An AD that whacked me......

Shanvy · Oct 27, 2007

Kamla said: ↑

Well Shanti,

If the ad whacked you, your thoughts on giving and recieving advice has whacked a Lot of people here, I see !

I too am quite careful about imparting advice, even when asked. My stint on IL is fairly short (just 2yrs) and very often, I come across touching accounts of fellow IL'ites in trouble. Some even ask for advice quite openly for their very personal problems. Like you say, even if anonymous, a person must have felt crushed before seeking for such support. Some times, I do offer my 'advice' in words and hope and pray it helps to guide someone in the right direction. I often take care to add quite at the beginning that he/she must first seek out someone close to them to help out on such a private matter.
And yes, I do dole out Plenty of advice to my daughters...not always sought or welcomed by them! But that is a whole different story now, is it not ?!!

L, Kamla
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Hi kamla,

thanks for stepping in. it was only a small whack :tongue.My stint as guest and then member also is only a limited 2years.
I agree anonymity gives a little freedom to ask for advice...(but will pm you what kind of requests i get if you want...you will be shocked....)

At the same time I also agree, it is a good platform for opinions and suggestions. See, i always wonder, is it the ego, fear that makes you not go to your near and dear ones in the first ones....

as i have said earlier, mother is the only one who will be dishing out advice even if the kids say no to it...i totally agree it is a different story....since my kids are small i will advice them now...but later would want to follow ... advice only when sought...

sujathae · Oct 31, 2007

Dear Shanthi,, Nice article on advices. Very few people accept the advices with open mind. Giving advice is not relished even by our own children. So it is better to give our opinion and keep our mouth shut. Those days old people at home used to interfere in each and every happenings of the house and give their advices out of their experiences and the youngsters at home were also open minded to accept the pluses and minuses of the advices and act accordingly. But these days our youngsters donot have patience even to give ear to the advices. One reason for this is "I know everything" attitude. But we can't help it. In this computer age, for each and everything they get into the internet and get enough info they want. So do not want to take the words of elders. It is better not to advice anyone and get into problems. As u said we may give our opinions and suggestions that too only when required.

Sriniketan · Oct 31, 2007

It is true, Sujatha, i completely agree with you and Shanthi on this topic!

sriniketan

Shanvy · Oct 31, 2007

sujathae said: ↑

Dear Shanthi,, Nice article on advices. Very few people accept the advices with open mind. Giving advice is not relished even by our own children. So it is better to give our opinion and keep our mouth shut. Those days old people at home used to interfere in each and every happenings of the house and give their advices out of their experiences and the youngsters at home were also open minded to accept the pluses and minuses of the advices and act accordingly. But these days our youngsters donot have patience even to give ear to the advices. One reason for this is "I know everything" attitude. But we can't help it. In this computer age, for each and everything they get into the internet and get enough info they want. So do not want to take the words of elders. It is better not to advice anyone and get into problems. As u said we may give our opinions and suggestions that too only when required.
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Sujatha,

thanks for peeping in..gone are the days..i still remember,my mom used to control us just with the movement of her eyes...it does not work with my children..times are changing...

and you have aptly said "i know everything" attitude does it start at the cradle these days...i am wondering...

Shanvy · Oct 31, 2007

Sriniketan said: ↑

It is true, Sujatha, i completely agree with you and Shanthi on this topic!

sriniketan
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Hi sriniketan,

Thanks ..for being here.....

Blondie · Oct 31, 2007

Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your guts as you think in your mind that the guidance is wise.
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Shanthi this is the first time that i am posting to a thread with out reading all the responses to the thread. Because the above line brought to mind a telugu saying (might be in other languages too)

Cheppay vaaniki budhi leka pote vinae vaani budhi ekkadiki poyindhi

translates roughly as.... if the person giving advice makes no sense where did the sense of the person who seeked the advice go??

you are right 100% in what you have penned. And also right about when we ask advice we already know what we are going to do (or should be done) we are just seeking reaffirmation (thats why most do not take advice that is to the contrary very well)

now let me finish reading thru the responses....

priyauc · Nov 1, 2007

A wise person once said " give advice when seeked or in a life threatening situation" but we people love to give advice even when we are not fully aware of the facts. But we hate it when people give us advice. I can relate to u shanti, coz i have als been an independant child and have always taken my own decisions.But its just human nature to be so extra concerned and give advise without stepping in to the other persons shoes, and sometimes without even realising that our advise( based on what we read or hear, or even to 1 side of the story) could lead a relation to be in doldrums.I wish we all are more careful in giving advice, thinking on the repurcussions it could have.

Shanvy · Nov 1, 2007

Blondie said: ↑

Shanthi this is the first time that i am posting to a thread with out reading all the responses to the thread. Because the above line brought to mind a telugu saying (might be in other languages too)

Cheppay vaaniki budhi leka pote vinae vaani budhi ekkadiki poyindhi

translates roughly as.... if the person giving advice makes no sense where did the sense of the person who seeked the advice go??

you are right 100% in what you have penned. And also right about when we ask advice we already know what we are going to do (or should be done) we are just seeking reaffirmation (thats why most do not take advice that is to the contrary very well)

now let me finish reading thru the responses....
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Hi blondie,

Thanks for stepping in...

asala naa prasna, cheppe vaani meedha, lekha vinay vaani meedha -kaadu nenu cheppedella, adigeh mundu okka saari alochinchu, cheppe mundu, nuvvu cheppedi adiginavaniki samadhanam avuthundani.."

(Again lit means my question is not about the one who is giving advice, or the one who is asking for advice, it is just that i would like the one who is asking think twice, and the one who gives to just think from the asker's point of view)

thanks for being in here with your views....

Shanvy · Nov 1, 2007

priyauc said: ↑

A wise person once said " give advice when seeked or in a life threatening situation" but we people love to give advice even when we are not fully aware of the facts. But we hate it when people give us advice. I can relate to u shanti, coz i have als been an independant child and have always taken my own decisions.But its just human nature to be so extra concerned and give advise without stepping in to the other persons shoes, and sometimes without even realising that our advise( based on what we read or hear, or even to 1 side of the story) could lead a relation to be in doldrums.I wish we all are more careful in giving advice, thinking on the repurcussions it could have.
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Priyu,

Thanks for stepping in...

I wish we all are more careful in giving advice, thinking on the repurcussions it could have.
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- Amen to that...