An event in school - Need your thoughts and advise

Hi,
I am a mother of a six year old girl, who is in kindergarden.
Last week, there was a problem in school, in which my daughter was involved. They were in a lab where my daughter was reading a book borrowed from a friend, that belonged to the school. As she was reading it, one of her friends, came to her and asked her to put the book behind the recycle bin, and if she did not do it, she would not be her friend, and will not play with her during recess. So, fearing the fact of losing her friend, and she was the only friend with whom she played during recess, she put it right away without telling anyone. This created the problem, as the teachers were searching the book for about 45 mts, and finally came to know my daughter had hidden it. This friend who had asked her to do it, told that my daughter had put it there. The teachers were really angry, as it was a waste of time for them, and when my daughter tried to tell it once as to why she did it. It was almost end of day, and they were really angry with her and so she did not explain it that well to them fearing they were already angry. They took the 2 girls and told they have to face the consequence of it on monday and called me at the end of school day to tell about this. Immediately after their call, i spoke to my daughter and allowed her to tell me what had happened. She was crying all throughout when she told me this, and she was worried she would not have any friend to play with and did it. I explained her that what she did was wrong and should have told the teacher right away, and it has got her a bad name and also waste of time for the teachers. I spoke to her all through the weekend advising her, and also mailed the teacher, about what i heard from her, and apologised, and told her she is not that kind of a kid, and she understood that what she did was wrong.

A little background about us, we are Indians,come a very orthodox, god fearing family, and as a mother i felt so bad for my daughter for having to get to such a name in just the first year of school, and she is not that kind of a kid too. The friend i mentioned here is of a different race, which i do not want to go into. Please do not mistake me as being racist,i am just providing that for information. Do they treat kids differently because we do not belong to this country?

This happened on Friday, and this morning, i got a call from the school principal saying about what she did and they spoke to her and told me that this time there would be no consequence, but if something happens again there would be consequences. I understand what my daughter did was wrong, but was not done intentionally and due to immaturity and insecure feeling of a 6 year old. I am feeling bad as a mother due to calls about my daughter from the teacher, principal.
Do you think this is how they deal with things in schools in USA? Is it not enough if the teacher addressed it? Are they stressing her by taking to principal.
I am worried as she is just in kindergarden and has to continue in this school until 5th grade.
Will this event cause any problems for her future years in the school.

Please give me your thoughts, as this has been bothering me since the last 3 days, and feeling so bad.

 

Butterflyice,

Thank you very much, feeling better seeing your reply.

I did speak with her about having to take it to the teacher if things don't go as expected. The answer i got from her was, the teacher tells to ignore things, if they have problems with friends, and to bring it their attention right away. She has to walk away if there is an issue and if it continues she has to bring to their attention. So, with this in mind, and not realising what she was doing was even wrong, she has did this. I explained everything to her in a positive way, that it will be her who will get into trouble, if she lies or does something wrong. Also i told her that if she thinks something is wrong, she shouldn't do i and should right away tell the teacher.

This morning the principal told he explained like this.

If your friend, asks to kick your teacher, will you do it. It seems she answered no.
Then he also said, if he goes to a store with another teacher, and she asks him to take off stuff, who will get into trouble, and she said it will be him.
He said i made sure she understood, but if this repeats again, it will be bad consequences.

He spoke to me very stubbornly which made me feel so bad and literally break down.
Not that am being a very insane parent and over protecting my child. I am generally strict with her and ensure things are within the limit and do not pamper her with to much freedom. But when i heard things from the teacher and principal making continuous calls, felt so bad as a mother, as she is not that kind of a kid.
My husband went to the school just to reassure and talk to the principal, but he waited for 20 mts, and had to leave giving his number, since the principal was busy.
As parents, we ensure that our child is behaving good, and do not go in the wrong path. But i could not help and hence wanted to post it here for opinion.

Your reply made me feel better, and hope like you said, they don't keep this as a stigma as she has to continue in the school.

 

Hi Chitra,

This was in a public school. She was going to a private school until last fall before she transitioned to public school. She has been going to private school since the age of 3, and this is the first time am getting a complaint on her. It makes me very nervous, when i think of this, and was not sure how public schools are here. Hence i wanted to post it here for other IL's opinion.

I felt very bad on seeing on her last friday as she was crying the whole time when she narrated it and ended up with puffy eyes. I don't know how she is going to feel today, after all that happened this morning.

 

JAG,
Thank you for your feedback. In fact my husband went to school this morning to meet the principal, he agreed that what happened was wrong from her part . But he wanted to say not to stress the child unnecessarily. But unfortunately, he could not meet him, gave his number and left to work.
I told my husband not to mention about stressing the child, as they would reply, they have been handling kids and would know better. Also we have to continue with the school, as there is no choice of moving away after purchasing a home. Moreover, even if we go somewhere, i was worried if they would send the records and stuff. But at least, i felt the principal could have spoken politely, not sure how he spoke to my daughter, need to ask her, but to me it was very stubborn and my husband heard it on speaker which made him go to school.

 

Thank you Chitra, I wish my daughter is more open and bold and doesn't get attached just to one person. Appreciate all your thoughts, and feeling better.