we live near a huge hospital)
    from a GP to a Physio. From an Ortho specialist to a Neuro expert have seen her. she continues to make her sons take her to more doctors. every doctor says that they cant find any thing wrong with her. one even hinted that her pains are all fake.

    Now me and DH live in a small flat. a 1 BHK. my mom is with me for my last trimester. she sleeps in the drawing/living room on the only spare bed we have.

    MiL is making repeated trips to our place and then stays for 3-4 days. She sleeps on the bed ALL THE TIME. I mean, just getting up for potty etc. my mom does all the household work with me. MiL even had the guts to ask mum to oil her stinking hair!!! :rant (added) not being disrespectful girls... she is v low on personal hygiene. i think she shampoos once a month - not joking. my mother has asthama and she is as old as MiL. i dont get the logic of MiL asking mum to do such things for her. just bcz mum is a girls mother?



    when DH goes to work, she never complains of pain! when he is back in the night, she wud sit with one hand holding the other, as if the other hand is gonna fall!! :biglaugh



    whenever we are in the living room (u cant stay in the bedroom all the time!!!) , I have to sit on the floor!!! and I m almost 8 months pregnant, with severe back problems!!. :drowning


    MiL would never ask me to sit on the bed (our home is too small for us to buy any sofa etc). She never talks about the baby or about me. even when we go to the gyn for routine checkup or when I go for Sono, she never even bothers to ask what the doctor says!



    in the night, my mom has to sleep on the floor, on a spare thin mattress!!! :rant

    DH sent MiL by giving BiL subtle hints that its difficult to manage here. yesterday we had my god bharai. MiL didn’t even talk about it. There is no ritual for Godbharai in my side of family (we are north Indian Brahmins) but I still wanted to do it as I want to continue my IL side of tradition so that our baby doesn’t feel alienated.



    MiL came with BiL and SiL almost at mid-day and then started her drama again.


    btw,I forgot to mention, she sleeps till 8 am – waked up for bath/ breakfast – sleeps till 1:30 – wakes up for lunch – watches daily soaps till 4 pm – sleeps – wakes up at 5 for tea – sleeps till 8 – wakes up for daily soaps – has dinner at 9 (before DH comes home) – watched TV – sleeps at 10 ish.

    and ... and ... and... she complains that she has insomnia!!!! :biglaugh

    :D
    Howzzzat! :crazy

    will share more of her antics later, if u girls are interested ;)
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2010
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  2. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    Before you can address the relationship issues with your MIL (not sure if you even want to address them), you can first start by being a bit more respectful.
     
  3. Umlaut

    Umlaut Silver IL'ite

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    Congrats on your pregnancy!

    Not only does she seem to be extremely childish but also deeply insecure. Since you are pregnant now and getting more attention she is doing all these drama to draw attention towards herself. Compare that to how two very small siblings behave sometimes. If one child gets sicks and is getting the parent's attention, then the other child sulks and then goes and does something that draws the attention of the parents.

    Don't worry once the little baby is born then you can let her play with him/her. It will keep her happy and occupied and she will forget her imagined aches.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2010
  4. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I agree with Umlaut. These are all mostly attention seeking tactics. My MIL has some similar characters, so I know. Once all the children are married, basically insecure people, will get more insecure, and health is one way of keeping attention back on themselves. I would suggest ignore her as you would ignore a child's tantrums.

    Once the baby is born, she may come out of her self centredness. When otherwise she is not harming you in anyway, ignoring them is best.
     
  5. daisymom

    daisymom Senior IL'ite

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    not being disrespectful ... she is v low on personal hygiene. i think she shampoos once a month - not joking. my mother has asthama and she is as old as MiL. i dont get the logic of MiL asking mum to do such things for her. just bcz mum is a girls mother?

    i never talk back to her and i never crib to DH about her. but knowing that she makes her sons spend all that very hard earned money (we are middle class ppl), even if its my BiLs money and to see that she never worries about anyone, even her sons or her grandkids or the one that i m carrying - kind of takes away any good feeling i would have for her.


    i m trying to be light hearted and joking about her behavior bcz of the fact that she is the mother of DH. otherwise, her behavior is very hurtful. this is my first and last child. to see that the would be grandma does not have any feelings towards the baby is v painful for me as a wife and as a pregnant woman. i m literally in pain when she visits cz i have to sit on the floor and get up everytime she needs something to eat or drink.
     
  6. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    daisymom

    It's only for a couple of months right? Can you ask your husband to sleep on the spare thin mattress so that you and your mom can sleep in the bedroom?

    That way, you, mom and MIL are comfortable!
     
  7. daisymom

    daisymom Senior IL'ite

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    thnx for understanding dear...


    first two years of marriage, i tried to make her feel secure. i always told DH to sit with her and talk to her whenever she stayed with us/we visited - buy her whatever she wants (we were not comfy, money-wise back then - i didnt work post marriage a IL side is v conservative. i didnt want to put DH in a spot). i still never try to come between DH and MiL.

    i think MiL hates me bcz DH cares for me, a lot. he took care of me first trimester when i had severe MS and low BP.

    there are 4 grandkids already in the IL side (two BiL have 2 kids each) but she is not much attached to them either.

    i m trying v hard to learn the rituals and culture of my DH side of family so that i can let the baby be in touch with that side... MiL never tells me anything even when i keep asking for the rituals or the recipes made in their area. i had to search all over the internet.

    i will never stop the baby from talking to her or anything like that.... but i dont have high hopes that she will be interested in the child. if its a girl then she will surely not be interested.
     
  8. daisymom

    daisymom Senior IL'ite

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    :)

    mom will never agree to it.

    its not exactly about the physical discomfort. if MiL really had some medical problem, i would happy do anything to make her comfortable, even if i m in last trimester ... but to put everyone (including my BiL/SiL) in trouble bcz of her insecurity and antics... i just feel its v unfair...
     
  9. daisymom

    daisymom Senior IL'ite

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    lets hope so dear....

    but she is not attached to other grandkids either - so i dont have much hope.

    and yeah, ignoring her antics is what i do :) ... i m sharing here just bcz i have some listeners, ppl i think will understand my PoV without the issue escalating
     
  10. Visu2k

    Visu2k Gold IL'ite

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    Rather than letting your mother sleep on a thin mattress, you can buy one fold-able bed for your mother - that one which is made of steel pipes and nylon ribbons woven into a mesh. It is not good that a person with asthma has to sleep on a thin mattress laid on cold floor. It can affect her health. Keep your mother comfortable by providing her a proper bed and warm blankets - that is the least you and your DH can do for her for all the help she is rendering for you both, not to mention that she brought you up!
     

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