1. Have an Interesting Snippet to Share : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

An AD that whacked me......

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Shanvy, Oct 17, 2007.

  1. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,156
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    For the past two three days have been watching this ad…Advice. Everybody gives advice…it was too jarring on my nerves and my conscience…WHY! WHY! WHY!

    This weekend, I met somebody who said her advice was very costly; you have to really ask for it. And she did not believe in free advice. How true.

    Then it hit me right there in between my eyes. The wrong note that was taunting me the whole week.

    “OMG what am I doing” Am I doing the right/wrong thing?? I have been with this forum for the past 2 years..initially as a silent member and then actively involved. Sometimes I also have gone and advised(no..only my perspective/suggestions..??:oops:) others and have asked for suggestion and opinion (here I have been cautious…..the reason…I've always had some trouble with criticism since I am my own worst critic may be it is the Virgo in me…. As an independent kid, I liked to figure things out on my own without parental influence..dont we all..ok ok…I can hear some you saying what a SNOOTY kid):bang:bang:notthatway:

    But do you know…. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.:tongue
    So when I analyse and want to give a suggestion on relationship, I should question myself if I am really capable of giving that suggestion, what would I do in a similar situation. But am I really stepping into the person’s shoes..and looking at it???:confused::confused::confused:

    But what do we do actually???
    We on the basis of personal and vicarious experiences/heard/seen ones and common sense, we formulate our own ideas on what constitutes a good relationship.

    The answer is simple and applies to all - we like to give advice, but we don't like to get it - especially when it comes to relationships. Many of us like to think of ourselves as experts. We think we can serve as source of honesty (sometimes comforting and at other times brutality:-() to those who are caught in a problem.

    When giving advice, we tend to think high of our own guidance, and overlook sometimes there are emotions in between the lines which are not actually revealed.
    Only the two people in the relationship can really know what it is between them.

    We tend to think our own thought process, analysis and methods are right for us, and so it would be right for others too. Well sometimes we hit the bullseye, sometimes No, sometimes we need others opinions to find out what is right.

    No two individuals are same, no two situations are same. We tend to think so……
    But one thing is for sure, When I come into the public, seeking advice or giving opinion, I should really be ready for all…(if not just ask your near ones/friends…). Some of us think that the anonymity of forum really does cover all tracks…I don’t think so…..In some cases, the emotional trauma that a person goes before finding the guts to post here is really visible in the post.

    But it’s important not to tell people what to do. There’s a significant difference between saying, “I did this and found it quite helpful” versus saying, “You should do this.” Don’t you all agree.

    Friendship will not stand the strain of too much good advice for very long.:tongue

    Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your guts as you think in your mind that the guidance is wise.

    George Washington, said “Give not advice without being asked, and when desired, do it briefly”:thumbsupThats good advice!!!

    Well looks like I will be encountering lot of brick bats for this post of mine:frown: ….but honestly not trying to hurt anybody:exactly:…my musings (should I say essay:eek)…over the whole week…….Do any of you feel the same way????
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2007
    1 person likes this.
  2. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,617
    Likes Received:
    2,617
    Trophy Points:
    345
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Shanthi
    Its very interesting to read your post about Advice. Ofcourse you're right when you say ... Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t... It really is very easy to give rather than take. No doubt. When we take there are other factors involved like ego which clashes. More so it happens if given advice is correct advice. Who wants to hear the correct advice. Sometimes we give or take without knowingly doing just so happens casually but for big issues or problems the giver might want to decide to give advice or not. Over the years I have found its better not to give any but whats the use of this intellect if i dont get into trouble giving advice:tongue
     
  3. Vandhana

    Vandhana Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,483
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Shanti,

    Wow , I am giving you a standing:clap:clap:clap my dear. Beautifully written. I saw the ad too and was in splits....

    Haven't we all been through this, giving advice and receiving them. The worst ones are those that we get without even asking for it. :bang:bang Just on the random, all those busybodys who will come and if you say oh my hubby is diabetic or suffers from high cholesterol, they will launch into a long tirade about how they had it and how they conquered it and on and on.........

    Yes i agree with you too, giving advice is indeed a very different from giving suggestions.

    So lets have more suggestions from you on few topics:thumbsup

    Vandhana
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. Chitvish

    Chitvish Moderator IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    33,568
    Likes Received:
    3,741
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Shanti,
    Good subject - perhaps, pondering on the recent "jarring" advertisement.
    Well, let me share my thoughts - likely that I am not correct, call it, wrong.
    When we ask for advice, very often, we want the advice to be on the lines of how we want to go about, on that particular issue. Our mind is not prepared to accept easily a contradictory suggestion.
    If you do not accept the suggestion, the person who gives it, feels, slightly offended that it was not taken in the proper perspective !
    I feel, it is best not to be a self - proclaimed advice specialist & later regret
    "Nan evvalavu nallathukku sonnalum, puriyalai".
    If at all, just stop with the hint of a suggestion - elaboration is not called for, unless sought.
    Ultimately, experience is the best teacher in life. What was not acceptable as an advice, when experienced by the individual becomes a life-lesson.
    Now, let me ask you a simple question - if, at this age, I advise a newly married girl, how to get into the good books of her MIL from the very beginning & make that relationship, an enjoyable one, will therebe any takers for my free advice?!:eek
    Any relationship being a totally "human & emotional" interaction between 2 individuals, is bound to be unique. Perhaps, we can give advice as to which locality is good for buying a house or which shop stocks the best jewellery.You are not too bothered whether they take it or leave it.
    In Gita, that Krishna waited for Arjuna to ask him for advice shows us, how we must go about in life.
    Love,
    Chithra.
    Am I too strong with my words?:-(
    Well, that is the life-lesson, I learnt by my experience !:-D
     
    sindmani likes this.
  5. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,521
    Likes Received:
    1,433
    Trophy Points:
    445
    Gender:
    Female
    Well done, Shanthi! nicely written.
    In my opinion, other than the food offered one says enough, to one more thing must be 'getting' the advice.
    Give and take rule is not applicable here. only one-sided---giving and no takers! hm...hm.
    I also feel that even if one gives advice free, no one needs it, isn't it interesting!

    As a fellow 'Virgo-nian' I totally agree with your suggestions.:-D

    sriniketan
     
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2007
  6. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,124
    Likes Received:
    233
    Trophy Points:
    153
    Gender:
    Female
    dear shanthi,
    i think i must add anymore the wise one in front of your name, u r getting more and more wiser by the moments..sunkan
     
  7. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,156
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female

    Oh AC...

    Thanks for fb. i think it is most freely available commodity in the society today...and i personally feel that is the reason the value of advice is negating!!!! and I also agree that I dont mind getting into trouble giving advice...:tongue
     
  8. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,156
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi vandhana,

    Thanks for peeping. and i can understand the feeling when you get unwanted advice...that too without understanding the actual scenario.....it happens when people tell you do this to reduce weight..when the person concerned could actually be having some other reason for the weight...:bang:bang:bang.

    I dont mind giving suggestions....after all you are not hurt if the other person does not take it.....it is neutrality..and safer.....
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,156
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female

    Hi chithmam,

    How could i have possibly forgotten,the perfect example of arjuna asking for advice. thanks for pointing it out. And i am still in my learning phase. so i am learning.:-D

    You are not strong. yes experience teaches better and conditions us to be better recipients of advice. (i think..the old saying...pattal thaan puriyum...must have originated at the non-acceptance of advice).

    It is safer suggesting about jewellery/dress shops ..but even here tastes differ/luck differs..so i safely go about saying i liked it..but it is upto your taste...(I think it is more like the disclaimers:tongue)
     
  10. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,156
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi sriniketan,

    Thanks for peeping in. yes. as i already said you are testing the strength of relationships when you dont know where/when to stop giving advice.

    nice to know your are a virgo. so that speaks about all those posts on clutter/cleaning...:tongue
     

Share This Page