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An Accountants Tribute To A Man And His Marriage!

Discussion in 'Wednesdays with Varalotti' started by varalotti, May 21, 2007.

  1. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    An Accountants Tribute To A Man And His Marriage!

    I am just a mofussil accountant. I am not a Park Avenue Plastic Surgeon who can boast of a client list containing the beautiful, the wealthy and the famous.


    However God has given me my quota of clients who of course are neither beautiful nor famous. But some of them do have a beautiful mind and have had a beautiful life like the client I met todayl.

    The incident affected me so much that I ate my lunch pretty fast to come to office early to put my feelings on record, before the next client walks in.

    This man, let’s call him C, has been my client since 1991, when he moved over to Madurai from up north. I saved him a good deal of money on the capital gains tax when he sold his properties in North India. He came to live a calm life with his wife and two sons here. He was in his mid-sixties then, and so in his early eighties now.

    He called me up for an appointment today. I normally do not slate any fresh appointments on a Monday morning. But then he told me matter of factly,


    “Mr.Sridhar, I lost my wife a month ago. Want to discuss something. So..”

    I was moved and asked him to come any time that suited him in the course of the day.

    He came at his usual time – 11 AM. We finished the official business in fifteen minutes flat. Then there was an awkward silence. I told him that I was sorry to know about his wife’s death. And at this age, that would be a devastating loss.

    He was moved and did not speak for a while.

    “Mr.Sridhar, you should know. She was my sister’s daughter. I have been with her ever since she was born. I was a nine-year old boy when she was born. I saw her as a just born baby.


    Then at the right age we got married. We had been married for 64 years. We shared a wonderful relationship all through. We raised a family. We made money, lost money, had our share of joys and sorrows. And now that lady has gone her way leaving me alone to suffer in this world.”

    His voice was choked.

    I did not know how to respond. He was a man who respected a professional’s time and would always come to me with a neatly typed sheet of questions to be asked. He would never talk anything outside tax, accounts and business. That he should open up like this only showed how deeply he was affected by his wife’s demise.

    I wanted to say something. But I did not want to cross the line.

    Then C talked about his grand daughter’s marriage. He was happy that she was married to a right man, a man who hailed from a very respectable and a highly religious family.

    “My wife did not live to see the marriage of her pet grand daughter.”

    He told this as if he was talking about some income tax to be paid. His eyes were glistening.

    He was not very happy with his sons. He told me that his wife was vexed with them. After a while he saw the time and stood to leave.

    For this man I always stand up and see him to the door. I have been doing that ever since our first meeting 16 years ago.

    When we were at the door and when he looked at me before taking leave, I blurted out what I had been wanting to say for quite some time. There are times when it is okay to cross the line and reach out to the man. I thought that this was one.

    “Sir, I am very sorry about your wife’s death. But in a way it is better that you survived her. For had it happened the other way round, your wife would have suffered more.”

    He stopped on his tracks. He looked at me and tears started flowing out of his eyes.

    “Well, Mr. Sridhar, very kind of you to have said that. That is about the only consolation I have. But damn it, I miss her. I miss her badly. So long….”

    I came back to my seat. I was staring helplessly at the heap of papers sitting on my desk. Suddenly everything appeared trivial and inconsequential.


    varalotti
     
    Last edited: May 21, 2007
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  2. chitrajan

    chitrajan Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Jr. Sri,

    Your article reminded me of my grandmother (my mothers mother) who is 84 years and in her last stages.

    She also belongs to the old school of thought and her life was centred around her husband. But believe me, she knew how to adapt to changes in the modern life and is the most broad minded person I have ever met in my life so far. My grandfather, a man of very few words died 19 years ago. At that time, my grandmother stated matter of factly that it is good thing that he preceded her because given his nature, he would have definitely struggled to cope up with us.

    Even today with failing eyesight and slowing down of movement within the house, she misses her husband the most and her sentiments are the same as with Mr. C you have mentioned.
     
  3. AGR

    AGR Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar (ji)

    The feeling of Mr.C is a very genuine. …….Missing your better half, especially at the old age is agonizing. ….. We would have actually taken that person for granted and one fine day when we find that they will never be with us again it becomes more painful…...okey…….but this also has nothing to do with the period for which we had known that person…….. We miss people whom we know for a short period also……. For eg. I do really miss my hubby grandpa a lot who died a year ago. ……..At that time I had known him only for two years only (He actually selected me as his grandson’s wife)………. But till date I had always felt that he is besides us (of course this cannot be compared to the loss of granny, since they had just completed their Sadabhishekam)………Hmmm…. These feelings actually show that we are human and humane………Long Live Love………
     
  4. Vandhana

    Vandhana Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Sridhar,

    That was a very moving incident indeed. Just yesterday i was reading an interview with Nancy Reagan , and she was saying how even though its been 3 years since President Reagan passed away, she still misses him and is reminded of him every minute of her day.
    I am sure Mr C will be like this, just reading how much he loved his wife , right from the day she was born.

    Vandhana
     
  5. abhatv

    abhatv Senior IL'ite

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    Hello Varalotti sir,

    This is indeed a very moving post. Though I can relate to the sentiments expressed, I cannot ever understand the concept of marrying uncles which is quite usual in Tamil Nadu. It must be all depend upon the values, beliefs and customs which is nurtured in an individual from childhood I suppose.

    Regards,

    Abha.
     
  6. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Sridhar,

    How like you to bring your moving moments to us and move us all.
    Alas, what can one say about Mr C, or for that matter, about the intricacies of life and living.
    If there is one truth we all know and be sure about, it is Death...yes, chilling.
    Who are we to argue about it and at the same time, how can we not... it is an all consuming aspect of our living.
    I shall pray for your kind Mr C.

    L, Kamla
     
  7. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Chitra,

    There are many persons like C and your grandmother. On the face of it, these people have not negotiated world peace treaties or have won nobel prizes. But in one way these people have done much more than nobel laurates and world leaders. They have a good life to their credit which is a lot more than being the US President or Miss World.

    Nice to know about your grandmother, Chitra.

    regards,
    sridhar
     
  8. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear AGR (ji)
    What you have said is sadly and painfully true. Taking people for granted is probably the great mistake we commit and it is visited with the most cruel punishment - our missing those whom we thought will be around for ever.

    Yes, the duration of relationship is no criterion for the loss. In fact my prize-winning short story in Kumudam Sirukathai Thiruvizha talks about the grief of a woman for the death of a taxi driver, with whom she had moved only for hours. The taxi driver is of her son's age and when he returns after dropping her son at Chennai, dies in an accident. In the few minutes they had moved like mother and son. The driver,an orphan, in his death bed tells the hospital people that his death news be communicated only to that lady.

    Some people enter our minds and occupy the throne in our hearts even at the first meeting, as it happened with your husbands grandfater.

    I am happy that I was able to kindle some tender memories in you.
    regards,
    sridhar
     
  9. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Vandhana,
    There comes a stage in life where one's spouse is the only relationship one has. The children might be away. Other friends and colleagues come and go. Spouse will be the only constant in one's life.

    A few months back I attended the funeral of my clients mother. The lady was 80 when she died. Her husband was 83.
    While the lady's sons and daughters were busy (in fact some of them were even smiling and shouting) in other arrangements, the lady's husband was sitting all by himself in a corner and was silently crying. It was difficult to console him.

    Such is divine relationship of a husband and a wife.

    regards,
    sridhar
     
  10. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Hello Abha,
    Thanks for the kind words.
    Yes, that has been a custom here in Tamilnadu for long. Though now times are changing and marriage between relatives are discouraged. In fact I was supposed to marry my cousin - my mother's brother's daughter. The marriage did not materialise because of some horoscope problems.

    Again the marriage happened some 64 years ago. The knowledge, the wisdom, the medical advancement at that time was totally different from what we have now. Even now in some communities here a man marries his "unmarriable" cousin - his mother's sisters daughter or his father's brother's daughter. Customs differ.

    The beauty of this classic, immortal love story is that it was woven around that custom and had withstood the test of time.

    regards,
    sridhar
     

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