An AD that whacked me......

Hi,

"But it’s important not to tell people what to do. There’s a significant difference between saying, “I did this and found it quite helpful” versus saying, “You should do this.”

You have quoted.



This is follow in my life. But this has also backfired on me. Many still think I am advising though I give personal examples.

I don't know. May be keeping silent and listening to other persons problems will solve there problem more than speaking of our own experience.

Regards
Dinoji

 

Hi Shanthi,
You are 200% correct. I never advise in relationships as it is unique to everyone. (nobody wants to be criticised in that)
From my childhood days i hate being advised and advising others(as i think i should follow that first before i instruct).
But i accept indirect advises from experienced.(their actions speak for themselves)
One more interesting fact is that when we are aware of anybody's problem we have n number of solutions in hand, but if we have any problem we need some consoling heart which in turn is ready to give advise:tongue.

Advise offered on request is good as long as it makes one to think clearly and soothe the broken heart:rotfl

so my advise, sorry suggestion is tongue:tongue
For freelance adviser : Dont ever critisize the person who seeks advise.Empathise and cheer them up if possible.
advise receivers:When you want to recieve advise in open forum be ready for the critics as well, as all are over enthu... that they forget if their words are healing or hurting..

Thanks shanthi for opening such a nice thread.This will definitely make people to think before they post.

-Tweety

 

Hi Shanti,
Nice one. Me being a counsellor especially student counsellor I am always forced to give advices to students specifically to the teenagers (rioters as their teachers and parents say). But they are the best listeners in the world. Dont ask me whether they take it to their heart. Some of them and some dont. But I had always felt they keep all the advises given to them be it good or bad, they use it whenever the need arise.

But yes advise is the only free thing that we get after air. But if we all could be like Lord Buddha, who didnot take the abuse which he didnot want, we need not worry about the abuses that we get after we had given advices with a good heart and good sense.

It is also true that giving advice is very easy but to follow it by ourselves is very difficult and many a times I have personally felt that. I counsel lots of kids and their parents but when it comes to my own, at times I tend to loose my temper. :bang:bang:bang.

 

Hi Shanthi,
Not at all boring. that anecdote is worth reading any number of times. whenever i read some of the threads i feel as if i'm conversing with them directly. Your writings are one among them. Thanks yaar..:thumbsup
Tweety.

 

Dear Shanthi,
The story of Lord Buddha taking abuse goes this way.
Lord Buddha was strongly crticized during His days. As of such, one person used to verbally abuse Him whenever he sees Him or whenever He goes for alms. It went on and on for days, still no reaction from His side. The person was surprised and he asked Lord Buddha himself, why are you keeping silent with these kind of verbal abuses. To him, He replied that it is like this--'if you give me something which i don't want you had to take it back, likewise I don't want that abuse and ultimately it goes to you'.

As you had pointed out that we are patient with our friends kids and not the same with our kids, it is true. i am being impatient in helping my son do his homework, but in earlier days where i took tuition to 2-3 kids, I was patience-personified.:tongue

Sriniketan