An important source of conflict between couple, but least often, talked about !

indianguy2010 · Oct 9, 2011

Reply to Zzzz :-

(portions of your quote are reproduced in brown, followed by my comments).

You certainly come up with interesting discussions. And, you somehow inject humor. You must be a comedian (perhaps as a hobby).

Great..! Being a comedian is itself an extra-ordinary skill. Making others laugh is a great thing...! If I am capable of doing it, that is great..! As you mentioned, comedians, bring up vital informations out in movies and serials. The informations provided by Comedians are often so important that the entire movie/ serial takes a total turn to a different direction..! the same may happen in IL too...!

Men are evolved to have better spatial skills because 200,000 when we were living in caves, men went out to hunt, and had to find their way back home. Women stayed around the cave, ...

Perfect logic. We have already dealt with that point in "Reply to Mansi".

I am bad at learning directions. When I had to drive, I had to memorize the directions PLUS use navigation system PLUS have cell phone PLUS be a member of AAA.

It is pleasantly amazing to see how woman after woman so honestly admit the truth about their 'spatial skills'. I was scarerd , at the outset of the thread itself , that I would have been castigated for attempting to say something like 'women lack and men possess it'.........stuff. But the knowledge and understanding of ILites in general, is so nice and appreciable in liberal words..!

indianguy2010 · Oct 9, 2011

LopaNayak said: ↑

This is quite contradictory to what I have seen and felt.
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Hi Lopa,

Thanks for expressing your contrary views. I request two things.............one , keep on following up this thread silently......................two, google with this search terms, "women and spatial skills" . you will get countless number of research papers on it. Then browse through them, choose the ones from renowned universities. Read them in your leisure time.

indianguy2010 · Oct 9, 2011

jennysrik said: ↑

........the bus direction and stops are severly confusing for me. Well, even by auto or two wheeler I was never sure of the direction.

Again, in US..my husband and I used to go to several places and also for long drives. .........My husband thought that it is a good ting not to have the GPS system so that I can learn the directions. But I never did...I am currently practising driving. So, follow my DH's orders as I don't know where to turn!. As I started to observe when he drives, he asks me certain directions to test me..but never was able to answer. There were several moments when this has resulted in arguments...even now it does but I guess he has accepted the fact that I am dumb to remember the directions..Not that I din't want to remember. I listen to him carefully when he tells me the correct direction..see the list in google maps...but its totally strange why I am not able to remember it?
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Hi Jenny,

Now, It should not be strange to you, why you are not able to remember directions and roads-layouts. Because, you are reading the version of woman after woman on the said subject of 'spatial skills' and that it is a testosterone driven function. You know well, that women possess only one in twentieth amount of the testosterone, that men possess. No wonder, men are better in guessing directions and imagining roads-layouts in their mental imaginary planes.

About the conflicts you mentioned when you drive with your man.................believe me, the intensity of this conflict can go so bitter ( I remember a female member started a thread about one and half year's back about how bitter conflict she had with her hubby............during driving.......)...........so bitter that abusive words can be exchanged.

Because, the way, not all women are well informed, not all men too. The way some women assume & believe that men and women are mirror images of each other, some men too do so. Intrinsically, because men are good in imagining directions and roads lay outs, they mistakenly assume that their wives also must be able to do the same process with the same precision.

An uninformed husband can be dangerous,:rant in looking at how 'naive' and 'incompetent' his wife is in understanding directions. The precise information is, that it is not her individual weakness. It is a biological reality. Understanding directions and imagining roads lay outs is a spatial skill, mediated by testosterone. As women have less testosterone, they would naturally be having less spatial skills.

Just by having the above said information, a man and woman can be tolerant to each other.............maintain harmony, while on the roads....! That is the basic idea of this thread.

Does that make sense to you , Jenny ?

flowerlady · Oct 9, 2011

What are spatial skills exactly ?
Men are notorious for not remembering directions and hate to ask for directions .
They have to be in control ,remember , cant appear weak and helpless.
This is hardly an area of conflict as most women just let the poor guy drive round in circles while they smirk silently. :cheers
If the wife gets annoyed its not because of this, its something else. The conflict is due to some previous unresolved issue and not directions at all.
PS- I can remember directions, can back the car nicely , are my testosterone levels high ????mg:

vjbunny · Oct 9, 2011

Hi IG,
Thats the silliest notion you have taken upon infact I know the directions very well n many depend on me to lead n also I wonder why a women should feel like a loser unless the H is monster who compels her to think so....
I wonder is this really such a source of conflict in married life? it is surprising that so many survive in that case.

flowerlady · Oct 9, 2011

Hi IG,
I had to reply to the loser part too from your original post.. No woman feels like a loser if she gets an address wrong. We are made of sterner stuff .
If you think that any lady feels like a loser because she cant reverse a car or get an address right then you are sadly mistaken.
Making ones DW feel bad and inferior is NOT done at all. It just shows the DHs mentality of putting down his DW who cannot retaliate due to a variety of reasons.
Maybe one fine day she will retaliate and he will left reeling !
Please do not bring in spatial skills to make it sound scientific and put down women.
What are you trying to prove anyway??

jennysrik · Oct 9, 2011

Indian guy,

Yes! It does make sense..But I am still thinking to myself that I can do much better..My mom drives two wheeler back in India for almost a decade..She drives in a jiffy..My friends here in US...almost all of them knows to drive a car properly and in fact guide the correct direction if we get lost. Well, there might be biological realities, but it zeroes down to only a state of mind. I made a first time trip from India to US...I have traveled to the same place with my husband before but din't care about that at that time since he was there with me. It might sound ridiculous, but I wrote down what all to be done, exact directions, what to look for and in fact spoke to the authorities and boarded another flight when my actual one got cancelled. At present, I am learning car. I am having certain problems but I look upon the advantages if I learn it. That's the one which drives me and gives me confidence. If women are having problems with directions as a biological reality, let it be..but if there are thousands of women who drive all over the world, I think its because of their confident mind and their passion to do things perfectly..:bowdown

And flower lady,

I am not sure about other women. But I do feel like a loser if I am not able to do a thing perfectly. When others around me can reverse it perfectly, I feel like a dumb loser..In fact, even if I am not a pro in doing it, thanks to my thought, I at least dare to try it out..Personally I feel, thinking to myself as a loser has only helped in most of the cases. But it is quite sad if a DH puts this word to his DW.

SallyR · Oct 9, 2011

I don't think anyone in this forum thinks men and women are mirror images of each other in fact it's quite the opposite. From what I understand people who are against gender stereotype are saying we are all different, no 2 human beings are alike but you seem to have the view that all men are of certain type and all females are of certain way, etc. We are who we are due to lots of factors like nature, nurture, etc. Me and my dh are different in lot of ways for whatever reasons. Key thing in marital harmony is to understand each others strengths and weaknesses and love inspite of all the differences. Doesnt matter if ones spatial skill is worse than other.

flowerlady · Oct 9, 2011

Nobody is perfect , yet nobody should feel like a loser , thats my take. We are good at certain things and not so good at others, thats life.
I cannot do many things perfectly but it does not make me a loser !
There is more to life than DWs reversing cars , parking them or remembering directions.What is the need to get into scientific research for such trivial things and proving it ? It certainly wont help improve or strengthen a relationship.
And it does NOT lead to conflict on its own between a couple unless there are other issues.

indianguy2010 · Oct 9, 2011

vjbunny said: ↑

Hi IG,
Thats the silliest notion you have taken upon infact I know the directions very well n many depend on me to lead .......
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If you know directions perfectly, that is great vjbunny........!

But, there have been many members (see above)......to whom the notion does not silly............and seems to make some sense..!