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AN incident that bother me always !

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by deepideepi, Jan 10, 2015.

  1. deepideepi

    deepideepi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi there,

    This is an incident long back ago around 2.5 years back. Whenever i think about this incident it really bother me. So i wanted to ask u people that am i really overreacting or my PIL became very partial to me that i m a daughter of other..

    I was pregnant then about 8 month. My PIL along with younger SIL, SIL's husband and a 9 month old child(Bratty and yelling all the time) came to our place for taking care of me(I thought):cry: .Me stupid was so happy that my PIL will come to my place and will pamper me like my parents. But no she was all after her daughter and son of her daughter. My other 2 elder SIL were also living nearby our place and use to visit everyday to their parents. Everyday i was doing big part of household work in their presence(except carrying heavy thing) although my due date was coming nearer. I use to feel so tired. They use to help me by side but very little works..
    My parents are in abroad. I never complain about anything to them so they thought i m ok. I didn't say anything about my tiredness and all as i was new. Just after 4 months of our marriage i got pregnant and i didn't get time to know them because they live in different state. I thought that my MIL never do partiality. She always supports right thing because i've seen her taking right decision whenever her children had fight but i was wrong i m not her child i m a daughter of other. She is just like other MIL who support her own child although they are wrong.

    and one day suddenly everybody planned that on the 1st of the coming month all of we go to nearby hill station which was 15 16 KM away from our place because my younger SIL's husband was new to our place. my due date was on 28th of same month.

    Everything were decided vehicle was also booked coz we were so many people total 12 13. Now on the day of outing my lower stomach started paining. One time it was paining so high and one time it was not at all. As it was my first pregnancy i was not sure what was happening and my due date was also on 28th.

    early in the morning the vehicle they booked also arrived to pick up, all the stuffs were packed, everybody was getting ready including me. i told that my tummy is paining a bit but no one got that serious. I told them that i will stay in home u people go for outing. Everybody was ok with that but my husband said no i will stay with u. My husband is darling of everyone if he will not go nobody will go. My MIL said i'll do oil massage on ur tummy u will be ok then all of we will go. She put oil on my tummy and did massage. From background my elder SIL was saying let bring her(me) also to outing if something happens on road then we will take her to hospital from there only. My FIl was saying jo hoga dekha jayega just put her in vehicle.

    Nobody was ready to cancel the trip as they have already paid to the vehicle. They wanted to go any how. I looked at my husband and he looked at me. however i felt little relief. All the people were already into the van waiting for us. Me MIL n husband were on they way to van and suddenly a big leaf of coconut tree fall right in front of me as it was saying not to go...

    i sat inside van on my seat with my husband. we were on the way suddenly my paining started again. Now i decided that i will not go further and will go to hospital coz pain was so high. I told everybody. we get down from the van me n my husband. Nobody said that i will go with u or we will drop or nothing.

    place where we were left was kind of highway. we ask lift to so many people but nobody stopped for us. we walk about half km and we found one auto and head to hospital. i was having so much pain. my husband was so nervous and inexperienced but i was happy that he was with me. we reached hospital, it was 9 o clock in the morning. Doctor checked my nerve. I ask him m i going to deliver a baby today??? he said yes. i was sent to the labor room and at 12:30 i delivered a beautiful daughter. Outside the labor room my husband was so nervous what to do how to do. doctors we constantly asking for so many stuff it was difficult to manage all alone. They we still sight seeing so called family member. who were not with us in our hard time.
     
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  2. confusedwoman

    confusedwoman Silver IL'ite

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    Re: Am i overreacting???

    No you are not over reacting, good you learnt the real nature of your in laws pretty soon. My MIL is the same, she brought her two sisters and their sons along with my BIL a total of 10 members to stay in my house when my husband was posted away during my 7-9 months pregnancy. Except she even made me shop and take them on trips ( only I drive among the women and the sisters sons) with full time work almost everyday.
    It is every person for themselves like in the jungle. From now be polite but keep in mind every person has to take care of themselves first because for others they are their own priority.
     
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  3. Weasly

    Weasly Gold IL'ite

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    No you are not over reacting ! Its very wrong of them! what they did..leaving you and your husband on the highway !! They came saying they are here to take care of your during pregnancy....very good care they took....have you to do all household duties while sils visited and had the time of their life! Its like vacation time for them !

    By now I have learned that inlaws come to the son's house saying they will take care in pregnancy...basically its a reason they give to come and wreak havoc and vacation at the cost of dil !!
     
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  4. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Your in laws are the limit! What they did is very wrong. They should have dropped you off to the hospital. Why did you get off the vehicle? You and your husband should have insisted on this. Why couldn't they cancel their trip? Why not at least drop you to a hospital, and then continue their trip. Your MIL should have been there in the hospital, if not for you, at least her son and grand child's sake. Have you talked to her about this later?

    Btw, is there any reason this is coming into your mind now? Are they coming to visit? If they are, do the minimum possible. No need to look after them when they are so selfish. If they say some thing, mention this incident. Remind them how they took 'care' of you when you needed it.
     
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  5. deepideepi

    deepideepi Silver IL'ite

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    after 1 or 2 month of my delivery they again planned for vacation to one mandir. they again took me there with my tiny little girl. All my stuff for my baby were not allowed to take inside mandir(diaper and all). So many rush was there in mandir. I was not able to breastfeed my baby as there was so many people around. Hot weather, congested place. My lil gal was screaming and crying of hunger and thrust. Nobody was bothering and waiting for me so that i can sit n feed my baby. I however fed her whenever i got chance but that was not enough for her she was still screaming. My MIL fed her half glass of water from a tap of that mandir. I was worried if she gets any infection but thankfully she didn't...
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Just two months after being left high and dry on the road, and having to take an autorickshaw to hospital to delivery the baby, you and husband went on vacation to one mandir with your weeks old baby? As the saying goes:

    Fool me once, shame on you.
    Fool me twice, shame on me.
     
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  7. deepideepi

    deepideepi Silver IL'ite

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    Yes they are coming next month. Because of that incident i can't forgive them and all the people who were in that trip. I've never talk about this to them but whenever my husband says that his parents care about me, i remind him this incident. He also understand but he says me to forget that and move on.

    I feel very helpless sometime that after their that behaviors being a DIL i have to do all sewa and all for them. I m a broadminded and fast forward gal. I had never
    tolerate any thing wrong but being a DIL it is so difficult to open up and fight back..
     
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  8. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Deepi,

    My heart goes out to you

    You were too naive to not complain about getting tired doing all the work by yourself, but your MIL is an experienced lady she surely did not need to be told about this. Obviously it is too tiring to do work during the 8th month with a heavy tummy.She was just acting ignorant and taking advantage of you keeping mum.

    The trip and delivery incident was unthinkable for me! Did it really happen!
    Your in laws are not your own, but was your hubby also willing to put such strain on you by asking you to travel for his family's sake just few days before your due date is really uncaring and unfair of him!
    That too after complaining of stomach ache on the same morning he still went ahead with the trip,thinking about the money that would be wasted if the trip is cancelled.

    It is so strange how men are so different from women. If the husband is sick, wives tend to their husband all day and all night long and care for them like a mother, and some men are so indifferent to their wives sufferings during a delicate time like pregnancy.

    I am sure nobody can forget such an incident. You are really too sweet for even trying to forget it and for still maintaining relations with these people.

    The good thing is that all this( your in laws not accompanying you to the hospital)happened in front of your hubby's eyes.

    In life don't expect anything from anyone dear, expectations is what bring the most pain.
    Just be happy that you and your baby were safe, and for your quick and smooth delivery :)
     
  9. deepideepi

    deepideepi Silver IL'ite

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    Yeah i know, In our family going for vacations means everybody has to go. If i'll say no my husband won't go and if he'll not go then PIL will not go and if not them then SIL will not go.. then finally i will blamed and that was not vacation they plan to visit temple and we couldn't say no for mandir and didn't had courage to fight too.
     
  10. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    There is no need to do 'sewa' of such people. Either come back to India to visit your folks during the same time if you can't openly fight back, and tell people that it is the only time you can get as hubby's mummy will be there to take care of him and the house or just stay there and do no work. Don't do anything extra, make your MIL do most of the work.
     

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