Am I Wrong Here?

You are very lucky to have a husband who is not making a fuss or blame you. And also, it's sweet of you to feel bad for your dh.
Don't feel guilty, its better to maintain a peaceful and healthy relationship with ILs staying far but near than to let them stay with you and spoil your mental peace when you and them are already not getting along well.
Try to find a house in the same apartment where you live or atleast within the same area so that dh can go visit whenever he wants and also feel happy to be close to them n you can be at peace that they are not atleast living with you 24x7.

 

When it comes to your mental peace no ifs and buts. Why do you worry if husband himself is okay with them staying separate and is working towards that ?
Stay firm and no nothing wrong if a woman prioritize her mental health over anger of SIL.

 

Even the most loving in-laws and the most patient DILs will have friction while staying in the same house. I have seen this in a few families.

In your case, there is already stress! And your SIL also is in the same city, obviously she will also visit her parents very often - which can flare up your anxiety!

Check if you can find an apartment at least 10 minutes walking distance from your place - but hopefully not in the same building. This will give you the required distance yet allow your DH and SIL to visit them often. And in case of any emergencies where you need to play a role, you will be reachable, but you will have your home for some me time.

When they move nearer, set the expectations early!
As long as they are independent, let them handle everything themselves ! Help them only when they ask or you feel they cannot handle something and it is really required.

Don't allow them to occupy every weekend of yours - have some weekends for yourselves - you, your DH and your kid.
But allot at least a few weekends for them to enjoy their son & grandson - you can make a visit, take some food item, stay there on few occasions or make some excuses on others....

Retirement & shift to a new city will bring them many guests. You will also get pulled in their social circles and get-togethers! Again, if the guest is very close or important, offer to make some special item, go very near to the arrival of guests, help a bit with cleaning and serving, say namaste to all, talk high level haha hee hee and leave early before deep discussions!

Again - don't prefer the same building if you have a choice - especially repeating this due to your history of anxiety & depression!

All the best.
Keep smiling
HR

 

you are very lucky to have an understanding husband. You can make a compromise by having them stay in the neighbouring apartment or an apartment in the same building or nearby. That way you can maintain your peace and also it will be like staying close by. My co-sis did the same thing. Her DH [my b-i-i] is super understanding. don't know how they did this. My IL's were selling their house from their town and moving to the city where my b-i-l was living. My b-i-l went and immediatley booked a 3 bedroom apt [even though they don't need a 3 bedroom] about 2 months in advance. This was at an apt complex about 2 or 3 kms away from them. My F-i-l kept mentioning to us that we moved to stay close by to them and this is so far away. But not sure how my b-i-l managed but they made it work for and running into the 2nd year successfully now. If it was me and my DH, my DH would have said, come and be with us to his parents and say that it is our responsibility which I am not saying it is wrong. I would love to be with my IL's if only my m-i-l did not talk smooth [vazhaipazhathila oosi yethara mathiri].

So you can mention your thoughts to your DH, I am sure he would understand seeing how he is. That way you can maintain your sanity and keep good relationship running.

 

It’s good that your DH understands and respect your views. So as many suggested do not feel guilty and end up hurting yourself again.
They can stay in a nearby place so that it’s easier for both and also have some privacy.

 

Can mil and fil buy or afford to live separately financially in the same city as yours?
Why they selling property?