1. Want to be a Positive Parent? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

An event in school - Need your thoughts and advise

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by purpleheart22, Apr 20, 2015.

  1. purpleheart22

    purpleheart22 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Srama,

    Thank you for your feedback. I hope like you and butterflyice mentioned, things would ease out as school.

    As a full time working mom, i do not get to volunteer much at school, but never miss any school parties or any interaction with the teachers and make sure i attend all of them. I have even asked the teachers for volunteering help that i can offer from home, like cutting or preparing materials and stuff which i can do remotely in my spare time.

    During those times, i have met with other parents, who are there, but due to lack of time, not able to arrange play dates or anything with the other kids. Not sure, if this is how to build a rapport with them.

    Also, do they keep shuffling kids during every school year or do they stick with the same friends until the end of the elemenatary school? Can we ask for a change of class if needed?

    Also, am still trying to see if my daughter would get Indian friends, including her there is 3 indian kids in the class. It is because, since everything is totally different between the way we raise kids, and the culture, food we eat, am afraid to even ask for a play date with non-indian friends, as how they would even take it.

    Once an American neighbour when offered some sweets and snacks for Diwali, he refused saying that, i don't like the way you guys eat, with hands. I was taken back and thought in my mind,we are more hygienic than them, prepare fresh meals after taking bath and have fresh meals both morning and in the evening and do not eat frozen foods pre packaged foods.

    All this is stopping me, on approaching other non-indian parents for play dates, wondering how they would feel about us.
     
  2. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    9,447
    Likes Received:
    10,082
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    I was about to mention that - friends change, teachers change year after year. You most certainly can ask for a change of class but I would only suggest that if you are not happy after watching for some more time. As such end of school year is fast approaching, so do you think you can manage...this year?

    As for play dates, what has worked for me is having friends from other classes - okay let me explain I have neighbors who have children in the same school, different grades, different class even if same grade. So my kids consider these kids as their friends even in school - they get to see them in hall ways, recess, lunch etc and it has given them a sense of comfort and a sense of belonging as well. As they grow up is when they also make some solid friends ....from the same room or different rooms - like 2nd or 3rd.

    As for your husband waiting to meet with the principal, if he has not taken an appointment before hand, I guess no point in feeling bad about it. I would just drop it and not feel bad or read anything into it.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. purpleheart22

    purpleheart22 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you Srama, yeah, it's hardly 1.5 months or a little more for the school year to end. So, i will see how things go, and wouldn't ask for any change of class. Yeah, she has friends in other classes, of the same grade with whom she participated in culturals. I will look into what i can do as far as making friends and making her feel positive.
    Thank you for your wonderful advice, and this site is so wonderful. I will keep you all posted on how things turn out.
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. Srama

    Srama IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    9,447
    Likes Received:
    10,082
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    And @purpleheart22, I do have some awesome friends who are from here. In my DDs school, yes the entire school there are perhaps utmost 5 Indian kids or lesser. It took time to make these friendships but the experience you mentioned only should help you weed out and reach to good people, they are there - everywhere! Just keep looking. Sorry, I just could not ignore commenting on that

    Best wishes and I sure your DD will come happy and all will be back to normal.
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    10,561
    Likes Received:
    25,821
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    OP,

    You are blowing it out of proportion. There was no need to keep talking/advising your child all over the weekend. You are also using the terms stubborn, racism, and bringing in the general difficulty of fitting in (Diwali sweets).

    It is unfortunate that the incident happened on a Friday and two days wait for the next step.

    Kids hiding a book or other classroom material is a hassle for the teacher. You can let the matter die down and set up a "general" meeting with the teacher. Ask what is the school policy on classroom behavior. When does matter get escalated to principal. Present it as you want to know about first grade behavior expectations.
     
    2 people like this.
  6. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,773
    Likes Received:
    3,202
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    op,

    You have already recd some excellent advice. I would like to add only that -- I do feel you are overlaying your own insecurities doubts and fears over this situation and complicating it unnecessarily. Your anecdote about the diwali sweets and the guys reaction makes me really wonder exactly where you are living in US. Anyway your experience is 180 degrees opp of mine as in my area not only are there lots of Indians, they are highly respected and their kids are considered high achieving kids (Indian kid means must be getting A's/ good at Math and Science kind of perception). So yes our experiences are a matter of where we choose to live also.

    All this just to make you understand that your kid is only 5, going forward there will be loooooot of issues and looot of incidents on a regular basis as your kid navigates the usual growing up challenges and the school system . So your choices here are to either grow a thick skin and get used to dealing with this school district and the people where you live currently ( it will be a long 12 years otherwise!) or move to another place/another school.
     
  7. SilverNGold

    SilverNGold Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    26
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    I am an Indian raised in the U.S. and when I was growing up in the 1980s and early 1990s, I was one of only 3 Indians in my entire elementary school of over 300 students. When I was in high school, there were about a dozen Indians in a school of about 1,000. I was always a model student, an overachiever, and popular among my peers. I had mostly American friends and preferred American food to Indian food but I did keep some of my Indian roots and eventually married a man raised in India (although I always thought I'd marry another ABCD until I met him).

    Getting back growing up in the U.S., there are always little squabbles and occasional bullying and things like that here. Kids will be kids and teachers will give kids a "talking to" when things like this happens. However, it's usually forgotten within a few days and things go back to normal. If you show "fear" of American culture and kids, you'll transmit those insecurities to your daughter and she'll be more likely to do things her peers tell her to do blindly in order to fit in.

    My recommendation is to do what MY parents did; get to know a few families with children your daughter's age really well. If you work, meet at a park on the weekends or a pizza place for dinner. Build her confidence and get over your own insecurities and distrust of Americans. I find it really disconcerting that many Indians these days settle in America but only want their kids to socialize with other Indians and are opposed to something as innocent as a pizza playdate with "those American" kids.

    My daughter is 4 and goes to a diverse preschool and plays with kids of all races. I also have belonged to playgroup since her birth based on babies born from July through December of 2010 and have good friends from those groups that we get together once a week for a playdate with. Once in a while, we get together with other Tamil families on Saturday nights through my husband's social circle as well but I'd say my closer friends are non-Indians.
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,773
    Likes Received:
    3,202
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    @SilverNGold,

    Sounds like you live in a pretty diverse area yourself. I agree with most of what you have to say. only caveat being: though there are laws in place and so much awareness one can never know when one runs into a narrow minded person. They do exist. It is rare but it is not impossible. I have seen enough ppl that I feel OP's concern about close minded persons could well be real. given that is the case, one can choose to live in a white only place, and be a walking talking diversity awareness advertisement. Personally I would find it exhausting to be constantly 'other' in a place I call home but some ppl like it. Or we can choose an environment with more of a mix where we feel more comfortable. As far as Indians banding together in US is concerned, I feel it is their personal comfort level and their choice as to the degree to which they want to assimilate. Different strokes for different folks.
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    10,561
    Likes Received:
    25,821
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Not only that, these "Indian" kids then go to "Indian" homes and eat "Indian" food in "Indian" style. Somebody should report the parents to CPS.
     
    4 people like this.
  10. purpleheart22

    purpleheart22 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you all for the wonderful advise provided. I could not login earlier last week to post an update. That evening my daughter came from school, asked her what happened, she told on what the principal spoke with her, and warned her to be careful as she will be the one blamed. I did not ask her much after that and let it go, and she is back to normal forgetting the incident.
     

Share This Page