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An open letter from a mother to her cherished son-1

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by mithila kannan, Jan 23, 2011.

  1. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    My dear, dear sundar,
    I am all excited my son, that you will be visiting us shortly.This is not your usual visit when you come here for a week or ten days from Delhi,stay with us and then fly away making our home lustreless in your absence.You will be arriving here as a bachelor and will be leaving for Delhi after a month as a new bridegroom with your beautiful wife.Well,Iam waiting to see that day when your father and I will be bidding you ‘bye’ with our hearts full of blessings and praying for your welfare and happiness.
    My dear sundar,I have written to you so many letters from the time you joined a hostel as a sixth grade student and lived in the school hostel for a couple of years.At that time I used to write to you very often,I was always anxious about your health,whether you were eating properly,whether you were home sick,whether you were doing well in your studies.My letters must have carried my anxieties to you,sine you went out of the way to comfort me with your soothing words.
    Now as Iam writing to you Iam a bundle of emotions.Iam anxious that your marriage should go of well,your married life should start on an auspicious note and both you and your wife should lead a wonderful life together,for ever and for ever.
    Sundar,as Iam writing this letter, thoughts are coming to me likes waves in a sea,one after another.I want to share all those thoughts with you.Once you come here I will not be able to spend a leisurely time with you.Your father,your sister and other relatives, not to forget your friends will compete with me for your attention.I will also forget half the things that I want to tell you.Hence this letter so that You will be able to read my mind at leisure.
    My dear sundar,Iam taking the pains to go to this length my son,because Iam not interested inyour welfare alone .Iam also interested,infact Iam more interested in the welfare and happiness of the young woman who will be entering our home as your bride.
    Some thirty years back I entered my in law’s home as your father’s wife.What were my dreams as a new bride about the life that I was gong to lead?What were my expectations from my husband?Did my dreams come true,were my expectations fulfilled? My answer to those questions are ‘yes’ and ‘no’.Your father and I have led a happy life.Your father has been a softspoken and genuine person,he has given me all the comforts and the many luxuries that has made life great for me.But there are sad patches in my heart and the one question that often arises in me is “If only he had allowed me..”,”If only he had understood my feelings”.Your father also must be having similar thoughts,may be I also did not understand him fully.
    Sundar,all that I want to tell you is that both the husband and the wife should realise that they have to stand by each other through out their respective challenges in life.Financial support alone is not enough for one partner from the other.A kind word and strong shoulders to lean on, more than make up for the lack of monetary support.
    My dear son,When your father and I were discussing the many proposals that had come for you from many girls’ side,I remember asking you,”Sundar,what kind of girl you have in your mind as your life partner?Is there anything particular that you are looking for in your would be wife?”,you said,”Amma,I want the girl to be good looking,well educated and more than anything else I want her to love both of you and give you the care that only a daughter can give.I want her to be a daughter to you.That is very important for me.”While you had become emotional,your father and I were very touched by your words.But I also had a question in my heart. While Your first two conditions that the girl has to be good looking and well educated were totally acceptable to us both,I kept thinking about your last condition that the girl has to be a daughter to us and give us the love that only a daughter can give.I wanted to ask you,”My wonderful son,while you want your wife to be this and that to your parents,have you understood what role you are going to play in the life of your parents in law”?The girl also has her expectations from her would be husband.While our customs,our traditions and our society that hails a man as hero for wanting his wife to take care of his parents, may scoff at her if she opens her heart and says,”I want my husband to be a son to my parents”,yet that is what she wants and yearns for.I know that for sure.How?Please read on.
    I was the eldest daughter to my parents,my younger sister Kamala being the youngest.They had no sons.I used to run around a lot, paying the electricity bills,telephone bills,maintaining the family budget etc and to this extent my father’s responsibilities were reduced.I got married and came away.A couple of months later ,my father fell ill and was admitted in the hospital.Your father and I went to Tanjore to see him.My mother was in the hospital wih my father who was recovering slowly.My sister was running around taking instructions from the doctors,getting the medicines,doing the night shifts in the hospital room.I took over from her.Your father left after a day or two telling me that I should return home in a couple of days.I said,’yes’,but could not leave for my home as I had told your father, since my mother requested me to be with them at the time my father was discharged.So I stayed back for one more week with my parents,saw to it that everything was ok and then returned home,not knowing that some severe punishment awaited me.
    Your father never acknowledged my coming home.He stopped talking to me ,never allowed me to serve him food and in the nights he entered his room and shut himself in.My mother in law did not allow me inside the kitchen.She said, “It is ok,Raji.All these days I only cooked and cleaned,no?I can continue to do that.”She forced me to sit and served me food which was like poison to me.My younger sister in law was instructed not to talk to me.Life became hell for me.This punishment continued for a month or so ,then slowly things became normal at home.Well,my son,I was forced to learn a lesson.
    My younger sister got married.I went wih my husband just a day before the wedding and returned with him a day after the wedding.While your father was happy that I had toed his line,my mother in law welcomed me with a smug smile on her face.
    Years passed by.My parents passed away one after the other.As always I went with my husband spent time in my house and returned with my husband.Your father told me many times,”Raji,stay here for some more time and take care of your sister and her kids if you want.There is no need for you to hurry back home.”But I said, “Never mind”and returned with him.He understood my thoughts my feelings,a flashback must have happened in his mind,for he mumbled,”Iam sorry”and I felt better.My intention is not to put down your father or stand in judgement on him.I wanted you to look at me not only as your mother but also as a woman .
    My dear sundar,be a good son to your parents in law.Take care of them,support them physically,financially and emotionallyThey should know that you are and you will be there for them to care for them, now and in the years to come.Give them that sense of security .Your wife should not only love you ,she should also have tremendous respect for you.
    One mpore thing my son.Your wife should have the freedom to spend for her parents and her siblings just as you have that freedom,whether she is a working woman or a full time housewife.Iam not saying that she should splurge money irrespective of your earnings and your family budget.But she should know that she need not think many times and take your permission before she buys a present for her parents.Give her that freedom ,watch the beautiful smile on her face and take pleasure in watching that.Then only you will be a MAN in the truest sense of the word.
    My dear son,all the hurts and humiliations that I suffered in the past as a new bride and the scars that lay dormant in my heart will be wiped away for good and I will be a truly happy woman,only when my daughter in law will enter this house as our daughter and be a queen in this house.
    Sundar my son,my letters will continue.Please do take time to read them carefully,at your leisure and reply me as soon as possible.
    Take care .
    With love and blessings
    Amma
     
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  2. Milinda

    Milinda New IL'ite

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    A very nice and lovely letter.The messege given is really touching and every mother of a young son should pass on to him because now most of the couples have only one child and its the child's duty to take care of their in-laws also whether it be a son or daughter.
     
  3. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Mithila, I am crying right now reading your letter. very emotional letter. This should be done by every would be mother in laws. I have told most of the above things ot my sons, but never put them on the paper. In western countries, during the reception, family will say few words about the bride and groom. Some of them form their grand parents and parents. I wish they read your letter, so that everyone can young and old understand the responsibilities, duties, love and respect for each other.
    Fantastic Blog!!!!! God Bless you!!!!!
     
  4. sojourner

    sojourner Silver IL'ite

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    > In western countries, during the reception, family will say few words about the bride and groom.

    When Bill Gates was about to marry Melinda, Bill's mom Mary wrote a letter to Melinda reminding her of the tremendous responsibility she and Bill have with their tremendous wealth. To their credit, they are giving most of it away -- their children are getting only a few hundred million each [:)]
     
  5. raji2678

    raji2678 Gold IL'ite

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    A very touching post. Aunty
     
  6. iswaryadevi

    iswaryadevi Platinum IL'ite

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    Very touching blog aunty. Hope every mother passes on this message to her son...
     
  7. sublakshmi

    sublakshmi Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Mithila,

    Fantastic letter from a mother to her son. I just want to pass this message to my son when he grows. These were my true situations as u had decribed in yr letter. Really it is very difficult to convince parents in law when daughter in law has to help her parents. Particularly when a young man gets married to girl where no boys are there they should be just like what u had written. I am writing this with tears in my eyes. Wonderful !!!!!!!


    Great day to u.
     
  8. kelly1966

    kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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    Mithila.. like a few others.. got tears in my eyes...
    this letter is so APT.. I'm going to keep them in a special folder in my comp so that I can pass them on to my son when time comes... no I will not wait for his marriage but maybe give it to him when he turns 18.. so that he realises and appreciates his girl friends!!!
    K
     
  9. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    My dear Milinda,
    Thank you for that lovely fb.You have made my day with your kind words.
    love
    mithila
     
  10. mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

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    My dear,dear CL,
    Thank you for that fb.Iam happy that you liked this letter.When the parents set right example to their children certain values get instilled in them and it becomes second nature for them to be kind,caring and sensitive to others' needs and feelings.
    love
    mithila
     

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